Healthy Self / Healthy Marriage: Why Does Physical Health Matter In Marriage? | Ep. 520
[00:00:00] < Intro >
Lindsay: Welcome to The Awesome Marriage podcast. A place for honest conversations and practical advice on how to build an awesome marriage. I am your podcast producer and co-host Lindsay Few. On the show will be our host. Dr. Kim Kimberling.
Dr. Kim is a marriage counselor and has been married for over 50 years. His passion is to help you strengthen your most intimate relationship.
So we are going to spend the next few weeks, on the Awesome Marriage podcast, talking about how our health impacts our marriage, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are created in the image of God. We are in bodies. We wouldn't be alive if we weren't. And, so, we need to pay attention to how we steward all these aspects of our health that God has given us.
Because without them we would not be able to live. We would not be able to have a marriage. We wouldn't have relationships, so we need to take care of ourselves. So today, Dr. Kim, will you start us off, by sharing how you realized that physical health is important to your marriage?
Dr. Kim: Yes, I think, for us, it was, probably, that first year of marriage. At the end of that, both coming out of college, a lot of energy, all this kind of stuff. And, basically, Nancy tried every recipe her mom had that first year of marriage. We both, at the end of that time, we were heavier than we ever had been.
Now, we didn't look bad but it was bothering us. We didn't feel quite as good. We didn't quite have as much energy, and I can remember just sitting down and saying, "We can't keep eating like this." I mean, it was a lot of fried food. A lot of stuff like this stuff that wasn't healthy for us, and then it showed on our bodies too.
And, so, I think, as we thought through that and over the years we thought, "We love each other. We love being married, and we don't know how many years God has given us. But we want to take care of our bodies in a way that we can be as healthy as we can for each other." Some things we can't control, I get that, all those kind of things.
And, so, we began to try to do the things that we felt would make us healthier, and hoping, in return, that was going to give us more energy. Fun time together, all those kind of things, the benefits that come out of being healthy.
So that's, probably, what it was, and it, really, was something that we both valued and began. We got a Y membership. I can remember Nancy, when Grant was born, she'd take him in the little carrier thing, and go to work out and all the women would look over at her. But she'd be doing her exercise and all kinds of stuff. And I think not only was it that we were getting healthier, we were eating better, but I think some of the socialization at that the Y was good for us too.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: For sure, and that helped with some of the things we'll talk about in the coming weeks.
Lindsay: Yes, oh, totally. That's really good. So I think you alluded to some different aspects of health. But I want to be really clear here what we're not talking about in this episode. We're not talking about you need to be a certain size. We do not think you need to be a certain shape. We don't believe that that is what we're going after at all here.
But what we are talking about is stewardship, is taking care of the body God has given you. Appreciating it by giving it the time that it needs to rest, to recover, to be healthy, to eat in a way that makes you feel good.
I am a huge sucker for feeling good and I think that's a great motivation. And also the Scripture tells us, "Love the Lord, your God, with your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself." That's an active instruction that there are all these facets of our being, and we can't separate them.
All of those parts of who we are, are part of how we love, and serve, and follow God. And, so, I think, that it's important if we're following God in our marriage. We need to be taking care of the body He's given us to do that in, because that makes it easier to do the other things too.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And I know there's people listening that struggle because of genetics; because of different things, predispositions, they struggle with that and my heart goes out to them and I pray for them. So, they do the best with what they have and I know some people fall in that category.
But I totally agree. I think it's so easy to get into comparison mode. And it's so easy, as you said, to focus on the outward appearance, and all of that is what they're talking about, it's not. But it's thrown in our face all the time with movie stars, and models, and even athletes, and stuff like that. Well, I can't compare myself to a bodybuilder, I shouldn't. I got to be who God created me to be, and the healthiest of who God created me to be.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And, so, that's what we're talking about. I was looking at a study, I guess it came out from the Centers for Disease Controls, it said, "71% of Americans are either overweight or obese, and that is trending up." They used the word 'epidemic' when talking about it. High blood pressure, diabetes disease, stroke, all of those kind of things were being affected by that.
And, so, we're talking, as Lindsay said, about your overall health, and living a healthy life. And if you've been around people that suffer from some of those you know that that's a difficult lifestyle for many people. And if it can be avoided I don't want to go there. I want to stay as healthy as I can.
