"Distractions" by Dr. Kim

In counseling, I often hear this from couples.  Our first years were really good and then it seemed we just began to drift apart.  Drifting apart can happen in any marriage.  I think it usually begins with distractions.

Distractions are anything that takes our focus off of our marriages.  There are good distractions and there are bad distractions.  The problems come when the distractions cause our marriage to get out of balance.  Let me give you an example.  Children.  Children are a blessing and the desire of most married couples.  Children are also a distraction.  Children take time and energy and money.  Raising children is a huge responsibility and consumes years of our lives.  None of this is bad UNLESS it hurts our marriage.  All to often when children are born the focus shifts totally to them and off of the marriage.  There has to be balance.  Sure lives and marriages change when children come into the family but if you do not continue to nurture your marriage you will find yourselves drifting further and further apart and eventually the kids grow up and leave.  If you have not nurtured your marriage, you may look at each other when the kids are gone and say, “Who are you?”  Building an ‘awesome marriage’ is often about balancing the distractions of our lives.  If we do this well, we move our marriage forward.  If we do not do it well, our marriages can crash and burn.  Be aware of the distractions in your marriage and learn together to balance them well.

Dr. Kim