Nancy and I could fill a notebook with the list of things we have done wrong over the years of our marriage. Fortunately, we have done some things right too. One that we feel has made a difference is setting aside time each day to check in with each other. There were years when it was harder to find that time but almost without exception we found it. Some days it was five minutes and some days thirty or more. For us, connection time each day was a highlight. It was, and is, something we both look forward to. Our pattern before kids was to spend that time right after I got home from work.
Someone told me a long time ago that the way a couple spends the first ten minutes in the evenings together determines how the evening goes. I took that to heart. Did that mean that we never had arguments later in the evenings? Not necessarily. But I think they were fewer and less intense because of the way we spent our first ten minutes. When our kids were little, it took more effort and often a little sacrifice. I made it a priority to find Nancy as soon as I got home. Sometimes I was walking with a kid on each leg or one in my arms and the other hanging on. I navigated around toys, dogs, etc., but I found her and kissed her and asked how her day was. Our connection time during those years came after the kids were asleep.
Someone wanted to know if we were tired during those years too. The answer is yes, but we realized how important connection was for us. We looked at it this way. We could be rested and disconnected or tired and connected. We chose tired. Looking back that was a really good choice.
What about your marriage? Are you taking time each day to really connect? If so, keep it up! If not, why not start having that time together today?