Supporting Your Spouse Dealing with Depression
“I just found out that my husband has been depressed and he was hiding it from me. What are some practical godly ways to handle this besides praying for him?”
First, take a deep breath and resist the urge to make this about you. I know it hurts that he hid this from you, but depression comes with a massive load of shame. He probably thought he was protecting you or that he should be able to "man up" and handle it alone. Your reaction right now will either drive him deeper into hiding or create safety for him to be honest about his struggles.
Depression is not a spiritual failing, it's often a medical condition that needs professional help. Yes, pray for him absolutely, but also encourage him to see a counselor or doctor. Offer to make the appointment, go with him, or research options together. Don't take it personally if he's not ready immediately, but keep the door open and keep encouraging.
Practically, look at what you can take off his plate right now. Depression makes everything feel overwhelming, so maybe you handle the bills this month, take over bedtime routines with the kids, or just let the house be messier than usual. Ask him specifically what would help instead of guessing. Sometimes it's as simple as not having to make dinner decisions or having the freedom to go to bed early without questions.
Create space for him to share without trying to fix everything. When he does open up, resist the urge to give advice or Bible verses unless he asks for them. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is just listen and say, "I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here with you."
Practical Steps:
Don't make his depression about you or take the hiding personally.
Encourage professional help: counseling, therapy, or medical evaluation.
Take responsibilities off his plate temporarily to reduce overwhelm.
Ask what specific help he needs instead of guessing.
Listen without trying to fix or giving unsolicited advice.
Create a judgment free environment for him to be honest about his struggles.
Key Takeaways:
Depression often includes shame, which is why he hid it.
This is likely a medical issue that needs professional intervention.
Your response now determines whether he'll continue hiding or start healing.
Practical support can be as important as emotional support.
Recovery takes time so be patient with the process.
If you want to learn more, listen to this podcast episode I did about “When Your Spouse Is Depressed.”