Sender or Receiver?
This week in the Dispatch:
Summer Facts, Trivia, and Would You Rather in Quick Hits
Read: Are you a Multiplier or a Diminisher?
What do you do if you are “Unequally Yoked?” This Week’s YV Plan
Listen: “Non Verbal Communication” on this week’s Podcast
What opportunities are right in front of you every day? Watch: “Margin Opportunities” on the Awesome Marriage YouTube Channel
“Sender or Receiver? in Insights, plus Next Steps and a Challenge
This Week’s Quick Hits:
Celebrate in June:
Summer Facts
What do people do when they go on summer vacation? 46% say they go on sight-seeing tours, 46% say they go to the parks, 49% go swimming or do water sports, 49% visit historical sites while 54% go shopping.
A favorite summer treat, popsicles were invented in San Francisco in 1905 when an 11-year old boy left a glass of soda outside. By the next morning, the soda had frozen. He then started selling them at a park in New Jersey.
The Eiffel Tower in France grows 6 inches in the summer heat when the iron in the tower expands.
The Longest Summer Bikini Parade took place in China on August 19, 2012, and had 1,085 participants
Summer Trivia Questions:
What year was the beach ball invented?
Which star does the phrase “the dog days of summer” come from?
Who holds the record for most home runs ever?
What’s the longest contiguous beach in America?
In what country is the biggest waterpark in the world?
What year was Jaws released?
Summer Would You Rather:
…swim in the ocean or swim in a pool?
…go fishing or go water skiing?
…spend summer on a farm or in the big city?
…get a really bad sunburn or get stung by a jellyfish?
…watch the clouds during the day or see the stars at night?
…go to a crowded beach or a deserted island?
…ride a rollercoaster or a waterslide?
…walk barefoot on grass or walk barefoot in the sand?
Read:
Multipliers, Revised and Updated by Liz Wiseman
Multipliers was first published in 2010 and it never got in my queue, but the new updated edition made it. This is a great book for leaders and those who work under leaders. Wiseman talks about two kinds of leaders. The Multiplier does just what the name implies. They use their intelligence to bring out the intelligence and ability of everyone they lead. On the other hand, the Diminisher relies on their own intelligence because they think intelligence is rare and they have it when others do not. This book helped me see my Diminisher tendencies as well as my Multiplier tendencies. This book has made me a better leader and I think will do the same for you!
YouVersion Plan:
At Awesome Marriage, we are often asked, “How do I live with a spouse that does not believe in God?” It’s a tough question and the answers are not easy. In this four-day plan, we will discuss what to do when marriage is unequally yoked.
Listen:
Achieving Awesome Communication: Nonverbal Communication | Episode 46
And we are back! After a short four-week break, Christina and I are back with a brand new episode kicking off a new series on communication. This week we talk about non-verbal communication and the messages both positive and negative that it can send. Don’t miss part one of this series!
Watch:
This week on the Awesome Marriage YouTube channel, we continue with a four-part series on “Creating Margin in Your Marriage.” This week I will talk about “Margin Opportunities.” Every day we have opportunities to create margin in our marriages. In this video we will look at ways to take advantage of those opportunities that are right in front of us.
Insights:
Sender or Receiver?
In American football, it is important that a quarterback has a good relationship with his receiver. It’s the quarterback’s job to throw the ball where the receiver can catch it and the receiver’s job to catch the ball. No matter how great the receiver is, he can’t do anything if the quarterback does not get the ball to him.
Let’s take that principle into marriage. Who has the most responsibility in a conversation? Is it the sender or the receiver? I think a pretty good case can be made for either but after counseling couples for years, I believe it is the sender. Why? In a conversation, if the sender never says anything, there is no conversation. The receiver may be in the perfect position to receive what the sender says but nothing happens until the words are sent. If I am trying to communicate something to Nancy, it is important that I say it in a way she can understand. I am the sender. Sure, it is her responsibility to listen, but if I do not say what I think needs to be said in a way that she can really hear me, the communication will not happen - no matter how willing she is to do her part.
In our marriage, I know from experience that Nancy will hear what I say best if I speak in a calm tone of voice. If I don’t she might get defensive or put up her guard because the tone of my voice sets off alarms in her. Another important thing is to look her in the eyes. That way she knows that what I am saying is important to me and that I want it to be important to her. I have eliminated distractions and I am doing my best to communicate well and to connect with her. Finally, I need to give her time to respond. That may mean that I pause often to give her that opportunity. It’s in that pause that I know whether I communicated it well or not. If I do, then we can move on. If I did not, then I need to rephrase it in a way that she can hear what I want her to hear. In other words, I don’t throw the same pass. Instead, I throw one that I think will be easier for her to catch.
I often talk about being a “student of your spouse.” For me, that means studying Nancy and learning what works with her. I know when she feels safe and loved, and I know how to say things in a way that she can really hear what I am saying. I know what pass to throw. What about you and your spouse? What do you know about your spouse that will help you say things in a way that they can hear? When does your spouse listen best? What tone of voice works best? What distracts you both when communicating? What makes your spouse feel comfortable with you? Now you are ready to throw that pass right where it needs to be thrown and when that happens you score a touchdown conversation.
Challenge:
What is your responsibility in a conversation as the sender?
What is your responsibility in a conversation as the receiver?
Next Step:
As a student of your spouse, what have you learned that helps you have successful conversations?
Trivia Answers:
1938
Sirius
Barry Bonds
Long Beach, WA
Germany
1975
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