One of the main concerns that I hear from singles is the frustration that comes with finding a mate. One of the main questions that I hear from singles is, “Where do I find a mate?” There are a lot of so-called answers in our world. There are dating services, match making web sites, singles bars, singles groups, and on and on. Each can promise success. Each has examples of couples that have found the love of their life. Yet realistically, finding the right mate has a lot more with you getting yourself ready for a relationship than finding the best place to meet someone.

What does it mean to "get yourself ready" for a relationship? Let's start with a series of questions to consider.

What has happened in your past relationships? Think this through. What was good and what was not good? How did they progress - too fast or too slow?

What could you have done different in those relationships? Who put in the most effort to make the relationship work? Was the relationship healthy or unhealthy? What made it healthy or unhealthy?

Take time to think through these questions and then write out your answers. Now you have a place to start.

Choose things that you can work on that will prepare you for the next relationship. Through this process you will have a greater chance of making the next relationshipbetter than the last. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself.

Dr. Kim

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Finding a Mate: Day 1