A Marriage is Only As Healthy as The Two People In It
First off, I will admit that I have a bias. But I think every couple can benefit from seeing a Christian counselor. If your marriage is good, the counselor can help you identify areas to make your marriage even better and help you come up with a plan to live that out. If you are struggling in your marriage, the counselor can help you understand how you got where you are as a couple, work through issues, come up with steps for change, and come together as a team. I cannot even begin to count the times a couple has said something like this to me, “We knew we needed counseling but we just kept putting it off. I wish we had done this a long time ago.”
Christian counselors help couples work through issues and embrace God’s plan for their marriage. I don’t think you will ever regret spending time with a good Christian counselor. In fact, I think you will wonder why you did not do it sooner!
Now that I hopefully have you on the same page with me as far as Christian counseling, the next question is this, “How do we find the right counselor?” Over the next few blogs, I want to help you in making this decision. We will look at:
First steps to that first appointment
Three things your counselor needs to believe to help your marriage
Four qualities your counselor needs to have
First Steps to the First Appointment
One good way to find a Christian Counselor is to talk to couples you know that have benefited from seeing a counselor. Word of mouth is still one of the best guides. You can also ask your pastor who he would recommend. While some pastors do counseling, most have counselors they trust to refer couples to. There is also the American Association of Christian Counselors. Use their web site to look up Christian counselors in your area. So, whether it is a recommendation from another couple or a pastor or AACC, you have the benefit of others vetting out the counselor for you!
Once you decide on one or two counselors, call their office and ask the questions that are important to you. Ask how long the sessions are, what they charge, whether they take insurance, and whether they offer a sliding scale for fees. These are all important things to know. You might also ask about the counselor’s style of counseling, how long they have been in practice, and if they give homework. A word of warning - don’t let the cost keep you from going to counseling. Your marriage is worth the investment. Also, you want a counselor you feel comfortable with and who really listens to both of you. I think experience is important in a counselor, but all counselors do have to start somewhere.
Your first appointment is designed for you to get to know the counselor and for them to get to know you. You will probably share your background, family and marriage history, and identify the problem(s) to work on in that first session. I like giving homework. It gives the couple a way to continue to work on their marriage outside of the counseling room. The homework that I give may be to set aside time each day to talk, to make a daily time for prayer, or to do a short YouVersion plan together. After the first session, you will probably know if the counselor is not a fit for you but otherwise, I would give the counselor at least three sessions.
The key to successful counseling is for both of you to follow through with what the counselor asks you to do and to make appointments consistently. A marriage is only as healthy as the two people in it. The healthier the two of you get, the healthier your marriage will be.
Now it’s your turn:
Find a counselor or two to look into
Gather information and ask questions
Make that first appointment
Do the homework
Finally, celebrate as your marriage gets better!