5 Money Tips To Try | Ep. 512
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Lindsay: Welcome to the Awesome Marriage podcast. A place for honest conversations and practical advice on how to build an awesome marriage. I'm your Podcast Producer and co-host Lindsay Few.
On the show will be our host, Dr. Kim Kimberling. Dr. Kim is a marriage counselor and has been married for over 50 years. His passion is to help you strengthen your most intimate relationship.
Last month on the podcast, we shared some of the major money mistakes we see couples make, and today we're sharing some money tips to try. We want to see couples thriving in their marriages, and that includes stewarding money well.
It's a real pain point for so many couples. But there are a lot of ways to move out of that stuck-in-stress place, that we're going to share today. So, Dr. Kim, as we're getting started, I have noticed when we talk about money, you get a spark in your eye, why is that?
Dr. Kim: Well, I think a couple of things. One, early in marriage, we didn't do well with money. We didn't handle it right until we saw up-close the consequences that come from that. How it can erode some trust, and how it can cause fights and conflict. So, I think knowing that, when we did finally figure things out, get on the same page financially, try to do things the way we think God wanted us to with our finances, it made a difference.
So, in the counseling room, I see so many couples that money is an issue. May not be the big presenting problem, but a lot of times it's just one of the problems that they're having to deal with. And if they have other problems and money is a problem, then you've got this stress that comes with that.
So, I think, I know the difference that it makes. And, I think, just we live in a culture that doesn't tell us a lot about being responsible with money. And, I think, when we are our lives are better. And when we're not, then we're just living under the stress all the time that we create ourselves.
Lindsay: Yeah. Oh, gosh, that's a good point. That's really good. It's funny because I noticed that you perk up on the topic. Because Brian is the same way.
So my husband, as a pastor he gets to pre-marital counsel a lot of couples. And we'll sit in and we get to the money session and he loves talking about it. And, I think, a big part of it is you just see all this possibility in ways that people, often, are stressed and like you said burdened.
But as a believer, there's a great wide open possibility to do a lot of good with it. And so it's, kind of, exciting when you can shift from the heavy-burden-stress place, and instead just see a lot of possibilities.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: And I can see that with you too, when we talk about it. That it's like, "Oh, there's something better we could get to here, which is really exciting. "
Dr. Kim: Yeah, I think it is. And, I think, when you see a couple that goes from, whether in debt or just not trusting each other. And, sometimes, people come into a relationship, and maybe they were in a previous relationship or marriage, where money was abused and not taken well. And, so, then, all of a sudden, you're saying, "We want to do this a little bit different." And, so, sometimes there's a little bit of a hesitation there.
But once they decide to move forward you just really begin to see some changes. And it's like they're together on this and it helps them, I think, it just sets a principle of trying to be together in everything in their marriage too.
Lindsay: Yeah, totally. When you're saying that, like entering into a marriage, it reminded me of a story. When we were in our first few months of marriage. We were both still in college, we were both waiting tables.
Brian was also working at a coffee shop, so we were like just getting by. We were making most of our money in tips. And I remember, I don't know, we were, sometime in the first year of marriage.
But I realized I somehow was not aware, I hadn't really thought about it. But I was keeping the dollar bills that I made in tips in my wallet, just keeping this for me. But then the 10s, 20s, fives I would put into like our general fund.
So I was withholding all of this money. All the singles, all the change or whatever, not really thinking about it. Just, kind of thinking, "Well, it's my money that I made. I'm going to do what I want with my money."
But it was really the first time of having to be accountable to somebody else, and think about sharing things together. And Brian said, "How would you feel if I did that with my money. If I put some of it towards us and just kept some of it separate?"
And I was like, "Oh, well, I guess, that's not fully sharing." And it was such a wake-up call for me, just because it was something new. A new way to think about it.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, because, I think, we're used to, I mean, if you're single, it's kind of everything yours. Especially, after you are out of parents' home and you guys are off in college. And, so, you look at things different and I think that happens a lot in marriage.
People both work and, so, we can get protective of our money like, "This is my money." Where you can have a little bit, all those kinds of things. And, I think, that's where a lot of times we get in trouble like that. And it was good that Brian said something to you, early on, like that and you guys figured that out.