Lindsay: Yes, absolutely. I think that that epidemic word is really challenging because it's just so widespread. It feels a little bit like a mountain.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: But I also think that we know small things done, over time, will make a big effect too.
Dr. Kim: I think that's a great point. Don't listen to this podcast and think, "I've got to go on a crash diet or stuff." That's not what we're talking about at all. It's like, "I think today we're going to have a healthier dinner. Or "I've been thinking about taking a walk every morning or every evening with my spouse, let's start that today."
It's those kind of things and taking those baby steps, and if you begin doing that a year from now, I think you'll feel better, and I think you'll have more energy. I think you'll be enjoying each other more. I think all those positive things will happen.
Lindsay: Yes, I think so. And I think while we're unpacking this too, I want to shout out one of our friends, she's been on the podcast before, Jess Connolly has written a book called Breaking Free from Body Shame. She does an incredible job unpacking this, the fact that our body isn't good because of how it looks, it's good because God made it and He says it's good, and His creation is good.
And, so, we need to let go of our notions of what looks a certain way or what we value or comparison, and instead just say, "This is the temple of the Lord." And then we need to take good care of that.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and God made each one. We were made in His image, He created us perfect. So when God created you, He didn't say, "Oh, wait, I made a mistake." No, you were created perfectly. Embrace what He's given you. And I've seen so many people that have not done that, and the difference between being able to do that and not is huge. It's just how you look at the world, for sure.
Lindsay: Yes, and, I think, anytime that we're not having a proper theology of our body. If we're in comparison or if we are in body shame, then we're going to be stuck. It's adding stress and shame, and stress and shame are not good motivators.
They're not going to help us have a vibrant, thriving life. We have to let go of those things, that is not of the Lord and we have to let go of that stress and that shame. And instead be motivated by the fact that it's worth taking care of. These things are worth doing because they're good things.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: We're not doing them out of shame or out of fear, or striving, or self-loathing, or something like that.
Dr. Kim: Yes, I think our culture, women buy into that and are very hard on themselves. And I've had women, and a lot of women, that their husbands tell them all the time, "You are beautiful. I love you just like you are." And they discount it, "Because you're supposed to say that." Believe him, embrace that, and let him love you the way God's helping him to love you.
Lindsay: Yes, that's good. And I'll say, I mean, this is a personal note, but as a woman dealing with that kind of thing. I had a long time where, I've always, not always for a long time, I've liked to run, that's the exercise I prefer to do best. It doesn't take any hand-eye coordination, so that works for me.
But for a long time I would do that because I didn't like how I looked, and I would think, "Oh." I would just be so mad about "Why did God, He made my legs short. I don't like how they look, I don't like this." And, finally, I realized they're what allows me to do this sport that I enjoy.
Dr. Kim: Oh, that's good.
Lindsay: And what's the alternative? I like having them, I like that they work. I appreciate that, and starting to unlock that shift of now when I think about it, I think "What a bratty child I was to say, 'God, you didn't make this right.'" No, I don't get to make that call. I just get to say, "Thank you, I have a body, and if I didn't I wouldn't be able to live."
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. We talk a lot about the neuroplasticity of the brain and you can change your thinking, and it's a great example of you seeing yourself one way, in real time, that's not healthy. "God did make me this way," and embracing that. And begin your thinking to do that, and I think that's a great way to help get through that.
Lindsay: Yes, it really shifts things to think about it differently. And we've spoken about the mindset, and we will again in this series, but huge shifts.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: So, okay, these health decisions and how we take care of our bodies, seem like just personal choices. It seems like what I choose to eat for lunch or what I choose to exercise or not is just what I choose. Well, how does that affect marriage? How do these impact our marriage?
Dr. Kim: I think, for Nancy and I, because we made that choice back then, and it was just a blessing that we did. I think our marriage is, the fact that we both feel better and feel good, and then we have more energy because we're active and we like to be active. And, so, that is our lifestyle.
Everybody doesn't like to be active, but we do. And, so, it has helped our marriage in that way. That we can do the things that we'd like to do. We can do new things. We can explore, we can do all those kind of things. So, I think in that way, it just has helped us be able to develop and grow in our marriage in some ways.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And I think just knowing that Nancy values taking care of herself, her health, the way she exercises is very important to her. That she does it for her but she does it for me too, and I love that, and she sees me do the same thing for her. And, so, we're able to encourage each other.
