Healthy Self / Healthy Marriage Q & A | Ep. 523
[00:00:00] < Intro >
Lindsay: Welcome to The Awesome Marriage podcast. A place for honest conversations and practical advice on how to build an awesome marriage. I am your podcast producer and co-host Lindsay Few. On the show will be our host. Dr. Kim Kimberling. Dr. Kim is a marriage counselor and has been married for over 50 years. His passion is to help you strengthen your most intimate relationship.
Well, today on The Awesome Marriage podcast, we're going to answer your questions related to our Health— Healthy Self Healthy Marriage series that we've been doing.
We've talked about physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, and they all kind of overlap. So today these questions are all over the map. We've got some tough ones and we're going to do our best to give clear and helpful answers today.
But before we get into answering the questions, I want to make a note that this advice is not meant to be a substitute for your own counselor or your doctor. They will be able to know your situation a lot better and give you answers in more detail.
But these are general guidelines based on biblical principles that can be helpful. And if The Awesome Marriage podcast has helped your marriage, would you take a minute to leave us a rating and review, if you haven't done so already.
It's such a quick and easy thing but it really does help others to find this show, and we really appreciate when you do. So, Dr. Kim, we got our first question, are you ready?
Dr. Kim: I'm ready, let's go for this.
Lindsay: All right, here we go. Our first question says this, "We've been married for 43 years, and blessed with four adult children and five grandchildren. My husband has an alcohol problem.
He drinks too much every day after work and becomes totally silent. He becomes a different person and I struggle to get our marriage going. We follow your prayer plan on YouVersion, but he has no intention to change. I have also become silent, experiencing a lot of rejection, and feeling depressed.
I've stopped asking him to drink less because he does not think it's a problem. I'm heartbroken, and I don't know how to fight this addiction anymore."
Dr. Kim: Well, first of all, my heart goes out to her, and I know there's a lot of people in that situation on both sides, male and female, in such a tough situation. A few things that I would think of out of that, Lindsay, is that for her, she's got to take care of herself.
Sometimes we get so trying to fix somebody else or try to figure it out, that we kind of let ourselves go. Both spiritually, and physically, and health wise, all those kind of things. So take care of yourself, whatever that means. I see this exercising, making sure you're getting enough sleep. Making sure you're eating right, do those kind of things.
I think then an Al-Anon Group would be excellent for you. It would help you understand this thing that he's dealing with, this addiction. And it would help you to be around some other people that are dealing with the same thing or have dealt with it. And just the support in that and knowing you're not alone is huge.
And, so, I think, the more you can understand this addiction, the more you can understand how to take care of yourself, that's really good.
I think praying for him God wants him to get better more than you do, and continue to lift him up in prayer. And then I would say, I think, it'd be a really good idea for you to find a good Christian counselor that you could go to just for yourself. And, hopefully, at some point along the way your husband will join you in that.
But, I think, one of the things with alcoholics and A.A. starts there, you've got to admit you have a problem. Well, he's not at that step yet. And, so, until he is willing to do that, things are not going to change no matter what you say or do. That's a decision he's got to make.
So I think you love him. Certainly, if you ever feel in danger or it's abusive verbally or physically, then I think you've got to take care of yourself and get out of the situation. Otherwise, I think, just do those things. Take care of yourself. Get in a group.
Find you a good Christian counselor and know that it's okay. You're limited in what you can do. And that's hard for us, sometimes, because when we love someone and care for them, you've been married for 43 years. You've had four kids and five grandkids together, I mean, that's a lot. So know that you're not alone in that. There are some answers for you and for him when he is ready to take that step.
Lindsay: Hmm. Yes, that's so good. So there are steps that she could be taking right now. Even when he's not seeing the problem at all.
Dr. Kim: Yes. I don't deal with drug and alcohol, I don't feel like I'm good at that. And, I think, the people that do. The people that are usually in A.A. and people like that, they're people that have been there. People in treatment centers, usually are people that have experienced that. So they are the ones, but he's got to take that first step.
Lindsay: Yes. Well, that's really good advice, and, I think, hopeful, too, that there are some steps to take.
