Everything But ... Physical Intimacy

This week in the Dispatch:

• Spring Stuff in Quick Hits!

• The Last Days of John Lennon in Books

• YV Plan: “Stop the Fighting: Breaking the Cycles of Unhealthy Conflict”

• AM Podcast: “Simple Ways to Be a Nicer Spouse”

• A Better Man Podcast: “Truth”

• A look at “Physical Intimacy” in Insights

• Improve physical intimacy in this week’s Challenges and Next Steps

This Week’s Quick Hits:

Spring Facts:

• April is a great month for meteor showers, one of which is the Lyrids meteor shower. The Lyrids appear from April 16th to April 26th each year. 

• Another meteor shower, the Eta Aquarids, can be seen onwards from April 21st.

• Apollo 13 was launched on April 11, 1970, and ran into difficulties about two days later. It was then that the famous line “Houston, we’ve had a problem here” was said. It is usually misquoted.

Spring Quotes:

• "Here comes the sun, and I say, It's all right." —The Beatles

• “I've got sunshine on a cloudy day." —The Temptations

• "You can crush the flowers/But you can't stop the spring" —The Flaming Lips

Spring Trivia questions! Answers are below.

• What myth is associated with the first day of Spring?

  • Only on that day can you balance a raw egg on its end.

  • Body hair doesn’t grow on the first day of Spring.

  • You’re most likely to get into a plane crash on the first day of Spring.

  • Only on that day can you see Saturn with the naked eye from anywhere in the USA.

• Which holiday does not occur during Spring?

  • Father’s Day

  • Easter

  • St. Patrick’s Day

  • Mother’s Day

• Is Spring considered the first, second, third or fourth season of the year?

Read, Listen, Watch

Book: 

The Last Days of John Lennon by James Patterson

On February 9, 1964, I gathered around a TV with a bunch of friends to watch the Beatles’ US debut. I remember staring at the TV thinking it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I became an instant fan, along with millions of other teens around the world. I immediately started letting my hair grow out and listening to Beatles music non stop.  

In The Last Days of John Lennon, author James Patterson takes us from Paul and John’s first meeting in Liverpool to December 8, 1980, the day that Mark David Chapman shot and killed Lennon in front of his New York City residence. Patterson is a great storyteller. He weaves the history of the Beatles from inception to breakup with the thoughts of the would be assassin Chapman.  If you are a Beatles fan, a Patterson fan, or a CSI fan, this is a book I think you will really enjoy.  

YouVersion Plan: 

Stop the Fighting: Breaking the Cycles of Unhealthy Conflict

In this four-day plan, we will look at four areas that will make a difference in your marriage when it comes to conflict including next steps that will help you break the cycles.

Podcast: 

Awesome Marriage Podcast:  Simple Ways To Be A Nicer Spouse | Ep. 463 

This week Christina and I talk about one of those marriage essentials - being nice to your spouse. We will look at why sometimes it’s hard to be nice, simple ways to be nice, nice habits to develop, and more. Join us and please rate and review!

A Better Man Podcast | Episode 17: Truth

In this episode Colby and I unpack “truth.” As men, how do we know the difference between real truth and the world’s truth?  How do we embrace real truth and how can that affect our lives as men?

Insights:

Everything But ... Physical Intimacy

This week I’ll pick back up with looking at types of intimacy. Today: physical intimacy.

Let’s define physical intimacy as everything physical but sex. That would include hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, hands and arms everywhere but private parts, and whatever else you want to add that fits the definition. It is non-sexual touch. I think the problem with this is that women seem to enjoy it more than men. It’s not that men cannot enjoy it but generally we would rather just bypass all of that and get to the sex. Right! Yet, God gave us non-sexual touch for a reason. So let’s look at it.

Before we were married I got it. Sex was to be reserved for marriage and so we needed to be boundaries before marriage. That was really difficult for me. I was so attracted to Nancy and honestly pushed the needle as far as I could. So when we married and could have sex anytime we wanted, I had no use for non-sexual touching. The problem I discovered was that Nancy did still see non-sexual touching as valuable. Now we had something to resolve and I was slow coming around. Through this, I learned something. All this physical intimacy that did not include sex could really be fun. Plus when I focused on the non-sexual touching Nancy felt like I understood her and the sex improved too!

Dr. Gary Brown says, “Physical affection or intimacy through hugging, kissing, and touching is just as crucial in the development of relationship bonds as communication.” I believe a relationship must have physical intimacy to survive. Without it, something important is missing.  God created us with touch receptors all over our body because we need physical intimacy.  

Have you ever come home after a difficult day and received a big hug from your spouse? Do you remember how your mood changed? You had energy again after you thought it was gone for the day. That is exactly how God designed our bodies to work. What if on that same day you came home to no hug? How would that affect you? Instead of feeling rejuvenated, you would just continue on your downward spiral. If you had a choice, which would you choose? I thought so.  

There are also other consequences to a marriage without physical intimacy. You can grow apart and feel distant from each other. You may argue more. The fun may slip out of your marriage.  

I see it all the time. If I am at the park people-watching, it is usually pretty obvious which couples have physical intimacy in their marriage and which do not. The couples I see holding hands and laughing together and walking side by side so their bodies touch get it. Other couples may be walking together with no touch and no interaction. The physical intimacy piece of their marriage is missing.

There have been times when our physical intimacy was not the best. We never had a drought but we had some dry days. This is my experience. I did not like the dry days. I missed Nancy’s touch. It was a red flag to me that something needed to happen to mend our relationship. So we never went very long without physical intimacy. Without physical touch I feel like a rudderless boat adrift in the sea. With it I feel anchored to my spouse and my marriage.

Challenge:

• What is your favorite form of non-sexual touching?

• Why is physical intimacy important to you and your marriage?

• Can you think of a time in your marriage when you did not have physical intimacy? What was that like?

Next Step:

Take time to define physical intimacy for your marriage. How can you grow together in this area of your marriage? What are the benefits of keeping physical intimacy a priority in your marriage?

Answers to Spring Trivia

• Only on that day can you balance a raw egg on its end.

• St. Patrick’s Day

• First

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