Ground Rules to Help You Fight Fair & Make Up Well | Ep. 606
Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.
If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation.
We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.
Episode highlights include:
The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair
The side effects of unhealthy conflict
A healthy way to “let it all out”
Can honesty go too far? How do you know?
Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well
*Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!
QUOTES
“We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we weren’t ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this. “ - Dr. Kim Kimberling
“We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts.” - Lindsay Few
“We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him.” - Lindsay Few
QUESTIONS FOR YOU
When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?
Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.
Dr. Kim’s conflict boundaries:
Don’ts:
Yelling, cussing, name calling
Using 100% words (always, never)
I statements
Don’t throw around the word divorce
Dos:
Listen well
Make it your goal that the marriage wins
Be respectful - treat your spouse well even in conflict
Take responsibility for your part
Apology pitfalls to avoid:
Making excuses
Blaming them for your actions
An apology with strings attached.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar
Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.
If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.
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