Dr. Kim: One other thing that I might mention, sometimes, an intervention will work. If you want to consider that, and I think that would, probably, involve you and your children, probably, their spouses if they're married.
I think you want to find someone that does interventions in your area, that's from a Christian perspective. Talk to that person, first, because there is right ways and wrong ways to do intervention. And the bottom line you want is for him to be able to go to treatment or to get better.
So you want to talk to somebody that can ask you the right questions.
"Is this the right time?"
"Is this something that might work?"
Or, "Is this something that would make things worse right now?" But that certainly is another option.
Lindsay: That's good. Before we leave this one, I think, taking a note from that question where she mentions feeling depressed and rejected. I think that would be something good to work with, like you mentioned, Dr. Kim, with your own counselor. Because you don't have to wait for him to be ready for you to start growing out of that stuff.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: All right, well, that's good. So our next question is also about physical health. So this one says, "My wife has some health issues. So I do all the things you recommend except for, discuss sex. Because talking about sex always seems to cause more pain and there's no way to resolve."
So we get a lot of questions about how to bring up sex and what to do when there's physical problems that prohibit sex, or make sex more difficult. So what do you say to this topic?
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. I think you've got to, it isn't going to resolve itself on its own and you, probably, are aware of that. So maybe a new approach. I mean, I think, you have to look, if I was counseling someone, I'd look at what their sexual history was.
Was it really good for a long period of time, then all of a sudden things changed?
Has it always been not great?
Are there things that have been a problem in the past?
And, so, I think, you want to look at that and then, maybe, sit down with your spouse and say, "Hey, this is something that's important to me. I think it could be important to us. I think that is God's design, that's not to make you feel guilty, but can we figure out a way to begin to work on that?"
And I would pray before you have that conversation with your spouse and ask God to just give you the right word and to give you His wisdom, and then let her know. Don't blindside her, not when she's in the middle of cooking dinner, don't sit down and say, "Hey, let's talk about sex."
Let her know that there's something important you want to talk to her about, and set a time where you can both talk. And then, I think, starting out, you do more listening than talking. You kind of throw it out, hear what she says. Hear where she's coming from in that. There may be some fears there. There may be some anxieties. And, I think, the other thing is with the health issues, are you addressing all of those?
Have y'all talked to the doctor?
Are there some people that you need to have that conversation with, that could probably give you some insight?
Sometimes, I think, maybe we go for our regular checkups and do those things. But sometimes even with the physician, sometimes it's hard to bring up sex. And, I think, more doctors are willing to bring that up themselves, now, than they were in the past.
But the doctors talk about that with people, and there's nothing wrong with bringing that up to your doctor. And your doctor will, probably, have some insight because they see a lot of people.
And even though you are unique in your situation, there are others who deal with similar issues, so, I would say that. Trying to understand what happened in the past. Set a time to talk, a new approach. Ask God to give you His wisdom, the right words. And then make sure that everything, health-wise, is being done to help the situation.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. Yes, that's good. So there's kind of three different steps that you can take, and they're all going to probably get you a little bit of traction.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and, I think, that's what you want. You want to get something, and I get it, if you're struggling with sex, I think, it is hard to put it on the table. As a guy, sometimes, we think our wives because of our society, and culture, and movies, "Well, all he wants is to have sex, he doesn't care about me." Which is not true. It's something that, as a Christian couple, we know that unites us in a really special way and God uses it. And there's definitely a spiritual component to the sexual relationship with a Christian couple.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: So, I think, when we don't pursue that. We don't do everything we can, we are missing out.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: Now, some people get to that point, I get that. And, I think, there are other ways to have that closeness. But if there's any way to work through that, and get to the point where that becomes a part of your life, and it becomes your normal. I mean, for you, that may be once a month, whatever works for the two of you. And, so, there are a lot of good conversations that need to happen there.
Lindsay: Yes, totally. And, I think, it's important to note what you said, it's not going to fix itself. Just based on the number of questions we get from people, it's, really, nobody wants to bring it up with their spouse. I think, like you tell us, a lot of people have fought about it, but not talked about it. But you're right, it's not going to go away on its own.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and, I think, again, Christian counseling might be a good thing to go to together if it really is hard to talk about that. You can find a Christian counselor, you can ask before you go in, "Do you deal with sexual issues with couples?" And if that counselor does, then I think that would be a good place to start too. Because maybe your wife would be more comfortable in that situation, with just the two of you sitting down together.