Lindsay: It was, I mean, what a funny process to go from really, literally, from me, too we in that.
Dr. Kim: Yes
Lindsay: And, sometimes, not even realize all the areas that we're sharing until you get into it. And, I think, money is a really tangible place that plays out.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: So what would you say, to start off with, is one of your top tips to try with money?
Dr. Kim: I do think the overall principle of God is the owner, we're the managers is really important. Because I think, it takes one, if I acknowledge everything that we have is really from God. That He owns it all. He's given it to us to steward, to do well with. Well, that puts a different perspective, and it doesn't become mine or Nancy's. It becomes, "Okay, this is really God's, anyway, and we want to manage this in the best way, in a way that honors Him."
We don't do that perfect all the time and it's always something you have to be conscious of. Because, I think, in our culture, because of advertising and everything, and I can be impulsive in spending. And, so, it's something that I have to continue to work on and put things in place. So that I can, kind of, keep that perspective.
I think it was probably easier for us starting out, kind of, what you and Brian went through. Because we had been in college, but we'd never really lived single. I mean, our parents were still helping us with college and stuff like that.
So, then we got married, we didn't have much and we both were working. And, so, it was really easy to put everything together and we always did. And I know sometimes now when couples get married later in life, or it's a second marriage.
They're used to being single and having everything their own. Sometimes giving up that control of money is a difficult thing. And, yet, I think, to me, it can cause this tension. It can cause this conflict.
If I bring in 60% income and Nancy 40%, and we split all the bills, 60-40. Instead of just saying, "Hey, this all goes in the same pot. This is all from God, and we pay our bills out of it." That's always worked well for us.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. I think that's a good point. I think that view of God first, that you always have about God first, spouse second, really, does apply here with money.
Because if we're trying to preserve, like, hang on to our money, keep it ours. It wasn't ours to begin with, anyway. And, so, we're really trying to have more of a hold over it than we ever could. So that's going to naturally create stress.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely. And, I think too, also, when we get on the same page with it, it eliminates that, it builds trust. And, I think, a lot of times there's trust broken in the way money is handled. And, maybe, it's not in every area of marriage then, but it is in finances and that's an important part. Because it affects us just about every day.
Lindsay: Yes, absolutely. I think that seeing money as God is just the first fundamental shift. From having a tense or a heavy or a stressful view of money into having a more open and expansive view of money.
Because I love what you've quoted this in some of, I think, in the marriage prep course. You talk about how the Scripture is that God says, "I'm the owner of the cattle in all the hills. Everything in the entire Earth is His."
He's not scrimping, He's not scarce, He has the resources. And it's like when I see my kids fighting over the biggest piece of brownies or whatever. Like, you don't have to do that. If I wanted to I could give you a whole pan of brownies.
Dr. Kim: Right.
Lindsay: There's no shortage. I'm not going to do that, and they know that. That's, probably, why they're fighting. But the thing is I watched them fight over and I'm like, "Gosh, if you would just open your hand, open your little hand, and stop grabbing and prying. I would be so happy to give you a bigger piece."
Just from seeing that there's not this tension and division and enmity between you. And I see that mental image when I think about God being the owner of all the resources. When we can stop nickeling, and diming, and fighting, and feeling so scarce and possessive.
Dr. Kim: Mh-hmm.
Lindsay: Then we almost are able to invite His provision a little bit more. Which is not to say we get the whole pan of-
Dr. Kim: Brownies?
Lindsay: ...metaphorical brownies, necessarily. But just to see it with a different lens is huge.
Dr. Kim: I think, it is. And I think, for whatever reason, that's hard for a lot of people. Because they think, "Well, I worked, I earned this money." One of my favorite classic movies is Shenandoah, with Jimmy Stewart, and he's the head of this family. Back at the beginning of the Civil War and his wife has died.
In one of the scenes, he's sitting at the table with all his kids, and he's getting ready to say grace, all this food. And, so, he says, "Thanks God for the food." He said, "We tilled the land, we planted the seed, we harvested, we cooked it, but thanks God."
It's kind of like, "I did everything, it's us giving thanks to God is a token." As opposed to looking at it that everything really does come from Him. And, I think, it is a shift. And, I think, if somebody is listening and going, "Uh, I don't know if I can get there."
