4 Things Wives Can Stop Doing - Yesterday

Stop putting pressure on yourself to wife in ways your husband hasn’t asked you to. I don’t know any wife that doesn’t feel stretched thin. Most of us have a lot of responsibilities. Too often though, we put unnecessary pressure and responsibilities on ourselves. We imagine what a good wife is and strive to be that, all without ever asking our husband what he wants. 

Ask yourself: What things have I put on my plate that I think I have to do in order to be a good wife/teammate/roommate etc. to my husband? Take an inventory of that list and talk to your husband about it. Is it possible you are putting any unnecessary pressure on yourself? 

For the first 5 years of marriage I thought making a home-cooked meal 5 times a week was a must. I thought I had to try a new recipe at least every other week and that there needed to be variety in my meal planning. I thought there needed to be sides and a bread with every dinner. I don’t like to cook so this was a HUGE drain and a pain for me. 

One night I was complaining about the annoying task of dinner planning, prepping, and cooking, when Dylan asked, “Well then why do you do it?” I replied, “I have to.” I was doing all of this to try and be the kind of wife I thought he would want me to be. Come to find out he didn’t care much about dinner at all. So why was I stressing myself out with this annoying task when there were much simpler ways to handle dinner? 

Do yourself a favor and take off any hats that your husband hasn’t asked you to wear when it comes to being a wife. 

Stop refusing sex because you have a headache. I get it! I get headaches all the time. I should probably get that checked out. What’s with women and ongoing, recurring headaches? It’s a nuisance many women live with. But I’m going to go way out on a limb here and say I think “Sorry, I have a headache” is the devil's idea. He is a scheming liar and he doesn’t want you to connect with your husband. Because hear me: do you know what can cure a headache?! 

SISTER, an orgasm can absolutely cure your headache! I’m not saying it’s going to work 100% of the time, but be careful not to use headache as your way out of sex when it could very well be your way out of a headache and into connection with your man. The endorphins released when we have sex are literal God-given magic. Take that magic to the bedroom and say goodbye to your headache. 

Stop being mad because you think you should be mad. Have you ever willed yourself to be angry at your husband because you thought it was the appropriate response? Even if you didn’t feel angry to begin with? Or am I just the only crazy one out there? It’s possible I am…

But maybe you know what I’m talking about. Maybe you’ve gotten mad at your husband because you knew your girlfriend in that same situation would be mad. Or you knew your Mom would have been mad at your Dad if he did that. Maybe you followed the angry, fighting script because you’ve seen it played out before. Maybe you chose to get angry because you wanted to “win” or to have something to hold over him. Or to make yourself feel better for a recent sin you committed against him. 

Recently, Dylan didn’t flat out lie to me but he did sort of make-believe something that wasn’t true. I asked him to kill a cockroach in our bathroom then I left the room. He was in the middle of something important but bugs scare me so he quickly got up to come to my rescue. I heard a smack, and a toilet flush and assumed the problem was taken care of, only to see that same cockroach crawling across the hallway a few moments later. 

It would have been easy for me to get upset with Dylan. There is no room for deception or lies in our marriage! He flushed that toilet to deceive me! 

But ALSO I could see how he was trying to love me in his actions. The cockroach got away from him and he couldn’t find it. I was about to go to bed and he knew there was no way I would fall asleep knowing that cockroach was still creeping around our home. So he flushed the toilet and didn’t say a word. 

It’s a silly example but five years ago I would have been upset at his half-lie for days. (25-year-old Christina was pretty pious and equally terrified of bugs as 30-year-old Christina). Instead of getting mad this time I laughed it off and crushed that cockroach myself. (I wasn’t about to let it get away again). 

It’s okay to not be upset about something other people get upset for. We are all very different and that’s okay. 

It’s also okay to just let things go sometimes. I’m not talking about ignoring big problems or recurring issues that you secretly resent in your heart. I am saying sometimes you can let an offense go with grace and no mention at all. 

Stop reading romantic novels and watching romantic shows. Okay, this one has a big IF in it. Stop reading romantic novels and watching romantic shows IF you can’t separate fiction from reality. If you find yourself mad at your husband every time you finish a new novel or cheesy love episode, maybe you’re comparing your husband to a fictional character in a completely made up relationship. 

I struggled with this one for a while. I finally realized the reason most of these leading men seem to understand women so much better than my man did, was that most of them are written by women. So of course they respond the way I wish he would! Let both of you off the hook from these unrealistic and unfair expectations. Comparing your husband and your marriage to these unrealistic fictional relationships just isn’t fair.

There are my four pleas to the wives out there. This isn’t meant to beat up on wives. I’m right there with you, sisters! I’m guilty of all these and then some. I simply wanted to share four things that have been on my heart lately for couples. 

Can you relate to any of these? Is there anything else you need to stop doing in your marriage? Anything else you see in other marriages that you want to urge wives to stop? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!