Because there's days I don't want to exercise. If it's a rainy morning, early, getting up and running, or lying in bed and listen to the rain. Well, I want to pick the rain, but I try to get out and go run, or go to the gym, or do something else, and, so, it does take work.
I mean when you go to a restaurant, and there's a restaurant here that has undoubtedly the best chicken-fried steak I've ever had in my life, with jalapeno gravy, it is just like something to die for. And when I go there I’ve got to look at other things on the menu. I just don't want to eat that. Now I might splurge and do it sometimes, but overall it's the choices I make. It's being willing to say, "What's my body going to feel like later tonight or tomorrow?"
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: We got busy and we're not eating dinner until eight o'clock, and I'm going to eat this huge chicken-fried steak and then we go to bed. That's not going to be good for me, I'm not going to sleep well. I'm not going to feel well the next day.
But that doesn't mean I might not do that sometime. I'm not saying you can't do those things, but I think it's learning to make choices that are good for us, and knowing that's more important than that, what, 15 minutes of pleasure of eating something that's really not good for you.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: I'll put another thing in here, Nancy and I have ice cream overnight. Okay, so I hope that helps people, and we have for years.
Lindsay: That does help, I like that a lot. I'm really appreciative of it.
Dr. Kim: It does. What we have learned is that we splurge, but we choose our splurges wisely.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: There's a place here that has the best hamburger and French fries I've ever had, and, so, we'll go there, absolutely. Early in marriage we went there a lot, and, so, today we might go there once a month or something like that. So we don't avoid those things. And I still have trouble, honestly, my palate has not adjusted real well ever to great, healthy eating stuff. There's some stuff that I have learned Nancy did figure out a way to do Brussels sprouts.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: Cut them in half, put seasoning on them, put some olive oil, and browns them in the oven or whatever, and I love that. There's some other foods that I just have not learned to love. So it's kind of choking them down, sometimes, if she fixes them. It's like my mother used to fix liver once a week. Because at that time everybody thought that is supposed to be good for you. I don't know if it is or not, but we had liver and it was-
Lindsay: It's back, Dr. Kim, but I don't cook it.
Dr. Kim: Okay. It was like I just knew when liver day was and it, kind of, ruined my whole day. But I think what I'm saying is she did things that were healthy for us and things that she thought were important. And I learned from that, that you do, sometimes, eat some things that you'd rather have. Would I rather she had done fried chicken than liver? Absolutely.
Lindsay: Right.
Dr. Kim: But I need to have that liver. And, so, I think that's helped me to see that making those choices makes a difference.
Lindsay: Yes, I think that's a good point too, that you said, you'll go to that burger restaurant. You'll go there, you just won't go there every day anymore.
Dr. Kim: No, I used to, but those years that I was working, before I went back in to school. Where I worked there was a, I'll say it, a Whataburger. I ate Whataburger for lunch, Whataburger cheeseburger for lunch, five days a week for, probably, five years.
And then I wondered why I didn't feel as good, and I didn't register because I really enjoyed that cheeseburger. And I love Whataburger. I still go, but not every day and things like that. And, so, I don't want people to think that we're some health nuts because we're not.
Lindsay: Right.
Dr. Kim: We just want to use what God gave us in the best way that we can.
Lindsay: Yes, and, I think for me, one of the biggest health factors that, I mean I've probably talked about it on the podcast because it's huge for me, is sleep. It's just sleeping. And I just was a chronic night owl for the longest time when I had little kids.
I would want to stay up after they went to bed and be like, "Oh phew, it's quiet I get to relax or do crafts or watch TV." Or whatever, sit on the couch and eat chips. I don't know whatever it was. I enjoyed that, so I would stay up way too late because it just felt like this treat, and then in the morning I would be struggling.
I mean, I was never a good sleeper even before kids, but in the past couple of years I made a really conscious decision as I was approaching the end of my thirties and getting into 40. I don't want to do that anymore, I know it's not healthy for me.
Study after study tells me about how getting good sleep is so important for our brain and for all these different things. And I discovered, wow, it actually makes me a lot more of a nice person when I sleep well. And, so, that's really good for my marriage if I'm not crabby, and cranky, and worn out.
So these little things that are like anything that makes me feel physically energized and better, is going to help me have an easier time being the person I want to be, and, so, that's important to me.
Dr. Kim: I love that you said that. I've always known sleep was important but I also bought into because some people I listened to that, "Man, you can get by a four-hour sleep a night and you're wasting time sleeping and stuff like that." And I got into some, not four, but it was like, "If I get six, I'm okay."