I would just say begin praying. Say, "God help me see money through your eyes. Help me to learn to use it in a way that honors you." And trust God with it, because He's not going to do anything to hurt you.
Lindsay: Oh, yeah. And all those things you said that we do this, and we do that. But who gave me that strength? Who gave you the life in your body? The breath in your lungs that allows you to do that? You got to take it back to the source. That's good.
I think too, there is a call, as a Christian, to be generous and to provide for our family in a wise way and to leave a legacy. Something not everyone's able to do, a lot of us, our family, hasn't been able to provide that in the past.
But if we're wise with our money and careful, and considerate, you could leave your family better off than you found it. Which is really pretty encouraging to think about the generosity that we talked about in the last podcast, as well. With finding ways to give.
Dr. Kim: And, I think, that whole concept, I love that you brought that up of generosity. Because, I think, it changed my mindset when I learned it's not because I have to, it's because I want to. And you see the benefits of giving, of helping other people. Sometimes leaving a waitress a tip that they had no idea they were going to get something big.
Lindsay: Yeah.
Dr. Kim: And just being generous, and knowing that God gives us opportunities to do that. And, I think, it's a good example.
Lindsay: Yeah, that's true. That's really good. So what would be your second money tip to try?
Dr. Kim: A budget. I think, people shy away from budget. I think, people, will a lot of times, think, "Well, this is going to handicap me or this could keep me from doing what I want to do." And, of course, our selfishness gets us in trouble, anyway. And, so, it can keep us from having a budget.
But I think for Nancy and I, a budget is what gave us a map. It let us know what our obligations were every month. What income we had coming in. Do we need to cut? Do we have extra? How much can we give? How much can we save? Always saving and that kind of thing.
So, I think, it gives you a real roadmap. And we always put, in our budget, we put discretionary income spending for both of us.
So I knew that every month, say, for hypothetical, I had $100 a month I could spend however I wanted. Nancy couldn't say anything; she could do the same. And, so, if I bought something that she thought was silly, she couldn't say anything. Because it was part of my $100 and same thing with her.
So, I think, you can get around the idea of a budget being something that's just going to cramp your style. Because we also always put money in for recreation. We always had money in there for a date night. There's a time it was McDonald's and a dollar movie, but it was in there. And if things got better, then we could do something different on those times.
But, I think, having that budget, really in the big picture, frees you up, and it lets you know where you are financially. Because I see some people that, I've had so many people tell me, "Well, we owe money." And I said, "Well, how much is it?" "Well, we just don't ever open those bills." So you just avoid doing something like that, as opposed, to being proactive and getting on top of it. So I think budget is important.
Lindsay: Yeah, ouch! That feeling of just not knowing and it's like too much work to try to have to face it. But if you just keep not facing it, you're just saving the pain till later. It's still going to hurt, it's still going to be there.
Dr. Kim: Exactly.
Lindsay: You are just saving it.
Dr. Kim: It may be worse later on than if you start working on it now.
Lindsay: And I know, for me, I don't enjoy the budgeting process. I don't like those columns on those spreadsheets, and all those little boxes. It's not my style, I like things a little more free-flowing. But it is worth it to labor through. Now, at this point, Brian and I have found ways that we can talk about and budget and spend, in ways that I don't have to do as much with the boxes anymore. Because we just have things more automated.
But, at first, it was, oh, gosh just this feeling of dread. I don't want to have to sit down and talk about this, and I would just do anything to try to avoid it. But it's the same, I mean, if we don't talk about it now we're going to fight about it later.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: If we don't get proactive, we're still going to have to deal with it. So, I think, just be encouraged, if you are a budget dreadder, just go and rip that Band-Aid off a little bit. I mean, you can make yourself a nice cup of tea or something, take the edge off a little bit, whatever you got to do. But it's worth facing it because it's not going to go away.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, and I think you mentioned something too. Now that technology is there, there are some really good apps. There's, really, good things you can do that make it much easier, they do a lot of the work for you. You just have to plug in figures, so it's not as complicated as it used to be.
But you still have to be diligent. You still got to plug-in the numbers in and then look at it. And, I think, a budget is usually in progress. It might take you two or three months to get back on track, really make sure you refine some things.
