What should a couple do when your adult kids come between you and your spouse?

I get it. Your kids have been the center of your world for decades, and now they're grown but still trying to manage your marriage from the sidelines. Here's the hard truth: when you let your adult children come between you and your spouse, you're actually hurting everyone involved, including those kids. Your marriage is the foundation of your family, and when that foundation is shaky, everyone feels it.

I've seen too many couples sacrifice their marriage on the altar of keeping their adult kids happy, and it never ends well. Your kids need to see what a healthy, united marriage looks like. That's the best gift you can give them and their future families. When your daughter calls to complain about Dad, your response needs to be, "Have you talked to your father about this?" When your son tries to get you to take sides, you redirect him back to working it out directly.

Here's what this looks like practically: you and your spouse need to get in a room and decide what your boundaries are going to be before the next family crisis hits. Decide together what topics are off limits for your kids to discuss with you about each other. Decide how you'll handle holidays, money decisions, and grandparent issues as a team. Then present a united front, even if you disagreed privately about the decision.

Steps to Take:

• Have private conversations with your spouse to align on boundaries before a crisis hits.

• Refuse to let adult children triangulate you into their conflicts.

• Redirect kids to work directly with the parent they have an issue with.

• Present united decisions even when you disagree privately.

• Stop using your children as emotional support systems or marriage counselors.

Key Takeaways:

• Your marriage comes first, period. This actually helps your kids long term.

• United parents create security for the entire family system.

• Adult children need to learn to respect your marriage boundaries.

• You cannot keep everyone happy, so prioritize your covenant relationship.