Hearing "I love you" Is a Basic Human Need
I haven't heard my wife say "I love you" in years... Is it genuine if I have to ask for the affirmation?
I know your heart is breaking over this, and that's completely understandable. Hearing "I love you" isn't needy or immature, it's a basic human need, and the fact that she says it to your kids every day makes its absence in your marriage even more painful. You're not asking for too much.
Here's the thing though: asking for it doesn't make it less genuine when she says it. Think about it this way: if your wife asked you to take out the trash more often, and then you started doing it, would that make it less helpful or loving? Of course not. She might not realize how much hearing those words means to you, especially if she's showing love in other ways that feel more natural to her.
You need to have this conversation, but do it from a place of sharing your heart, not from hurt or accusation. Try something like, "Honey, I know you love me and I see it in how you care for our family. I have a need though…hearing you say 'I love you' really fills my tank and makes me feel connected to you. I notice you say it to the kids every day, and I was hoping you could say it to me sometimes too."
Don't suffer in silence thinking you're being noble. Your marriage needs both of you to communicate your needs clearly. And while you're at it, ask her what makes her feel most loved. There might be ways you're missing the mark with her too, and this could be an opportunity to love each other better.
Steps to Take:
Have a calm conversation about your need to hear "I love you."
Share your heart without accusation or comparison to how she treats the kids.
Ask what makes her feel most loved and work on meeting those needs.
Don't interpret having to ask as evidence that love isn't genuine.
Be patient as you both learn to be more intentional about expressing love.
Key Takeaways:
Needing to hear "I love you" is completely normal and valid.
Having to ask doesn't diminish the genuineness of the words.
She may not realize how important verbal affirmation is to you.
This is an opportunity for both of you to love each other better.
Communication about needs strengthens marriage, it doesn't weaken it.
To better understand how to love each other, use this free Love Tank Printable!