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: But I just didn't feel as good. And, so, then last year, maybe the first year of the pandemic, 2020, I read the book Why We Sleep. When it came out it impacted my life in so many ways, as they talked about the value of sleep, and how our brain works, and all those kind of things and it is valuable.
And then I heard my friend Carey Nieuwhof, which most people know who he is and I value him, and I heard one of his podcasts recently and they were talking about sleep. And Carey said, "I now sleep eight to 10 hours a night, and I'm more productive than I ever was." Now, I don't think I could sleep eight to 10, but now I try to get at least seven, seven and a half. Seven and a half seems to be my really good point.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And he talked about, "It's okay to take naps." Sometimes if I would take a nap, I'd think, "Well I just wasted 30 minutes." Or something like that. So I love that you brought that up because, I don't know, I think we fool ourselves. "I can get by on this. I can get by with this." And maybe short term, but long term it's not going to be healthy for us. And now we've got scientific data that backs that up in so many different ways.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm. Yes, and I think too, to take it back to where we started with theology is like, God created us, He didn't create us as robots, we're humans. He made us to rest. He rested and not because He needed to, but because it was good. And, so, we have to look at that limitation and say, "I'm not the one who made that either. I didn't create my body. I didn't create the way it needs to work. It's just part of how we are."
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: And, so, I think continuing to try to subvert that is just not wise, and at some point it's probably going to catch up.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. It's not a badge of honor to be able to tell everybody that, "I sleep four hours a night so I can work 20 hours a day."
Lindsay: No, it is not.
Dr. Kim: I can't do it. And I think there are a few people, probably, genetically that are exceptions. I get that, I'm not one of them. And, so, if I tried to be that I was climbing a hill that would never end.
Lindsay: Yes, that is just not a good feeling. I mean, I have this kind of seasonal insomnia I'll get from time to time. And, so, now that I've become more diligent and disciplined with my sleep. When I don't get as much, I'm like, "Oh, man, this is terrible." And that's how I used to feel all the time, it's really bad.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and I think if people are listening just give it a try for say a month, maybe, go to bed an hour earlier or sleep a little late, whatever it is. But try to get in that balance of seven to eight hours, and do it consistently.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: If you don't feel better, then do what you want to do. But, I think, you'll feel better.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: And I get it with kids. I understand there are factors that Nancy and I didn't have to deal with then that make it it harder to do that. Especially when kids are young because they don't know you need sleep.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: Because if they're awake, they think everybody in the house should be awake. And, so, I know those are challenges and I get that.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: But they're just seasons too. That doesn't mean when you get out of that season, and most of the seasons with kids don't last that long, get back to sleeping.
Lindsay: One of my kids just asked me yesterday, "Hey, what's the deal with you and dad going to bed so early?" And I'm like, "Well, you know what, you're older now, and you didn't used to realize. We go to bed earlier than you now because we get up earlier than you. But now you're old enough to be up a little later and you see that." And it was just such a funny thing and he was processing that.
Dr. Kim: Ain't that it? That's a neat observation. They, just, all of a sudden it's like, "Huh, why do they do that?" That's cool.
Lindsay: Yes, and I think one other thing that I think about when I think about physical health is, for a long time, I felt I had some bad physical discomforts and bad symptoms.
I had pains, aches, and brain fog, and all these things, and low energy, and I was not functioning at my best. And I went to a couple of different doctors who said, "Well, of course, you're stressed. You're just stressed, you've got kids." And I didn't really like that answer.
So every now and then I would just try a different doctor and see what they would say. And, so, finally I went to one and they just ran some tests, and I just had a bunch of food intolerances, food allergies. And I was eating things that were making me sick and I didn't know.
Dr. Kim: Mh-hmm.
Lindsay: And, so, I didn't really want to change my food habits, really. But when I did I felt so much better. And, so, I think, if you have some nagging things like that, it's worth going to the doctor. You’ve got to have a doctor that listens to you, but you also have to listen to them, and do the things they say. So those work together. But if you're just walking around feeling terrible every day, that's not okay, you don't have to accept that. You can see if there are some things you can do to feel better.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And I think it's a good point of finding a doctor that values that, and maybe specializes in that. Because you don't want to keep going to a doctor, to someone that says, "Yes, keep eating like you're eating." Or something like that.