Lindsay: Yes, that's good. Get a little buffer there.
Dr. Kim: Yes, absolutely.
Lindsay: All right. So our next question, okay, I'm just going to read it as they wrote it. "For over 27 years I've endured a toxic marriage relationship that has attempted to take my life five times. The last time was in January this year. He has a rage problem, which seems to have simmered down a bit. We're both ordained ministers of the gospel. Our pastor is a bit intimidated by him, so I can't really prevail in the marriage. I need all the counsel I can get."
Dr. Kim: That's tough. And, I think, just that part in there that they both are ministers. I think the point I would make that is ministers have problems too. We all have problems and I've seen pastors that did a great job on the pulpit, but their lives outside of that were a train wreck. And, I think, eventually it affects what they can do in the pulpit. And, I think, it's God's grace that allows them to continue to do that for a while.
I would say this, if it has come to the point where you felt your life was in danger, you need to put yourself in a safe place and it's okay to do that. It's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay to say, "Until you get help, we're not going to live together. I'm going to take care of myself, and I can't go on with that."
I think anybody that has a rage problem can do a little behavior modification and take care of it for a while. But if his heart has not changed. If he has not dealt with what is behind that rage, it will not get better, it will come back. I think it usually seems to escalate, in my feeling, over a period of time. And you can see if that fits this situation, your situation. Has it gotten worse?
So, I think, you've got to make sure you're safe. I think you pray him. If your pastor is intimidated by him, I think, that speaks a lot. Maybe you need a new pastor or someone that's willing to stand up to him, in a loving Christian way, to get in his face and say, "This is not good. You cannot do this."
And if he's raging at you, is he raging at other people? And what does that mean? And plus he's representing the Gospel. And, so, there's just a lot of dynamics that go into this one. But if he won't get help, I think, you definitely have grounds for separation.
And if you've been in an abusive situation, maybe, that leads to divorce at some time. I mean, I hate divorce, but you can't be in a marriage where you're afraid the whole time. That is not a godly, Christian marriage at all. And I don't think God expects you to endure that at all. And, I think, maybe it's been harder because you both are pastors. And, so, we can't let the outside people see this, they get past that.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Kim: You've got to have a marriage that you, both, want to be in, and that's healthy for both of you, and if it's not, then you got to take some steps to do something about that.
Lindsay: Yes, I think, this one kind of what you just spoke to, Dr. Kim, when you said, that as ministers you don't want to let outside people know that speaks to me as a pastor's wife. Being married to a pastor and thinking, "There's a lot of things that you don't need everyone to know."
When somebody in your church is causing drama, everyone doesn't need to know that, that's messy. Just because you're having marriage issues doesn't mean everyone needs to know, but someone should know what's going on here. This is not okay.
Having a spouse that makes you feel in danger is absolutely not what God intends in marriage. He intends us to be self-sacrificing in our love. So, I think, it's important for this person to know, like you said, seeking separation or safety is entirely okay, and, I think, that's what God would want for this person.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And, again, if your pastor, I don't know your pastor. But if you don't feel like you can comfortably go to your pastor and receive the counsel that you need at this point. I think you want to find a Christian counselor or another pastor, that will listen to you. That understands what you're going through and can guide you.
Lindsay: Yes, I think, that's really good. It just hurts my heart to hear that this person is a minister but is carrying on like this. That's just not healthy. It's not representative of God's love, like you said, Dr. Kim. And, so, I think if this wife doesn't take some action to get herself to health. There might not be a wake-up call for this husband, and that's kind of a scary thought.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely, it's not going to take care of itself.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm. So we'll put, also, some links in the show notes to domestic violence hotline and to some of the work that we've talked recently with Dr. David Clarke, who specializes in this abuse and why there's a biblical case for not staying in an abusive marriage at all. Because that's not God's heart for marriage.
