Creating Margin in Your Marriage - Day 4

A Picture of Margin!

The past few times we have talked about creating margin in your marriage.  We defined margin in marriage.  We talked about identifying opportunities to create margin.  We talked about creating margin together and creating it alone.  Let me paint you a picture of a marriage with margin.

I come home from  a stress filled day at work.  I walk in the door late.  Nancy says, “You look like you have had a tough day.”  She hugs me.  We sit down together and talk through my day.  That creates margin for me and I will be much more aware when she has a rough day.  I will want to be there for her like she was there for me.  We are creating margin.

I go clothes shopping with Nancy.  She is looking for something to wear to a party.  We have been in almost every ladies store in the mall.  I am tired and frustrated.  Instead of expressing these, I focus on her.  I see her frustration.  I tell her the the dress she tries on looks great on her but if she wants to keep looking we will.  That creates margin.

I want to go to a sporting event and  Nancy has no interest in going.  She goes.  Not only does she go, she does not complain.  She gets into the game (at least a little) and focuses on us being there together.  Margin is created.

I always have a choice in how I will react to my wife.  I can create distance in the marriage or I can create margin.  Distance loses.  Margin wins.  I choose margin.

What will you choose today?

Dr. Kim

Creating Margin in Your Marriage - Day 3

Creating margin on your own!



What if you want to create margin in your marriage but you are not sure if your spouse will work on this with you?  Do it anyway!  Do your part.  Begin responding in a positive way instead of a negative way.  Look at the good and minimize the bad.  Instead of saying, “I am tired of picking up after you,”  do not say anything.  Pick up their clothes or plate or whatever and see it as an act of service.  Instead of responding in anger respond in love.  Creating margin in your marriage is about grace.  It is the golden rule in the flesh.  It is doing what you promised to do when you stood at the alter and made a lifelong commitment to your spouse.

For  most of you this will be the beginning of turning your marriage around.  Your spouse will see the change in you and they will respond in a positive way.  It may not happen on day one but it will happen.  Stay consistent and do not let anything sway you from your course.  Pray.  Pray hard and pray often.

There are a few of you that are in marriages whare your spouse is not going to respond.  I am sorry - but your life will be better because you are doing what God wants you to do.  You are modeling God’s love to your spouse.  This may not result in happiness but it will result in joy.

Dr. Kim

What is your first step?  Are you ready to begin?  Is there anything holding you back?

 Dr. Kim

Creating Margin in Your Marriage - Day 1

Is there margin in your marriage?

Dave Ramsey has helped many people change the way that they handle their finances.  People in debt have become debt free.  People that never planned financially now plan.  Dave talks about creating margin in your finances.  To me this means that there is more coming in than is going out.  There is extra for giving, saving, and purchasing with cash.  Creating margin in your finances reduces stress.

What about creating margin in your marriage?  Marriage can be stressful.  We can get into rutsand negative cycles.  These can, over time, destroy a marriage.  Instead, what if we created margin.  Let me give you an example.  What if your spouse is always late and everytime they are late you respond with a negative comment: “You are always late.”  “Can’t you ever be on time?”  “I am tired of waiting on you.”

Now creating margin begins with you.  Instead of fuming because they are late, you think of all the things your spouse has to do and have empthy for them.  Instead of attacking them when they show up late, you greet them with a hug and tell them how glad you are to see them.  Instead of pouting, you set aside their lateness and focus on enjoying the time you have together.

Think of an area of your marriage where you could begin to create margin.  What is your first step?  Will you take it today and start creating margin in your marriage?

Dr. Kim