Early in running, when I was doing races and stuff, and I would have a few nagging injuries. And I remember I said, "I need to go to an orthopedic." And one of the guys I ran with said, "Don't go to one that is not a runner because they'll tell you to stop running." And, so, I didn't.
But the one I went to that was a runner, he gave me some great tips as far as shoes and things to do that could make my running better, and keep me running my whole life. Because I'm like you, I tried different things during the pandemic. I tried some different things, I don't know why I thought that if you're outdoors, you would catch COVID. But anyway, there was nobody else around. But it is, I love it.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: And my body loves it. And, so, now that I protect my knees and my feet pretty well, and did that for a long time, I can still enjoy it.
Lindsay: That's good. Yes, I think, that's an important thing. Because we need to find somebody who's going to help us feel our best and function our best, that's really good.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: So, as a counselor, how do you see physical health impacting other aspects of life?
Dr. Kim: Oh, I think it just bleeds over all of our life.
I think our work, our play, maybe, you don't feel like playing like you did, or your spouse says, "Hey, remember when we used to do those long walks, kind of, hike walks? Let's do those again." And you don't feel like doing it and, so, kind of, you miss out on something.
I think it affects our emotions. I think the examples you gave it can make us, if I don't get enough sleep, Nancy would say that, I mean, I think I'm still perfect. Now if I don't get enough sleep, not really, but she'll say, "You didn't get enough sleep last night, did you?" And I'll go, "No I didn't."
Because I get a little crabby. I can get a little on edge. I can get a little, I don't know, just not like I want to be around her or anybody else. And, so, when I don't sleep, I have opportunities for fun and I don't enjoy it. So maybe it's I didn't sleep good that night, and maybe I have got a grandkid that's got a game that day, and yes, I'm going to go to the game. But I'm going to sit there thinking, "Gosh, I want to take a nap." Instead of just really enjoying and embracing it.
So I think it affects us in so many different ways. And, I think, for me and maybe some other men, I didn't want to tell anybody that I slept eight hours. Because I'd think they would think I was lazy or unproductive. I had all these images in my mind of this is what a man is supposed to do, if he's going to be successful. And, so, there was even some shame in that for me of trying to sleep more.
And, so, I had to get past that and realize, "No, I'm better with the rest of the hours in the day because I slept seven and a half hours, than I would be if I slept six hours." I'd be dragging all day when I just slept six hours. But I need more.
Lindsay: That's a really interesting point. I think that's cool, too, that it sounds like it's being talked about a little more and normalized to be a person who sleeps, which is great.
Dr. Kim: I think it is, too. Well, Carey and I got to be friends when my first book came out, and I went to Toronto, and Carey did my interview for a TV station there and a network there. And, so, he and I have stayed in contact. This sentence, so I love listening, I'll plug his podcast because, I think, he does such a great job and he's a great interviewer.
But I do admire him and look up to him in many ways. And when he said that, I don't know, it just kind of gave me a freedom. It was like, Nancy can say, "You need to get seven or eight hours of sleep a night."
And I'd go, "Yes, honey, sure."
Carey says it, "Okay, honey, we're going to bed earlier tonight."
Lindsay: Well, now, you get to do that, too, you just admitted. You're at seven and a half, you can't quite get to eight.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: No that's good. That's really good, I think, that's all so true. So what are the top ways, if you're just going to start, if you have not really been thinking about this and you're going to start. Where are you going to tell somebody to start? What are the things we should be doing?
Dr. Kim: I do think you need to get a checkup first. I believe in annual checkups, I believe in checking, let your doctor check things. And don't think you're going to go out and start running marathons tomorrow or something like that. If you choose running, or working out, or you're going to walk in the gym and, "Oh, in a couple of weeks I'll look like that guy." No, you probably won't and that's okay, you don't need to.
So I think regular checkups is a good way to start that. Exercise, find something you enjoy doing. I love what you said about running and I feel the same way about running. I know people that would rather die than put on a pair of running shoes. I get that. I get it.
So find something you can do that you enjoy. And there's a lot of options now. There's some Oculus has some workout deals that you can wear virtual things. I haven't tried them but I've heard they're great, and a great workout and kind of fun too. So, I think, those kind of things.
Look at your diet, maybe, you and your husband sit down. I had some good friends that during COVID they began doing meal planning, never done it before. So they plan and they still do it every week they plan out for their meals. And, so, they put some splurges in there and some healthy things, and, so, they balance it out.
