So, Just What Is Intimacy?
This week in the Dispatch:
Quick Hits: Can you ID these movie quotes?
Real ways to “enhance your performance” in Books
Part 2 of “Growing Your Marriage” in this week's YV plan!
“Defining Your Real Marriage Problem” on the AM Podcast
“Intimacy” defined in Insights
Challenges to grow the intimacy in your marriage!
A Next Step to being more intentional!
This Week’s Quick Hits:
Here are five famous movie quotes. Can you name what movie each one is from and the year it was released? Give yourself one point for the movie and one point for the year. Points double for the “Bonus Challenge.” Perfect score is 14!
“My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.”
"They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"
“Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
“Here's Johnny!”
“I'm the king of the world!”
Bonus Challenge: “It's alive! It's alive!”
*Answers after “Next Steps”
Books:
Peak Performance by Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness
I really liked this book and I think it is very unique. Why? Because it combines true, inspiring stories from athletics, intelligence, and arts with the latest scientific insights into the cognitive and neurochemical factors that drive performance in all domains. I think you will find new ways to enhance your performance while taking “your game,” whatever that is, to the next level.
YouVersion Plan:
Growing Your Marriage - Part 2 by Dr. Kim
Since last week’s plan was Growing Your Marriage Part 1, it only makes sense that we look at Part 2 this week. In this 4 part plan, I give you some real practical things you can begin today to help you grow and deepen your marriage. Also, if you do these plans, I would love your feedback and to hear how they are helping your marriage. Just email me at drkim@awesomemarriage.com.
Podcasts:
Awesome Marriage Podcast: Defining Your Real Marriage Problem - Episode 459
At one time or another we all experience conflict in our marriage. When we do it is so important to know and define what that conflict is about. We often end up just dealing with the symptoms of our conflict and never really get to the root of it to solve it. When we do that, we just keep repeating the same conflict over and over again. Join Christina and I as we tackle this important issue.
Insights:
Often when I talk with couples they use the words “intimacy” and “sex” interchangeably. In the past as a counselor, I have done the same thing. The problem is that “intimacy” and “sex” are not the same thing. I needed to know how to communicate that distinction clearly if I was to expect couples to understand the differences. Intimacy can certainly lead to sex but it can stand on its own as something that draws a couple closer together. Communication can be intimate. Praying together can be intimate. Experiencing something special between the two of you can be intimate. Treating each other gently can be intimate. Marriage is the relationship designed to give people the opportunity to be as close as two people can be. Over the course of a marriage intimacy is designed to build and grow. A couple’s care for each other grows and they grow increasingly closer to each other.
In our marriage, it took us a while to figure this out. At 22, I was focused on perfecting our sex life and had no idea that things like good communication and quality time played a part. Sex without intimacy is just that - sex. Sex with intimacy is different. It’s that connection at the deepest level of our souls. It’s the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual all coming together in the sex act. For any two people, fireworks can go off in the sex act. When there is intimacy, it’s like the two of you are surrounded by the fireworks and they ignite your souls in a way that words cannot describe.
I think Nancy and I just stumbled into the value of intimacy in our marriage. We began to put the pieces together. The more we put each other first right behind God, the better our marriage and our connection to each other got better and better. On the other hand, it seemed that we could take big steps backwards when our connection was struggling or missing. This thing we stumbled into could be fleeting and if we wanted intimacy to be a daily part of our marriage, it was going to take a lot more than a stumble to make it happen.
The first time I heard someone refer to being intentional in your marriage, it got my attention. It was like discovering the secret code of a video game. It was the answer I was looking for without knowing I was looking for it. Being intentional was doing something on purpose. Being intentional in my marriage was me doing what I was supposed to do as a husband on purpose every single day. I had a game plan. Now the question was whether I would execute it or not.
Challenge:
For your marriage, how would you define intimacy?
How would you rate the intimacy in your marriage today on a 1 to 10 scale with 10 being outstanding? What would take it up one point?
Next Step:
Talk about what being intentional in your marriage looks like to each of you. What could you be more intentional about that will grow your marriage? Now, together commit to be intentional with that in your marriage moving forward.
Trivia Answers:
Forrest Gump, 1994
Braveheart, 1995
The Pride of the Yankees, 1942
The Shining, 1980
Titanic, 1997
Bonus Challenge: Frankenstein, 1931
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