And then like, right now, we, probably, I mean, I look at it every month. We probably only make adjustments a year, because we've been doing it for a long time.
And, so, when we end one year and we begin to look at the other, do we want to do something different? If we have more, do we want to save more? Do we want to plan a trip, whatever we want to do with it? But, I think, once you get the rhythm of it, it becomes natural. Like brushing your teeth, you do your budget, things like that.
But I think a lot of people feel like you do, at the beginning, for sure. "I don't want to do this; this is going to be painful." And, so, you got to stick with it till you get the results, to see some benefits.
Lindsay: Yes. Because then, I mean, at some point, like you said, it's going to become more normal. It's going to become more your routine. It's not always going to be terrible, and if it is, you need to change some things. You need to make some adjustments.
Well, we went through seasons where we did the envelopes with cash. Partly because I said, "I don't want to have to keep track of everything." And, so, it'd be, "Well, here's the cash." That way I don't have to and, so, that kind of took that pain points out. But for everyone, there's a ton of different systems you could use, don't labor through a system you hate. Find something you both love.
Dr. Kim: That's a really great point.
Lindsay: There are ways to accommodate all different, kind of, preferences and to make it work. So don't be stuck on that.
Dr. Kim: I do think, though, starting out sometimes that Envelope System, which I guess, Ramsey started that. You have an envelope for different things, groceries, whatever and you put cash in it, I think, it makes you very aware.
I think if you take time for a month to jot down on your phone or mobile device everything you spend that you don't have a record of. So whether it's coffee or whatever it is and, I think, it just helps you be aware. It doesn't mean that now you can't go out and have coffee anymore.
No, it just means be aware of that. And knowing that if I do some of these things I really want to do, maybe, we need to adjust some things over here. And, again, working on it together. How do we best honor God with our money?
Lindsay: Yes. And that's great to bring it back to that first point, as you do this. Because then it takes the pressure off, but it also raises your view of it's not just about fumbling through this thing we hate. It's about, "No let's get a bigger vision and bring it back to what God has given us and entrusted us with."
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
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Lindsay: What would be your next tip?
Dr. Kim: I think having goals is helpful. Especially if you get to the point where you can say you've got some excess. I mean, one initial goal may just be to learn to live within your budget, your income, and, so, that could be a goal.
Once you get to that point, and you get to the point where you get some surplus. Then you can set goals what do you want to do with that? Do we want to plan a family trip? Do we want to give something really special or whatever it is, with those goals? I don't know, I think, having some of those out there, gives us, some of that, a purpose. And when you achieve those goals it's really neat.
If your goal is to pay your house off in 10 years instead of 30 years. And then when you work hard because you've sacrificed some to do that in 10 years, and you celebrate and then all of a sudden, "Wow, look at all this freedom we have." So sometimes I think it helps to have a goal out there, that puts purpose to what you're doing. Why we're budgeting? Why we're being responsible with our money, all those things.
Lindsay: Yeah, totally. I think that's a great point. Because if you don't really know what you're working towards, how are you going to ever get there?
Dr. Kim: Exactly. And, I think, sometimes we do this just because, and I get it. We go along day by day, and week by week, and we're busy, and kids are busy. And we're in the car or we're eating on the run, and then we just don't take the time to sit down and do some of those things. So, I think, anytime we can intentionally sit down and do a little planning.
One thing, I think, that our Weekly Check-up Guide for Couples does, there's a financial component to that. And, I think, when we do something like that every week, it really keeps us on track.
Lindsay: Oh, yes. And that's a great way to kind of demystify the process too. To make it part of a regular check in, just make it more normal. I think that's something that Dan and Kay Ockey have done a really great job with that, with their Centsei Financial Seminar.
Dr. Kim: Mh-hmm.
Lindsay: They talk a lot about knowing your "WHY" and having a purpose for what your financial goals are, and why you're making these changes. And they say that's one of the top mistakes people make.