Sometimes we get busy and then we cook something that's quick, and a lot of times those things aren't as healthy, and most supermarkets don't help us. You look at the endcaps, in a lot of supermarkets, and it's usually the unhealthiest things on those endcaps. Mostly, unless you're going to Whole Foods.
Lindsay: And they got stuff there too.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, they do. Just because it says Whole Foods, it doesn't mean it's going to be great for you. So, I think, doing that and do it together, I think, it helps. It's hard if one of you says, "I'm going to do this, this, and this." And the other doesn't. So then it's like you eat separate or you get two meals. I believe a lot in eating together. I think it's a great time to get together.
So, I think, planning something that works for both of you together and gets you on a healthier eating pattern, and ease into it. That doesn't mean you have to throw out everything that you've been eating.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: I'm a strong believer in putting splurge days or splurge meals in once a week. I think you just need to do that. You don't want to forget what a cheeseburger tastes like, you just don't, no, never.
And, I think too, keep up. I have a couple of emails that I get, I keep up on the new discoveries in medical breakthroughs. There's so much going on right now into helping us be healthier, and things that if God leaves us here, we can be healthier. I mean, I would love to be 100 before I die, but I want to be healthy.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: I don't want to be just slumped over somewhere, and they put a birthday cake in front of me I can't even raise my head to blow it out. No, I don't want that, take me God. But if I can do everything I can do to be healthy, I would love to be a 100.
Nancy was showing me a deal, last night, of a lady who is 108. She looked like she was probably 60 or 70 and she was active, and, I thought, and probably genetics goes into that, why she got to do that. So I just want to be, as long as God chooses to leave me here, I want to be as healthy as I can so I can love my wife well, my family well, and serve God.
Lindsay: Yes, that's really good. I think all those are really good, and I think, I've shared a lot about this already in the podcast, but energy and feeling good are such motivators for me. And, so, finding the things that make me feel good and that don't slow me down.
I used to like to eat some sweets at lunch or something. I love sugar, I really do. But if I would do that, I would have no energy. I would just go in this really deep slump and I had to just figure out, "That's not working for me, I need the energy. I need it."
I'm like you, Dr. Kim, I like balance a lot. I like to eat kind of whatever, I don't want to be obsessing over it, I really don't, that's important to me. Because I've been in that kind of place and it was not where I want to live.
So I'm not into “throw out the whole cabinet.” I'm not into strict stuff like that because I just want to be able to think about it in a balanced way. But above that, I just want to feel really good. I want to feel really alive in my life, so that's important.
Dr. Kim: Yes, I think if we don't have a medical condition that doctor says, "Do or don't eat these things." To me, the healthiest is exercise and balanced eating.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And in that way I've never, and I know a lot of people believe in some of the diets and stuff, and that is so good for them. To me, it's always been easier to try to balance my eating. I'm like you cutting out sugar is hard, and, actually, it's something I'm working on right now, trying to eat less sugar. Just because of some things I've read lately and I've known it all the time, that sugar's not good for us. I wish broccoli tasted like sugar.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: My life would be so good.
Lindsay: And cheeseburgers.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: Yes, and, too, I know people who can't exercise because of physical conditions. I know people who can't eat, even, who are on liquid diet or whatever kind of sustenance. And you know what, if that's you, you have to do whatever's in your power. If some things are not in your power, other things still are. So don't hear us saying you have to do what we're saying.
We're saying follow God's lead, steward your body well, do what's in your power. Do the part you can do to contribute to health because in all these aspects, mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, we are called to do well with what we're entrusted with. So just take the step you can take.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and I think there's nutritionists that I know that, I think, sometimes, I'm afraid to go to someone like that because they think, "Okay, all I'm going to eat is lettuce for the rest of my life."
But that you can talk to and say, "These are the things that I enjoy." And they will help you plan a diet. "If you want you can still eat your cheeseburgers or whatever, do that. But this would be good to eat this, this, and this. Make sure you do these this week." And somewhat kind of have, maybe with something nice, can help you plan healthier eating.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And what I've learned, too, with seasonings and stuff, health food eating doesn't have to taste bad because I always thought it did. It's like, "Oh, my gosh." I'm still not able to eat tofu, but other than that, I'm pretty good on, but you see the seasonings and stuff.
