The D Word


Nancy and I dated for two years before we married, but we were pretty young. When we got engaged, Nancy was nineteen and I was twenty-one. Not only were we young but we had no clue how to do marriage. Our premarital counseling consisted of two sessions with the pastor who married us. The first session was spent planning the wedding, and the second was spent listening to him tell me funny stories about Nancys family. The sad thing as I look back on this is that I thought our premarital counseling was great! I naively thought marriage would be wonderful and easy because Nancy and I would simply live life together. I had no idea married couples had to work at marriage to make it work. Nobody ever told me that.

So we jumped into this swimming pool of marriage thinking we knew how to swimbut we soon realized that not only did we not know how to swim but we did not even have a life preserver. We had more good days than bad days for the first couple of years, but then the bad days began to outnumber the good days. We tried to fix things on our own but werent doing a very good job. 

Somehow things began to improve. It was not overnight. It was a slow process, and I wish I could give you a one, two, three formula. What I can give you is this: We committed to make it work. That was a huge step for us. We took the D word (divorce) off the table and committed to leave it off. It was still a lot of work, but we were finally both working together toward the same goal.

So, wherever you are in your marriage, do not give up. Take the D word off the table and commit to each other to make it work. That step alone will make a difference.

In 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage, you will discover many great ideas to grow your marriage together.


Your Role and God’s Role


When Nancy and I married, we were very youngespecially by todays standards. I was very immature and had some pretty crazy ideas about marriage and my role as a husband. I adored Nancy. I thought she was the most beautiful thing God ever created. Yet with all that said, I somehow got the idea that I was supposed to change some of the areas in her life that I thought needed changing. As good as she was, I just knew she would be so much better if she followed my plan for her life.

Most of you dont know Nancy. She is a godly, loving wife. She would literally do anything for me. But she also has a really strong type A personality. What that means is that she is not going to let anyone tell her what to do. As a newly married man, I was appalled by this. How could she be so against this opportunity I was offering her?

The bottom line is that I am so thankful that God gave me a type A personality wife. I needed someone who could tell me no. I needed someone who would challenge me and make me examine my plan. 

This is what I learned: God has used me in Nancys life, and He still does, but it is His job to mold her and it is His job to change her. He has the perfect plan for her life. I dont.

What role does God want you to play in the life of your spouse? In 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage, we help you answer this and many other questions.