"Rebuilding Trust - 2"





There are steps involved in rebuilding trust.  Let’s look at one essential step first.  Forgiveness.  I can hear the mouse clicks now.  “He expects me to forgive after what my spouse did?” “He has no idea how I was hurt?” “Does he know how I was humiliated?” “My spouse does not need forgiveness, my spouse needs to be punished!”

Anger kills us.  So does bitterness and hatred.  It is not just emotionally but also can be physically.  The only answer I know to all of the above is forgiveness.

Forgiveness begins the healing process.  Here are two things that forgiveness does not do.  First, it does not make what the other person did right.  An affair is wrong.  Period.  Second, if you forgive it does not leave the door open for them to do it again because they are getting ‘off easy.‘  What forgiveness does do is lay the groundwork for reconciliation and  healing to begin.

Forgiveness is a choice and is also a process.  It may take time but is a goal to keep in front of you.  Whether the marriage heals or not, forgiveness is essential.  When you forgive it actually frees you from the bondage of hatred, anger, and bitterness.  Then you can see if trust can be rebuilt.

Dr. Kim