Insights from Dr. Kim: Waiting for What?

“If you wait for your spouse to change first, you will run out of life. But if you change, maybe he or she will, too. It is worth taking the risk.” Dr. Kim, 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage

I hear it all the time. “If she would just stop ___________.”  “If he would not do that.” “Why should I change? It won’t make any difference anyway.”

I know that if I make a change my life will be better, so why don’t I do it? That is the question that I do not have the answer for. Sometimes I know I need to make a change and do it without a problem but there are other times that I dig in and would not even think about making a change. Some of those decisions affect me and no one else. Others not only affect me, but the ripple effect of them can affect a lot of people - including those that I love the most.

So why? Why don’t I change when I know the change is best for me? I think it’s that I lose perspective of the big picture and I get stuck in the moment. I fall back into the win/lose mode in my marriage that I thought I left behind years ago. I fall into the trap of thinking that Nancy needs to change something and until she does, why do I need to change? Finally, there are times that I just don’t want to put in the effort to change.

If you cannot relate to any of the above, great. You can stop reading this and call it a day. If, however, this is you too, read on because I want to share what God taught me about this whole change thing. If I never changed from the day I was born until the day that I die, what would that be all about? Life is about change - especially the changes God wants to make in me as He molds me into the man he designed me to be. Just because God is behind the change does not make it any easier, but there is something I can count on with God. The change will be good for me, good for Nancy and good for our marriage. So when I am digging in and waiting for Nancy to change, I need to bring God into the picture and see what He wants me to do. For me that changes everything. It gets my focus off of the battle and onto the war. It’s the war that the enemy uses to keep me stuck instead of becoming who God wants me to be.  With God’s help, I’m not losing that war.

Try this: The next time you are waiting for your spouse to change, invite God in to do some work on you. It will make a huge difference and you will be the better for it!

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