Dr. Kim: Yes, we love Dr. Clarke. He has become a very good friend and he's very blunt about it, but that's all he deals with. And, so, you can take some of that, maybe, with the grain of salt. But what he says, his truths, and solutions he has are, I think, biblical. And, I think, they make a difference for people. And, honestly, if your husband continues on that track, he's going to crash at some point. He just will. I don't think I've ever seen a pastor that is hiding things that, eventually, doesn't crash.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm, oh yes, unfortunately, it's so true I've seen it too, and the longer it goes, the harder it gets.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: So be encouraged there are things you can do and we are praying for you, and really believe that this can get better. But it will take some active steps, it will not be easy.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: Okay, so our next question comes from someone who says, "My spouse has trauma in their past. It's affecting our marriage, but they will not get help. What do I do?"
Dr. Kim: I think, sometimes, when we have trauma in the past we're afraid to face it. We're afraid that maybe more things will come out than we remember, or maybe that we just can't handle it. "I can't go back to that because it was so painful."
But, I think, you have to start with the truth that God has a way out of that for you. God has healing for that. God does not want trauma victims to continue to be victims the rest of their life. He wants people that have gone through trauma to be able to have victory over that. And even where God totally redeems that, people I've seen with that have overcome it. Is then your story becomes something that helps other people. And, so, I think, that's a big step for them.
So I would start out by just praying for your spouse. If they're afraid of counseling and maybe you say, "Well, I would love to go to counseling with you. I will support you through this." And really talk from your heart to them about how it is affecting you. Because when you get in that situation with that trauma and the fear, you get pretty self-absorbed in that. It can just take over and fear is just so crippling. And, I think, it's something the enemy uses against us.
I mean, the enemy does not want your spouse to be healed. The enemy would much rather your spouse stay like that, and your marriage isn't everything God wants it to be. Well, that's not what God wants. And, so, I think, whatever you can do to encourage your spouse, to come alongside them. To go to counseling with them, praying with them those kind of things would be helpful.
Lindsay: Yes, I think, that's good. And, so, it's worth facing that fear, for sure.
Dr. Kim: It is. And I get it, it's hard. But I've never met anybody that was willing to do that, that regretted it. Even though it can be hard, and sometimes it's painful going back through things. But when you get on the other side of it, there's so much freedom there. There's so much freedom that God gives you doing that.
Lindsay: Mm-hmm. I think, really, truly, when I think about all the questions we've already answered in this episode. What you just said about the Lord does not want people to stay victims of their past or of their circumstances, but He can bring victory.
I think that's a word for all these that, these are some really tough things. But, I think, once you face it, kind of, get into the process of tackling whatever you got to do. There's something waiting on the other side. It's not just like, oh, you got to face it and keep facing it. There's, actually, a hope and a future like He says in Jeremiah 29:11, you can get through this and get onto something better.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And I've seen it happen. In some way or other, almost, every question we have today, I've seen a couple overcome that, so I know what God can do.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. That's so encouraging. Okay, so we get into some lighter stuff here, whew, deep breath.
Dr. Kim: Hit the heavy first, yes.
Lindsay: So this next question is more focused on the mental health. And, so, this person asks, in regard to having a new mindset, and framing your spouse with positive rather than negative. They say, "When you do change your mind and what you focus on. How do you know that you're not letting serious things slide and what do you do about the things that really bothered you?"
Dr. Kim: Well, first, I would sit down and what are those things? And maybe you want to make a list of those things. And then, I think, you want to pray about him. Take him before God, ask for His wisdom.
There are some things, I think, that we just leave them in His hands and He just heals it. He just takes care of it. But then there's other things that God says, "I'm going to walk through this with you. I'm going to be with you there."
So as far as letting things slide, I think, you have to evaluate it. I think choosing your battles well is always a good thing. You know, "What is this?"
"Is this really important for me to deal with, for us to deal with?"
"What happens if we don't deal with it?"
"Is it really that big a deal in the big picture?"
If your spouse comes home and they forgot to pick up milk, and nobody has milk the next morning for breakfast. Well, I think that's something you can let slide. It's not a battle you want to fight. We're all human we'll make mistakes.
