One to Ten, Part 2

Last time we talked about rating our marriages on a one to ten scale with ten being off the charts awesome. We talked about how there is always hope even if you are a “one.”  We talked about consistency and not getting complacent as our marriage grows. Today Nancy and I will share about applying that scale to our marriage. 

Kim: Nancy, on that one to ten scale, how would you rate our marriage over the years? 

Nancy: I think when we were first married, it was a 1½! I was just unhappy. I had moved away from my family. I left all my sorority friends and college friends and transferred to a new school where I knew no one. Then in the seventh year of our marriage, I thought we were supposed to get a divorce. That was a really bad season. It wasn’t anything you had done, it was just me being basically an unhappy person. 

Kim: Do you feel like at the time you blamed me for that? 

Nancy: I think I blamed you passive-aggressively for living here. I just wanted to be back with my family and friends. It would make me crazy that you’d act like this was such a great city. I agree with you now that it is, but back then I was like, “what is he talking about?” It would make me angry. I was immature. I think our story is unique because we made it. It seems that for most couples, when they’re newlyweds, the wife is just starry-eyed in love with her husband and if she isn’t, they often end up divorced. 

Kim: I agree. We were so immature and so young, but we did make it. I think God had a lot to do with that. There were a lot of rough things we went through. We would not have made it without Him. 

Nancy: A lot of marriage is just gutting it out and for us, committing that we were going to make it through the hard times. So we used the good times as a bolster. Today, I would say we’re a 9½ on the scale. I feel so secure in our love for each other - the selfless kind of love. Our love is to the point that if something happened to you I don’t think there’s any way I could remarry. In the past, I thought I might, but now, I just can’t see that. That’s how deep it is. 

Kim: I agree and feel the same way. Since we’re talking about this stage of marriage, I think that we are very comfortable and safe with each other. I always want to make sure though that people know that we haven’t always been here. Sometimes people who have just met us look at us and think, “Their whole marriage has been that way,” but it hasn’t. 

Nancy: No. And we have a lot of friends that are where we are. They have gone through tough times and are now in a great season of marriage. Yet, there are also those out there who have been married 30, 40, 50 years or more and can’t stand each other. I think that’s so sad! 

Kim: So if a couple came to us and said they just celebrated their 50th anniversary, like we did, and they didn’t have what we have, and wanted to know our secret, what would you tell them? 

Nancy: At that point, I think they need to go back and look at all the things in their marriage. What has been good? Can they build on that? Christian counseling can definitely help. It’s not good to stay miserable in your marriage. There are always answers. God can do it, but you both have to really be in prayer and seeking it. 

Kim: And people need to know that it’s never too late. If people want it, they can still have it.

Nancy: I don’t think God was there at your wedding expecting that you’d live life miserably. He doesn't want divorce, He wants you to look to Him and His principles and His love for yourself and for your mate. 

Kim: Right. It’s so important to embrace all God has for you and for your marriage. No matter how long or short a time you have been married, don’t give up on having that. 

Nancy: That’s right. Too many people have given up, which is sad. 

Kim: I remember when we were a lot younger and we’d go out to dinner and see an older couple, and you could just tell whether they were connected or not. I remember one couple we saw holding hands under the table. They were probably in their 80s. You could just see the love and respect they had for each other. If the two of you want that, I believe you can have it. Begin that journey today together with God as your guide and take your marriage from wherever it is today to exactly where God designed it to be.