Being Single - Part 7

Let’s say you have done all the right things.  You made your checklist for what you want in a future mate.  You took a 30 day time out and sought God.  You didn’t date to just be dating.  You waited patiently. Finally, the right person came along.  Everything seemed to match up.  The first six months of dating were like a dream come true.  Everyone has been supportive of the relationship.  Now you have been dating over a year and some red flags are popping up.  You want to ignore them but realize you cannot.  What in the world happened?  This relationship was destined for marriage but now there are questions.  What should you do? This is a tough question and one I have only had to deal with a few times as a counselor.  It underlies a principle that we do not talk about very much in our culture today.  That principle is that you need to date someone at least a year before you marry.  I know there are countless stories of couples that dated a short time and have been happily married for years.  But those are really the exception.

There is really nothing magical about the one year rule but there is something to be said about going through a full year or more of dating before marriage.  It allows you to get past some of the infatuation of a new relationship and to settle into some semblance of reality.  The bottom line is that if red flags pop up you cannot ignore them.  They have to be dealt with even if it means the death of the relationship. Remember it is far better to end a relationship on this side of the altar than on the other side.  Ending a relationship is painful but not near as painful as divorce.

What are some of the red flags you see in relationships?

Dr. Kim