If he forgets it every single time, then, you got to sit down and talk about it. But, I think, sometimes just choosing your battles, and sometimes, I think, it goes along with how we frame our spouse. And not giving grace in times where you need to give grace.
So you want to look at the big picture. Have you framed your spouse, and is there anything that needs to change in there? You want to get to where you see your spouse as a gift from God, and not perfect. But someone that really cares for you, that loves you, is trying, they're human but they're God's gift to you.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm, yes, and I think one thing that I don't think you have to worry about because when you do change your focus and reframe your spouse as a gift from God and someone who you're not against, but you're on the same team. I think it will automatically resolve a few issues.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. That's a really good point, you brought up. One of the things that most of the couples that come in for counseling struggle with communication. And it's amazing if they learn to communicate, which to me, 90% of communicating is listening well. So you, really, hear what your spouse is saying.
But if you learn to communicate well, I think that solves maybe 90% of your problems. Because a lot of it comes because of assumptions, or how we framed each other, or that we didn't listen well to our spouse.
And we really take that time to learn how to listen to each other, to talk in a loving way to each other, to be kind to each other. To work every conversation like that is for your marriage, not a win/lose thing, but how does our marriage win? Because every time your marriage wins, you both win, too, always.
Lindsay: Absolutely. Yes, you're not going to lose just by viewing them as your friend and as your gift, that's not a loss. That's going to work towards creating some healthy gains, cool.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: All right, so the next question, oh man, I relate to this, I bet a lot of people do. "I like the idea of working on self-awareness, but it seems like a lot of work. I don't have the time or energy." I get it.
Dr. Kim: Well, I get the energy, I think, we all have time. I was talking to someone the other day and they said, "Well, I don't have time." And, so, I did, I kind of asked some questions. I said, "Tell me again about how many episodes you binge on Netflix every week?"
And they go, "Well..." And I said, "And you were talking about some of the things you saw as you're scrolling through your social media, how long do you that?"
And that's not to put anybody down, all those things are fine. But if they're keeping you from making yourself better or becoming more who God wants you to be, you want to have balance there. I'm not saying you have to quit doing any of those things, but you want to make sure there's balance.
So, I think, you want to pray. You want to read the Bible, see what is God saying to you there. I think Psalms are a great way to read through because David is so honest in the Psalms about his struggles, his anger at God, sometimes, and his love for God, and, so, all of those help. I think it helps, as you're going to work on that, is to have an accountability partner. I think someone that you will meet with, probably once a week, maybe, for coffee or something.
Because it is hard, and it takes time and energy, and we need somebody that's going to encourage us. And, I think, sometimes your spouse can do some of that. Sometimes, I think, an accountability partner, same sex as you are, can really help in that too.
They're going to be a little more objective. And, I think, maybe at times, they're even a little more honest with you. But as you grow, I think, one thing that I've seen it does energize you because it gives you hope.
So all those things that you are aware of or want to be aware of, that are probably bogging you down. As you get through those things, it will give you hope. And the prayer is, really, "God, who did you design me to be? And what's standing in the way of me being that person?"
And, I think, that's another place to make a list. Just, prayerfully, go through that and what's on that list. And then begin with prayer, and whoever else you need to bring into that, start working through that.
Lindsay: That's so good.
Dr. Kim: Yes, and, I think, Christian counselors are awesome at helping someone go through that. Because they've seen other people go through the same things. They have some insight and wisdom there that God can really use them in that situation. But I would just encourage this person or anyone who's been thinking about, don't make excuses. Just take that first step and persevere and see what God does.
Lindsay: That's good. I just love that you cast out that, kind of, vision of like working from who God made you to be rather than working to avoid. I feel like, just personally, I shared about this in the mental health episode, I think. But the process of staying busy, a lot of times, we just do it as a reflex because it's easier than dealing with the underlying feelings or becoming self-aware.
And when we start to deal with some stuff, we can learn how to say the appropriate Nos. Set the appropriate margin, free ourselves up, but we also don't have to stay distracted. We don't have to fear, there's, kind of, subliminal fear of like, "Oh, no, what's going to happen if I have to sit alone with myself for five minutes?"