So I'll put the link in the show notes to their Free Budget Seminar; Four budgeting mistakes most people make and how to fix them. That's a great starting place for implementing some of this tough stuff, like the next steps for that. And I love that they hit that too, because, I think, without having a purpose you are going to fumble.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, and it's been so cool since we began to partner with them on that. Because they brought a component to Awesome Marriage that we wanted to be there.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: And they do such a good job. Their heart for the Lord and for money, and the people that are going through their free course seem to really benefit from it. So I would highly recommend that.
Lindsay: Yeah, definitely. So that link will be in the show notes to check out. That's definitely a tip that I would highly recommend, as well. Is to have goals and to know what they are. To be specific about them, define them, and know how to know if you've reached them.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, absolutely.
Lindsay: And then celebrate it too. Don't go blow the budget to celebrate it, but be aware of it. Recognize it, check it off, put a sticker on the chart, whatever it takes, just acknowledge that you've done that goal. It's important to celebrate.
Dr. Kim: I think those little celebrations are important. They're just fun, even if you're just high-fiving each other or maybe you're going to get an ice cream or whatever, celebrate a little bit.
Lindsay: Yes, it's been so fun too, to watch some friends go through these processes of facing like student debts and all these things, and making the goal to pay it off.
Then as they were achieving their goals, they were just like want to shout it from the rooftops. Like, "Oh, my gosh, we've done it. We set this goal and then we, actually, paid it off sooner." And everyone is almost inspired, far beyond their marriage, but inspired all of us and reinvigorated us.
I told you in the last podcast about how our small group got together to be generous, and was having this generosity fun. But it's so cool to see how, in the kingdom of God when we have these wins and we make these decisions to follow His wisdom, it overflows. And, so, the freedom that brings can also encourage a lot of other people.
Dr. Kim: Yeah, and, when you mention it that way, I think it can build our faith too. Because, I think, especially when you get into giving, I think, that's, as I understand it, the only place in the Bible where God says, "Test me." Is with our finances. And, so, if we do that, I think, it's hard to explain that, but good things happen.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: When we're faithful, when we tithe, when we acknowledge that this really is God's and not ours. All those things go together to really making money, which can be such a problem, really something that can be really positive in your marriage.
Lindsay: Yeah, absolutely. I love that. Because I don't think that we do ourselves a favor when we say that money is worldly or is evil, and we should shun it. And that's kind of the mindset I came from, nobody taught me that, I don't think. I just thought we should always try to have less because people are in need in the world.
And then I realized, partly, through having an entrepreneurial husband. That actually, if you have the ability to generate, and then you can steward well, and you can help, and you can do creating more is a beneficial thing.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely, that's good.
Lindsay: So I'm curious if tithing is on your list. Since we're talking about it, is that in your list of tips?
Dr. Kim: Yeah. I think it is. Because I think that's a principle of going back to what God wants us to do. If people say, "What is it anyway?"
Well, it's just a principle that He wants us to trust Him in. And, so, if we give 10%, most people that I talked to that begin tithing in a year or whatever into it, they say that 90% has gone farther than 100% did.
That makes sense. That it just seems to happen. And when we started out giving, when we first got married, but it was, kind of, you sit in this church, and it's beautiful. And you think, "Well, they don't really need my money. I can use it to take Nancy to dinner." I could always justify it in some way.
Then when we finally decided we were going to start tithing, we never looked back. It was just like, "Wow." And it wasn't, this week-to-week how much we're going to give, this kind of stuff. It was set and we just set it where it goes. I mean, like right now, our tithe goes, automatically, every weekend from our bank account. And we just have it set up that way.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: So I think it's just a principle. I think it helps us come alongside God in that and really trust Him in the finances there. And, so, I think it's important because He asked us to do it. But, I think like anything else, we learn a lot and we benefit from doing it God's way.
Lindsay: Yeah, absolutely, I think so. That's on my list, as well, for sure. And, I think, with tithing, if you're not sure just try it. Most people who are not a fan of it, haven't tried it. I don't know anyone who has diligently tithed who has not benefited from that. No one.
Dr. Kim: No, I agree. I think in our church, and I guess they still do it, they haven't talked about it much. But they would do a challenge if you give for three months and you feel like God hasn't done his part when you tested Him. Then they'll write your check back. I don't think they've ever written a check back.
Lindsay: Yeah, I would be curious.