Nancy and I have this restaurant we go to, sometimes, and it's pretty much vegan, I guess. They served a beet that was cut and seasoned, it looked like steak and tasted like steak, almost. I mean, it was so good. And, so, I think there's things we can do with it. Now, we don't have time to do that at home. But, also, it helped me see that maybe with extra seasoning or something like that is going to make this a lot more fun to eat, if I'm going to eat that.
Lindsay: Yes, and I think that's fun to have fun with it. I love what you said, maybe ask a nutritionist or try something new somewhere else. I just think there's something to be said for having fun with these things.
Dr. Kim: It shouldn't be a burden, I think, that's what you're getting to. It shouldn't be something that you dread meal time.
Lindsay: Yes. No, I agree, totally. So what if one spouse, in a marriage, is doing some of these steps and wants their spouse to join in?
Dr. Kim: I would want to talk to them about it. I would pray first so that you're calm and you're not judgmental, some of the things we talk about anyway. And then, I think, really just set the example and invite them into that. Don't nag.
If you have a spouse that say, is overweight. You're concerned about your spouse, maybe, they're having a little bit of heart problem. The doctor is telling them to do some things and they're just not doing it. Speak from your heart, don't nag. Say, "I love you. I want to live a long time with you, and I want you to be with me and as healthy as we can together."
So I would do that and then you got to leave it in that person's court. And, maybe, say, "Hey, how about one night a week that we eat the same thing. See if we can find some things that are healthier that you will like."
Again, make it something you're doing together, not trying to nag or badger your spouse into doing these things. Does that make sense?
Lindsay: Yes, I think that's good.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: And that's something that we come back to, probably, almost every episode. So working on things together, bringing them in, and, I think, that's always good.
Dr. Kim: No matter what you... it just makes difference, then you're on the same team doing it. And, I think, sometimes people that, maybe, the doctor has given some things, maybe it's easier when you're doing it together. And if you go on that diet with them, I've seen a lot of people do that, and just make that sacrifice a little bit and you both end up being healthier, for sure.
Lindsay: Yes, that's another shared thing. Another thing you're sharing together.
Dr. Kim: Yes, absolutely.
Lindsay: So we've touched on some of this, already, but how have these things impacted your marriage and how has it impacted you and Nancy personally?
Dr. Kim: Obviously, we are far from perfect, and I always want people to know that. Nancy and I have been through some things. We both have gone through major depression. Thank goodness, it wasn't at the same time.
Taking care of ourselves, eating healthy, working through that, working with doctors has helped us through that. Nancy had a heart issue a number of years ago. They thought it was a heart attack, it wasn't. It was a thing where a kind of spasm, whatever around that, and I [Inaudible 00:35:23] think the right word. Anyway, it's called Prinzmetal's angina but it's dangerous.
And, so, we knew, out of that, we needed to do some things different. 15 years ago I had prostate cancer and had surgery to have that removed. And, so, out of all those things, it helped us value good health, and to do the things that we didn't need to do to remain healthy.
And, so, it's not like we have just lived this perfect health, perfect life the whole time. The first part of this year, I didn't really realize it because it wasn't a major depression, I went to a minor depression.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And I just pulled out of it and realizing that that's really what it was. And, so, I think all of those things, a couple of things, one, I think, because of those things that helped us be more conscious of being healthy.
Two, it's helped us, really, we've come together in that. "Okay, you've got this heart thing, do we need to do anything?"
"You had prostate cancer, what do we need to do together to help you recover, to help you do these things?"
And, so, I think, yes, it's impacted us a lot, and, I think, it's looking for answers together to stay healthy. And I think it's helped, when you look back, I mean, I really didn't enjoy any of those things. But, I think, God taught us some things and they all drew us closer together.
Lindsay: Yes, that's good. And, I think, it's important that you mentioned you guys have been through some things, you really have.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: And it's hard in a marriage because we've had some things, too, things that are out of your control. You have an accident. You have an injury, you have no control over that.
But, I think, for me, what that's made me think is, "Every day that I am able I'm going to be really thankful to be able to have the energy and the vitality to live in a way that, to the best of my ability, I'm able to enjoy it. I'm able to have fun with the kids. Able to enjoy my marriage and do active things together, and that's not always in our control.
But when it is, it just makes me more thankful. So I think that attitude, the gratitude of it reinforces wanting to be able to take care of ourselves, to the best of our ability, so we can enjoy that together.