Dr. Kim: Right. I think that is hard. But as we work on that, I think, not that God's going to verbally speak to you, but He's going to work within that. When you're seeking Him and you give yourself time to just listen to where He is directing, what He's saying, will really help you. So I would just say don't be afraid of it. Just take that step and I don't think you'll ever regret that you did.
Lindsay: No. I mean the energy you're spending to not be self-aware might be more than what you realize, so letting it go.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And, I think, you did bring up again, that God designed you to be. I think a lot of times we try to be who culture wants us to be. I mean, I talked to a couple last week and she said, "I spent seven years trying to put him into a mold that I thought he should be. And, of course, then he thinks I've got to do this.
Well, she said, "As soon as I was able to let go of that and let him become who God wants him to be, and seeing him seek God and grow in that." She said, "God did a lot better job than I was doing."
Lindsay: Yes, it's amazing. He's good at stuff.
Dr. Kim: Yes.
Lindsay: Oh, man, that's good. Okay, so our final question and this is where we're going to end, so we end really practical here. I love this question. "Dr. Kim, you mentioned using some breathing exercises to help with stress. You mentioned that a couple of times, how do you do those?"
Dr. Kim: Okay, I think, God wired us in certain ways that our body, that we can really help ourselves and take care of ourselves, just the way we are wired. Another thing besides breathing is a hug from somebody that cares about you. It is amazing how that can energize me when Nancy gives me a hug. If she knows that I've had a rough day or something like that.
Because, I think, God put these touch points in our body and when someone we love is engaging with that, it does bring healing. As far as the breathing, what I do, and there's different ways to do this. There's some great apps that may be have some music in the background or someone reading some Scripture to do this.
But I do it a lot of times just during my day. If I just feel like, "Man, I'm kind of stressed." There're things going on. I try to get comfortable. You can lie down, you can sit, and I try to do slow deep breaths.
I, usually, breathe in on about a four count and then I breathe out on a four count, and then I focus on the breathing. And what I focus on is breathing the Holy Spirit in and breathing the stress out, and do that five or 10 times.
And I think the pattern of doing, actually, I'm using an app now. And one of the things that it does is encourage you to breathe, consciously breathe like that every day. Because, I think, it makes a difference. I think it helps reduce stress. I think it helps us, maybe, calm down if we're upset. And, so, it's something you can do almost anywhere.
I think obviously if you're quiet and you're not distracted, and you can be away from others when you're doing that. I think it can be more effective because you don't have distractions. But I do it during the workday.
I just breathe in slowly, let it out slowly. I can't remember who first told me that, that you're breathing in the Holy Spirit. You know the Holy Spirit wants what's best for you. You know that Holy Spirit brings healing into you and then breathing out the stress, and just consciously doing that. I think it makes a difference.
I think it goes back to where it's not some weird mystical thing. It's like God wired us. Where we can do things that really help us.
Lindsay: Yes, it's like the simplest prayer you could pray, just inviting the presence of God where you are.
Dr. Kim: Yes, absolutely.
Lindsay: That's good. So what is the name of the app you're using?
Dr. Kim: Well, I think The Pause app by John Eldredge is really good. I think it's John's voice in it and his voice is so soothing, anyway, when he is talking. And you can do it, I think, they're broken up into five-minute different links and different ones to do.
And then I, also, because I'm just a technology geek and I like to exercise, I got a WHOOP band a few months ago. And what that does, it just tracks your breathing, your exercise, your sleep, all those kind of things. And on it, there are some breathing exercises on that.
And, so, there's some apps to help you. I love Eldridge's, I think, you have to be in a quiet place to do that because to really get the most of that. So it might be after the kids are gone in the morning, your spouse is gone, or maybe late in the evening or sometime. When you just have, or maybe it's at work and you just close the door for five or 10 minutes.
Lindsay: Yes.
Dr. Kim: I got a good friend that has done that for years. That he always brings his lunch. He has his lunch, he closes his doors and he has a quiet time. And, so, there's options of ways to do that.
