Sex in Marriage: Baggage - Day 2



Yesterday we looked at the sexual baggage we can all have in our lives and the importance of dealing with it so we can have a fulfilling sexual relationship in marriage.   Today I want to share a few of the things Nancy and I had to deal with that were affecting our sexual relationship.

Nancy was the oldest of three girls in her family.  One sister was only eleven months younger and the other three years younger.  All were beautiful young ladies.  Sexual purity was a virtue that their family tried to instill in each of them but the way Nancy interpreted this was that sex was wrong, bad, and dirty.  It was something to be avoided.  From a puritanical standpoint it worked.  No sex equals no pregnancy, no damaged reputation, no STD’s.  The problem came when Nancy and I fell in love and married.  If someone was supposed to flip a switch on Nancy as she walked down the aisle to become my wife, they missed their cue.  Sex became a struggle for us.  We both wanted that to be an important part of our marriage but often she still saw sex as bad and dirty and wrong.  Sometimes sex made her feel guilty.  The biggest problem came from me.  I was twenty-two and thoughtshe was the most beautiful woman ever created.  I could not stay away from her.  I was frustrated.  She was frustrated.  We, in many ways, were a sexual nightmare.

Even though she knew that sex in marriage was okay, the old beliefs that sex was bad were very hard to shake.  It was a long process.  My part was being patient.  Her part was rewriting her beliefs about sex at the core.  Sex is a beautiful gift from God and the best sex ever is in the context of a Christian marriage.  It took time but she was finally able to embrace that truth.

What is your belief system about sex in marriage?  Does it need to be rewritten?  How would you rate your sexual relationship today?  What would make it better?  Are you ready to work on this beginning today?

Dr. Kim