Dr. Kim: And, I think too, something that's helped me, no matter what we go through, whether it's an injury like you said, or sickness, or things, or just a health thing that's going to be with you the rest of your life. By accepting that and thank God, I think, it just makes all the difference in the world.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: Accepting that and, "Okay, God, what do you want me to do?" As long as God leaves us here on this earth, I believe He has a purpose for us, whatever is going on in our lives. And, so, I think, when we find that, we realize that no matter what we face, that God has a plan.
It didn't surprise Him and He can give us abundant life no matter what we go through. If we choose to seek it and not focus on the negative. It's accepting, "Okay, God, this is where I am right now. What do you want me to do?"
Lindsay: Mm-hmm, yes, because that's all we can do.
Dr. Kim: Yes, that's all we do.
Lindsay: That's good. Dr. Kim, this has been a really encouraging and helpful practical conversation about physical health. Is there any other, final, piece of advice you have for us today?
Dr. Kim: I would just say wherever you are, maybe, this will get a chance for you and your spouse to sit down together and look at your physical health. What are you eating? And those kind of things. Maybe you decide to go to a nutritionist together. Whatever it is, but maybe take a step.
Maybe you've been thinking about exercising. I've got a lot of couples that exercise together. They may go to the gym and do different things, but they go together and have fun with it. And, so, maybe, just begin to take some baby steps in that direction. And I think what we saw, as we did, and we felt better, it encouraged us to keep doing those things, to get where we are right now.
Lindsay: That's really good. That's so good and that's encouraging. All right, so this is fun, we get to answer an anonymous audience question. Dr. Kim, what is that question this week?
Dr. Kim: One, I love this. I love that we have made this a part of the podcast to answer some questions. And most of them are not going to be on the topic we're talking about today.
So this question is, "My husband and I have very different approaches to parenting. How do we get on the same page?"
Well, that's a common issue. I know because we come out of different families of origin, and, so, none of us were probably parented the same. And, so, what do we do?
I think what I try to get couples to do is look at what is the end goal with your kids? When they get 18, what do you want to have accomplished, as a parent, in their life? Use that as your goal and then, kind of, back up, how do we get there? And that's usually where the conflict comes off.
But, I think, if we know what the end goal is, then I think it's easy to get together on the ideas to help get us there.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: So, maybe, you make your list. You sit down and say, "Okay what is important to us?
Well, we'd love to them to accept Christ.
We'd love to expose them to some different things.
Maybe we want them to be to be able to take responsibility, personal responsibility.
So you make your list of those things, and then you say, "Okay, how do we, together..." brainstorm ideas. "How do we get them there? And then find the ones, out of that brainstorm, that you agree on, and then you kind of got your game plan.
Now, there'll be other things come up, you'll have to deal with, but I think find those things. And then if you still are just having trouble, I'd go to counseling. I'd go to counseling together and let a Christian counselor help you get on the same page with things.
Because I think it's so important that your kids see you on the same page. Because they just know if you're not and kids, as much as we love them and care for them, they are selfish just like we are. They want their own way and if they figure they'd get mom and dad into it and they get their way, there are ages when they're going to do that.
Lindsay: Oh, yes.
Dr. Kim: And that just complicates all the more. So I would say that always helped us, we did that. Somebody suggested that to us, when our kids were probably grade school, I guess, and we've been thinking about, "What are the things that we want for them."
And, so, then we had an end goal. And, so, then if we decided something that we disagreed on and it didn't meet that goal, we just threw it out. And, so, it helps and you got to be willing to compromise, you got to be willing to listen.
But, I think, if your end goals are the same, it makes it much easier. And it's not about the way you were brought up was better than the way he or she was brought up. It's just not, it's just different.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm, yes, that's good. That's a great answer.
Dr. Kim: So if you enjoyed this episode, will you just take a minute to leave us a rating and review? Follow the link in the show notes to leave an iTunes' review. Because that's one of the best ways to make this show more visible to people that haven't found this yet, and they're going to find this.
There is a lot of marriage content out there, and we're passionate about bringing God's purpose for marriage into the podcast space. So you can help us a lot to make that happen, by leaving us a review.
Lindsay: Also make sure you are following us on social media. We're on Instagram, on Facebook, and Dr. Kim is on TikTok and we've just got all kinds of different stuff going on over there.
We've got fun stuff. We've got tips. We've got free date night ideas. So make sure you're finding us over there, and I'll have those links in the show notes.
Thanks so much for joining us today for sharing your time with us and listening, have a great day and do something awesome for your marriage today.
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