But, I think, looking for that and realizing the value in that. I don't know that when Jesus would go away to pray that He did deep breathing, but I know He went to seek the father. And I know in that there was strength and wisdom, and all the things that came from His time with His Father.
Lindsay: Yes, absolutely.
Dr. Kim: And, so, I think, that same opportunity is there for us.
Lindsay: Yes, that's good. Sometimes the simple things just really can reorient us.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: Well, Dr. Kim, this has been a really helpful conversation today. Just covering a lot of ground, answering a lot of questions. Are there any final pieces of advice you'd have, as we close out this conversation?
Dr. Kim: Well, first, thanks to our listeners for asking questions. I love that. I love this kind of thing. One of the things I love the most about when I speak is the questions afterwards. Because those are things that people are really dealing with. I mean, I can say things in general that I think will help people. But the specific questions I love and I know there's other topics that we'll be able to do this on in the future.
But I guess, out of this is, whatever situation you find yourself in, whatever is triggered by that series that we just did on Healthy Self, Healthy Marriage that there's help there. That if you feel like you're stuck or you're going backwards.
You know marriage, I think, always moves. It goes forward or backward, I don't think it stands still. And, so, if there's things that need to be done to help you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, just take that first step and know that God is there with you in it. I've never seen a situation that God didn't have an answer for, ever.
Lindsay: Hmm, wow, yes, that's incredible because there's hope for everyone. And I like just the idea that as long as we're here, you said this earlier in this series. But as long as we're alive, He's got a plan for us.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. I was thinking of, well, my mom who lived to be almost 90. And the years after my dad died, which is about eight or nine years that she was without him. I'd see what, I've seen other people doing that, she had women into her home. She had Bible studies.
You would walk into her home and there was a table that she studied at and it would always have Bible, concordance, different things.
The Bible to study with that, and she was just a living witness. And, I think, as much as she was ready to go to heaven and reunite with my dad, in Christ and all those kind of things, she knew that God still was using her. And she ministered to so many people by herself during those nine years.
Lindsay: Wow.
Dr. Kim: And, so, I think, that just helped me see that God always is going to use us. There's a story I heard years ago about a young woman and she was paralyzed for life. And she had, had all these hopes and dreams of what she wanted to do. And somebody wrote her and asked her, "Would you pray for me?" And that started a whole ministry for the rest of, what I knew, of her life. That she prayed for people around the world.
Lindsay: Wow.
Dr. Kim: And she was a prayer warrior. Apparently her prayers were really answered by the Lord. And, so, she, the woman that couldn't do anything but pray, but how much power there was in that, and the people that she touched around the world.
So, I think, wherever we are, God has something for us to do no matter what stage of life we're in. And sometimes we're on the stretcher, I get that. But when we're off the stretcher He's got something to do with, and when we're on the stretcher He's got healing for us.
Lindsay: Absolutely. Yes, oh, that's so good. So I really hope that this conversation has been encouraging and helpful. I hope that everyone who sent these questions has listened, and heard the answers, and is encouraged. And, of course, we always welcome that you reach out to us at info@awesomearriage.com.
If you have questions about anything we mentioned today, don't hesitate to reach out. We love hearing from you and we do answer every email we get. We have an awesome care team that takes good care of people and we work together to do that.
Make sure you follow us on Instagram and Facebook, and find Dr. Kim on TikTok. And if you have a minute to leave this a rating and a review, that is such a helpful way to help the show.
So all the links we mentioned today will be in the show notes. And just note, as you're listening, we're praying over each of these marriages, and that we really do pray for all the people we interact with and contact. And we just want to see God's healing brought into marriages, and we believe that that is happening.
Thanks so much for listening and sharing your time with us today, have a great day, and do something awesome for your marriage today.
[00:34:57] < Music >
Dr. Kim: I have a question for you, has Awesome Marriage podcast helped your marriage?
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[00:36:01] < Music >
Announcer: Are you and your spouse as unified as you would like to be? We know it takes some work to get on the same page, and it definitely takes work to stay there. And that's why we created our Couples' Unity Building Journal.
This Journal is designed to help you take a real, honest look at key areas of your marriage, and work together to communicate effectively and get unified.
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[00:37:49] < Outro >