God Moved Mountains To Restore My Broken Marriage
“There’s a reason it didn’t work out the first time.” I heard that daily when people in my circle found out Micah and I were going to counseling after finalizing our divorce. Divorce has become so normal in our society that even friends and family members have started pushing couples toward it. We do not like something; we find something new. We aren’t happy in our marriage; we decide we deserve to not be bound to it.
Even in the church, I have seen leaders make light of ending the covenant with God between two people. Twenty-four-year-old Tiffany was no different. I convinced myself that divorce was definitely the answer. “I gave it my best shot,” “he didn’t make me happy,” “we couldn’t make it work,” “we are better apart.” Oh, and the kicker: “I never really loved him.”
To be fair, I had repeatedly and insistently voiced that I wasn’t happy and we needed to fix it. I really did try to hand it over to God and allow Him to work it out. But the truth is, sometimes, once we have exhausted all attempts with little to nothing in return, we wash our hands and never look back. At least that is what I tried to do. I filed for divorce. I mourned the breaking of the marriage. I poured everything I had into being the best mother I could be to our daughter. I decided my friends were right - I did deserve to be happy.
Months and years went by, and there wasn’t a day that I didn’t feel the spirit of the Lord push me back in the direction of my marriage. Even on really nasty days, with name calling and arguing over who got which holidays and summer breaks for our precious baby girl, I felt God say, “your marriage is worth saving.” I quickly pushed that away, boxed it up, and kept it moving. No way, no how was I going to be the girl who divorced her husband and then went back to him.
Two years went by and I looked in the mirror one morning and realized I was no happier in that moment than when I was in a failing marriage. Divorce didn’t solve any of my problems, because my problems were never truly with Micah. My problems stemmed from the selfishness I had allowed to take root and convince me that if my marriage wasn’t comfortable then it must not be the right one. My entitlement insisted that relationships shouldn’t be hard, and happiness should be my top priority.
I threw my hands up and said, “Ok, God. I’ve tried my way and I’ll do whatever you say. I’ll go wherever you go.” Moments after literally yelling this out into my empty house, Oklahoma came to my mind. “I’ll move to Oklahoma.” It sounded scary, ridiculous and completely insane, but I had the most incredible peace that it was absolutely the right decision. I hadn’t talked to Micah, who at the time was living in an extended stay hotel in Oklahoma. At this point, I was in Louisiana and we were still very much divorced, but I believed that if God had something for me there, then that is exactly where I needed to be. (Oh, and here is a little lagniappe: The next day, I called my dad to tell him about my decision to move. I didn’t know how he would feel about me moving further from family to be closer to the man I divorced. He said, “Tiffany, last night I dreamed I was supposed to tell you it’s okay to go where Micah is.” Chills.)
I packed my bags, rented a house, got a new job, and started a new life in Oklahoma. We were cordial and continued to co-parent, but there wasn’t much in the way of rebuilding a relationship. A few months went by. I got a text from Micah saying he had contacted his church and found a counselor if I would be willing to go. Months of counseling, hours upon hours of prayer, and completely humbling myself led to my second marriage - to the same man - and a quirky little ceremony in front of an airstream.
It took a daily decision to pursue the burden God placed on my heart rather than listen to the anthems of the world sung by those I love most. Some people thought what we were doing was admirable. Others still don’t speak to me. There were days I was sure we didn’t have what it took to rekindle our love. Then there are days like today when I see him prioritize our family going to church together, and I couldn’t be more proud that he is mine.
I see people cringe a little when he jokes about liking me better than his first wife. I see the judgement from people who can’t fathom why we would be proud of a story like ours. No one prays to be divorced, but I pray every day God uses ours to keep another one from happening. I can firmly say I have never seen God move an actual mountain, but I have seen His hand orchestrate situations that only He could lay out. I have seen Him bring complete strangers up to me to share their struggles in their marriage, not knowing that I had just walked through the very same type of brokenness in my own.
I don’t want you to go through a divorce and a second marriage to realize that marriage was never intended to make you “happy.” Marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for us. A love that decides daily to lay down our lives for another. A love that chooses hope, love, forgiveness, and grace even when our flesh feels really uncomfortable and our friends tell us we deserve better.
Love is an action word, and there is no greater act of love in your marriage than fighting for one another. So, whatever you are holding on to today that makes you feel like your marriage is too far gone, or your spouse is just no longer the one, let it go. Go to counseling. Do the hard thing. Then, sit back and watch the God who loves you (and your marriage) move mountains to heal, restore, and redeem. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll look back three years from now and thank God for every single fire the two of you got to walk through to come out of together.
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Written By Tiffany Miller, Awesome Marriage Care Coordinator