10 Qualities of A Successful Marriage

Growing up surrounded by divorced family members, I knew I wanted to beat the odds. Not having seen a healthy marriage up close, I had a lot to learn. Creating a successful marriage takes putting God first, intention and some specific qualities. 

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Here are 10 qualities that I believe lead to a successful marriage: 

1. Forgiveness

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” — C. S. Lewis 

We have to forgive our spouse for our marriage to thrive. Forgiveness provides freedom from anger, bitterness, and a hard heart. Forgiveness is a process and a choice. In some cases, it takes a moment to forgive your spouse. In others, it may take years to heal and forgive. 

2. Moving towards Jesus.

We always have to be moving towards Jesus. I am a busy mom. I work from home part-time, homeschool my kids, try to keep the house clean etc, and I truly believe that when you put Jesus first you can be filled up, so that you can pour from a full cup. I notice a difference in my attitude when I am intentional to spend time with Jesus. I am more joyful. I do not snap as easily. I am probably more enjoyable to be around. Jesus is the living water. When we spend time with him, we will not be thirsty. 

3. Friendship &  fun 

We all want to do fun things with our friends, so why do we not put the time into having fun with our spouse? After all, at some point, they were our best friend (and hopefully still are) or else we would not have married them. Find something that both of you like to do together! If you cannot find anything in common take turns with a hobby that one of you likes. 

4. Trust 

I heard that, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair” - Dhar Mann

It is important for our spouse to be able to trust us. Make sure you are being honest with the little things so that there is no way you will justify dishonesty in the big things. 

5. Communication

This one can be tricky because we all communicate and receive things differently. I tend to over communicate things to my husband, which can lead him to not communicating at all. There was a time that I was bothered by something that my husband did. Instead of going straight to him to communicate it, I spent the day in and out of prayer. I asked God to help me. I asked Him to show me if I was overreacting, when and if I should communicate this to my husband, and for God to give me the right words/tone in how to say it so that He would receive it well. I suggest going to God before you communicate it to your spouse  if something is bothering you in your marriage.

6. Moving towards each other

We have to pursue our spouse. We have to make them a priority. Dr. Kim always says, “God first, spouse second.” My husband’s love language is physical touch. I grew up where there was not a lot of love given through physical touch, so this is something that I have to be aware of and be intentional about. In order to move towards your spouse you have to know your spouse. Be a student of your spouse. 

7. Intimacy, sex and non-sexual touching

You have heard many times here at Awesome Marriage that non-sexual touching is just as important as sex. You should give your spouse a hug with no other expectations. The more non-sexual touching you have with no other expectations, the more your intimacy will grow (which can also improve your sex life). 

8. Be steadfast through difficult seasons 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:2-4  

Life is truly full of surprises. Difficult seasons will come to each of us. You might be in one right now. Having the mindset of “this soon shall pass” can help you be steadfast through difficult seasons. Instead of looking at the problem, cry out to Jesus. He can handle our honesty. Change your mindset to focus on something that is going well that season. Also, remember that usually during a difficult season our relationship with God grows so much deeper. When we get out of the hard season and we look back, we can see that. 

9. Move away from the enemy.

The enemy hates marriage. He wants your marriage to fail. He will feed us lies and make us  think our spouse is the enemy. We have to be aware of his schemes so that we can move against him. When we put on the full armor of God, we can stand firm in the fight and overcome. 

10. Moving against complacency

Even if it feels like we are in a good place, there is no coasting in marriage. For our marriage to thrive, we can’t stop putting in the time and effort to make it successful. Put the effort in now, so when your marriage goes through a challenging season you already have the foundation to help you get through it. 

Movement isn’t always visible. It requires discipline, even in seasons of shelter in place, quarantine, confinement, financial hardship, relational hardship, or physical distance. But there is always a way to move toward a more successful marriage.

How would you rate each of the qualities above from 1-10, with 10 being the best?

Challenge: Which qualities did you rate the lowest? Pick one quality to focus on to make it stronger. And check out our weekly Marriage Multiplier email for tips to keep working together to build a successful marriage!

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Written by Megan Peverall, Awesome Marriage’s Social Media Director. Megan lives on the coast of NC with her husband Britt and their children. Megan loves going to the beach and being creative.