Dr. Kim: Because God shows up. If someone is, really, if your heart is in it, "I want to do this God's way." I don't think you're ever going to regret it.
Lindsay: Yeah, I don't think so. And I think, a Few, encouragements if you haven't tried it, and you feel like you're just too strapped. That's actually a great time to start tithing. Because if you had any more money it would actually be harder to tithe on a bigger amount.
Dr. Kim: I think that's true. And I think so many times we think, "Well, when I get to this level of income, I will tithe." And I think what God says, Tithe now, and then you'll keep tithing through.
Because it's a lot easier to tithe on $1,000 or $100, where you give 10 or 100. But when you're talking about $50,000 and you're giving 5,000, sometimes, our mindset changes, and yet that's the principle that God wants us to follow.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. That's very true. And another thing about that, that, I think, it's important to point out. If you are not comfortable with tithing to your church, because you don't know what the money is going to do. Then you need to ask, you need to talk to your pastor, talk to a leader, ask them.
Because we've had people, since Brian is a pastor, we've had somebody one time say, "Oh, just like a commission, the more we tithe the more you get. You want us to tithe, because then you get more." And we're like, "Whoa." That's not, actually, how it works. So glad you brought that up, because that's not how it's set up at all.
And I think, it was funny that he wasn't really asking the question, but we answered it anyway. Because it's important that people be comfortable to ask church leadership questions like that, and to know where their money is going.
A lot of times churches might have mentioned this, but people don't always hear every announcement. Sometimes there's a budget report available. At our church we send them out every quarter, a couple times a year. And, so, it's pretty clear but I know it's pretty easy to miss updates and information.
But we want everyone to know that your church leadership wants to be transparent. They're trying to get that information out. And they want to answer your questions and put your mind at ease. Because it's not a racket, I can assure you that.
Dr. Kim: No, and, I think, that's great. I think because if a church is not transparent with their finances, then you probably want to look at that.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm.
Dr. Kim: A church should want to. We really trust our church. We trust the way they handle money, they're very open with it. And we give to other things through them, because we trust it.
If there's a crisis, like say, there's an earthquake somewhere and people are sending relief. Well, we feel better about giving to our church, and them choosing, designate it who is the best person to do this. So when there're needs like that, sometimes, some people that aren't as credible or as honest jump into it.
So we've really enjoyed trusting our church to that level. That if we want to give extra because something, there's a crisis in the world somewhere. That we go through them and let them funnel that to where they feel like it's best use.
Lindsay: Yeah, that's a great point. That's good. Because it's all, like I was saying before, it all goes together.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: In the kingdom of God, it's like this generosity cascade, it's really cool thing. So do you have another tip for us, on the topic?
Dr. Kim: I was going to go back, just a second to the impulse spending. Because that's been a problem for me and, so, what I find is that I need to, if it's, certainly, over a certain amount, that I need to wait before I buy it.
In the last two months, I've done well on that once and I blew it on once and bought something, so impulsively, that I can't even use now, that was $79. And it was just like, "Oh, that sounds good." Just because I can just fall into that.
But the other thing I was at Costco, and I was going through electronics, so I'm going through that area. And I find this thing, "This will be so cool. I know, we've got one, but this is updated and better." So I put it in my basket. Before I got to check out I took it back and I was so proud of myself that I overcame.
Now I've been thinking about it yesterday, and this, probably, three or four weeks since that happened. And I thought, "I'm so glad I didn't buy it, we didn't need that." And I can be that way.
So I think if you're impulsive like I can be, having an impulse waitlist is a good idea. For you to say you just write it down, and "I'm going to wait a week or two weeks or whatever, before I purchase this."
And what I did find that when I would do that in that period, a lot of times, I would not go back and get it because I decided I didn't need it. And the times that I did, I had time to research and I think I've made a better deal and saved a little money by doing it that way.
Lindsay: Oh, that's really smart. It's beyond just a little self-control. It's also like some general wisdom in there too, that's interesting.
Dr. Kim: Yes, trying to help out a little bit. So, I think, that that is something that some of us deal with. Because we have people in the advertising world do a really good job. I mean, they make things look really good and appealing and that's their job. I don't begrudge them for that at all. But it's my job, whether I go buy that or I really look at it or I give myself time to think about it.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm, so you're just buying yourself time, that's smart. So one other tip that I have on my list is just be willing to re-evaluate these norms of what people spend money on.
