It’s a great question and one that I have been asked countless times. “Which is most important: quality time or quantity time?” Sometimes the person asking wants to justify their position, but most of the time it is a sincere question from those who want to grow their marriage. Let’s look at each one separately and then see if we can come up with a conclusion that works for us.
I am married to a “quality time” person. It’s her “love language.” As long as we have consistent quality time together in our marriage, things usually go amazingly well. It’s about how we use the time together and the key word is connecting. How well do we connect when we spend time together? The better we connect, the better the quality time. For us, connecting usually involves at least one of these: talking, listening, shared activity, and some sort of non-sexual physical touch. Does the amount of quality time make a difference for us? I would say yes. If we are connecting well, the longer we connect, the better our marriage.
Let’s say we only have thirty minutes today for time together. Which do you think will do the most for our marriage: Spending that time focusing on each other or watching something on Netflix? Don’t get me wrong here. We love watching Netflix series together, but facing each other, talking and listening connects us even more. On the other hand, if we have three hours at home together and are doing separate activities, will we be connected? Maybe, but we won’t feel as connected as we would making those three hours quality time. For Nancy that would be a home run for our marriage.
So here is my take on the whole quality versus quantity argument. If you are seeking to grow your marriage, whether you have five minutes or thirty or three hours, make it the most quality time that you can. Five minutes of connecting will outweigh an hour of “just existing” together anytime. My vote is quality! What about you?