Anxiety and Your Marriage
This week in the Dispatch:
3 Humorous Marriage Stories
John Grisham’s latest
A New YV plan on Communication
Listen: Affair Proofing Your Marriage
Watch: “The Process of Creating Margin in Your Marriage” on the Awesome Marriage YouTube Channel
“Anxiety” in Insights plus Next Steps and a Challenge
This Week’s Quick Hits:
Marriage - A Lighter Look
After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious. “You’re running around with another woman— admit it!” she demanded. “What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!” That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest. “What are you doing?” “Counting your ribs!”
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!” He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?” “You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.” “So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?” “Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’”
I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”
- Bonnie McFarlane, from You’re Better Than Me
Read, Listen, Watch
Read:
The first John Grisham novel I read was The Firm. Then I backtracked to my favorite, A Time to Kill. Since that time I have read every Grisham book. Sooley is the newest but not the first with a sports theme. Sooley is a 17-year-old South Sudanese young man chosen to go to the United States to play basketball in a young players’ showcase tournament. The book goes back and forth between Sooley’s experiences in the United States and the civil war going on in South Sudan. Through this gripping story, Sooley works hard to become a NBA star with the where- withal to rescue his family and bring them to America. At times the book seems predictable, then it takes a turn that changes everything. It is both entertaining and challenging as Grisham dives into some of the things that go along with fame and their consequences.
YouVersion Plan:
Achieving Awesome Communication in Marriage
Communication is an area of marriage that every couple, at one time or another, has to deal with. This eight day plan is one of our newest and will give you strong Biblical principles to help you achieve awesome communication in your marriage. It is a great plan to do together.
Listen:
Worth Repeating: 5 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage
As Christina and I take a 4-week break, we will open the vault of 468 podcasts and select a podcast that we think is Worth Repeating. This week, it’s “5 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage.” This is a powerful podcast and one that will make a difference for every couple. Don’t miss it!
Watch:
This week on the Awesome Marriage YouTube channel, we continue with a four part series on “Creating Margin in Your Marriage.” This week I will talk about “The Process of Creating Margin” which takes both of you working together and commitment to a plan.
Insights:
Anxiety and Your Marriage
Most of us have or will experience anxiety during our lifetime. To occasionally experience anxiety is a normal part of life. I may be anxious before a speaking engagement or a video shoot or when I am a guest on someone else’s podcast. For me, those are normal and have gotten better by doing these more often. Getting nervous before an exam or a job interview is normal.
Experiencing an anxiety disorder is a completely different situation. Sometimes people worry excessively and have fear about everyday situations. Often, these disorders consist of repeated episodes that have sudden feelings of anxiety and fear or terror that escalate quickly. These are difficult to control and can last an extended period of time. These symptoms can begin during childhood, teen years, or adulthood.
About two months after Nancy and I married, I was working and she was finishing college at the University of Central Oklahoma. One morning, she was to make a presentation in one of her classes. She prepared well and confidently headed to class. The professor called on her. As she began to speak, she froze. It was nothing that she had ever experienced before. She didn’t even know what to call it but her heart was beating out of her chest and it was difficult to breathe. She knew her face had to be bright red. She looked at the professor and then ran out of the class. Later, as we talked about it, the same feelings began to come back. I know I said something like, “Stop it, don’t do that” which was not the right thing to say. Nancy was distraught but I could not understand why she could not control it. This marriage we were trying to build took its first big hit.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America states that anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the USA and affects 40 million adults eighteen or older every year. That’s 18.1% of us. After Nancy's first experience with this level of anxiety, we began to seek help and honestly, the options were few. She went to a secular counselor, which gave her someone to talk to, but the help was limited. It was not until about 10 years later that real change began to happen. Nancy found a wonderful Christian counselor that worked with her on the process of renewing her mind. Nancy would say that was the turning point as she opened herself to God in a way that she never had before. There was also a great doctor at the OU School of Medicine that was working with a doctor in Boston on the use of medications to treat anxiety disorders. The combination of Christian counseling, a deepening faith, trust in God, and the right medication that brought about change.
A lot of couples today are affected by anxiety disorders. If you have a spouse that fits this description, don’t do what I did. Telling your spouse to “get over it” or “suck it up” is the absolute wrong thing to do. Your spouse needs you to come alongside them. Your spouse needs to know you will fight this together as a team. I had no idea where to begin all those years ago. Today it would be different. This is what I would suggest to you:
First, this is a team deal. It’s the sickness and health part of the vows you both took.
Second, pray together for wisdom and God’s healing.
Next, find a good Christian Counselor that is competent in this area.
Consult your medical doctor about medication options and/or referrals.
Find scripture verses that are helpful and write them down where you will see them often.
Finally, be hopeful. There are answers. It may be a tough season for the two of you and your marriage but remember it is just a season.
Challenge:
When is anxiety a problem for either of you?
How do you react when your spouse is anxious?
Do you see yourselves as a team when dealing with this and other similar issues?
Next Step:
If either of you is dealing with an anxiety disorder, will you commit to the steps above as you move towards healing?
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