I think just look at things through the lens of, "What's working for us, what's normal for us, what's feasible for us? Do we need these, things that we would call needs, sometimes? Do we need a new car? Do we need two cars? Do we need to sign our kids up for all the same extracurricular activities every semester, every year? Do we need... "
And, so, I think that's something that's just almost ingrained, at this point, is everything we can couch it as a need. One of my kids told me yesterday, well, he's been telling us for a few weeks. "I need a bike, I need a new bike, need a new bike." Well, his bike is fine. He just wants a bike that's a little better, a little bigger. So we're just really refining that word, NEED, that's not a need.
Dr. Kim: No. I think, needs, wants, desires, those categories are really good. Because the needs are, to me, they're the basic things in life, I've got to eat. But my want may be whether I eat ramen noodles or whether it is steak, and how does that flesh out. And the desires, for me, are always the things that I would like to do if we have excess money, probably, would do.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. That's a very open tab in our house. Because we just keep bumping up against this over and over. I'm like, "None of these things are needs. But I get it, you want it it's a desire, that's fine. Let's put it on the list, let's work towards that goal." But I think it's a really important distinction for us adults as well.
Dr. Kim: Right, I'm not going to die of starvation because I don't get my new bike or my new car or whatever it is. And, I think, that goes back to advertising and stuff. I'm sure he's seen a bike that he would love, and it probably looks so cool, and he would feel so good on it. And just think, "I'm the best bike rider in the world." And all that stuff and I commend him on that.
That new bike was like a huge deal, especially, if it was under the Christmas tree. I can remember a couple of times that I was, like, "Oh, my gosh, my parents are crazy but Santa gets it."
Lindsay: Too bad, he didn't need this bike around Christmas time, we might have pulled a string or two. I don't know.
Dr. Kim: Maybe he'll learn in that.
Lindsay: Christmas it was fishing. Fishing was the “need” at Christmas. He is just this serial idea haver. Well, do you have any other tips for us on your list?
Dr. Kim: No, I think what was, kind of, my last one was making wise choices. And I think that's what you were saying there. I don't know, I feel good, I think there was a point where I felt if I really followed God's plan, I'm going to not get anything I want.
And, I think, what I've learned that learning to follow His plan, and asking Him to help me make wise choices. There's so much more joy and contentment in that than buying things or being impulsive about things that, in the big picture, very few of those things I can even remember a year from now.
Lindsay: Mh-hmm. That's a great point. And, I think, contentment is something you can't overstate the power of contentment. And, sometimes, the only way to learn it is just by making those choices that are hard.
Like your impulse buying list or putting something on the back burner and just realizing, "It's okay, We've got everything we need." And in recognizing that and having gratitude, the peace that brings us is worth more than the stuff you could have bought.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: Well, so, Dr. Kim, this has been a really helpful conversation today. We've covered a lot, a lot.
Dr. Kim: We have.
Lindsay: But do you have any final piece of advice for our listeners today?
Dr. Kim: Well, I think, there's a couple of things that we've talked about today that have hit me, and I hope, certainly, you guys feel the same way. Just take time out and just begin to say, "Hey, where are we with money as a couple? What do we need to do to make it better?"
Maybe take some of the principles that Lindsay and I have talked about today and go through those and say, "How does this fit us? How are we doing in seeing God as owning everything and us managing? Are we two separate in our money? Do we have a budget? Are we making good choices?"
All those things we've talked about today that you go through. And I think if you'll take time to do that, set some plans in place. A year from now you'll be so much better off with your finances than you are today.
Lindsay: Yeah, that's a good word. That's really encouraging and that's definitely worth trying, for sure.
Dr. Kim: Absolutely.
Lindsay: So I appreciate you giving us that encouragement. So we hope and pray this conversation has been helpful to you. We thank you so much for choosing to spend some time listening to us today.
And always remember if you have any questions, if you have any concerns or if you have anything you just need to follow up on. You can find us all the time at info@awesomemarriage.com. You can always DM us on social media and we will respond to you there. Have a great day, and do something awesome for your marriage today.
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