"The Fire" - From the Best of Dr. Kim's Blogs

We get a lot of questions about sex.  Some from singles and some from marrieds.  I want to address some of the single questions today.

I get asked if this or that is okay before marriage?  How far is too far?  Is it okay to live together before marriage?  Is oral sex okay?  You get the idea.  Now look at those questions and see if you see the same common thread that I do.  I see the same basic question that I asked forty years ago when I was dating.  We all want to know where the boundary line is.  How far can we go?  How close can we get to the fire without getting burned?

We can all rationalize almost anything that we want to do.  I was really good at that. (Unfortunately, at times, I still am)  But finally I realized that I was asking the wrong question.  It was not how close could i get to the fire without falling in.  Instead I needed to ask how far away from the fire can I get?  I had desires and urges and the closer I got to the fire the harder it was to control them.

So I want to challenge you.  Instead of spending time trying to figure out what you can do sexually before marriage, take the issue off the table.  Take your “no” from the fires edge all the way back to ground zero.  You will then begin redefining sex for you and preparing yourself for the sexual relationship in an Awesome Marriage where it is okay to fall into the fire!

Dr. Kim

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