Four things that do not belong in our marriage formula
This week in the Dispatch:
Trivia Questions in Quick Hits!
“The Snowball” in books
The Awesome Marriage Podcast is back from break
4 more traffic signs in this week’s YouVersion Plan
Four things that do not belong in our Marriage Formula
Two Challenges and a Next Step?
This Week’s Quick Hits:
Here are some interesting trivia questions for you. The answers are at the bottom of the page.
Only one letter in our entire alphabet does not appear in any state name. What is it?
Why is Chicago nicknamed the “Windy City”?
An octopus lays 56,000 eggs at a time. How big are the babies when born?
What was the original use for Kleenex tissues?
Book:
The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life by Alice Schroeder
Warren Buffett is a private man, but in The Snowball he allows author Alice Schroeder access to all things behind the curtain including his work, opinions, struggles, triumphs, follies, quirks, and wisdom. The book is so well written and for a biography, it’s a real page turner! You certainly do not have to be interested in business to enjoy this book as we get a detailed glimpse inside Buffett’s world.
YouVersion Plan:
Traffic Signs and Your Marriage - Part 2
This four-day plan is the follow-up to the “Traffic Signs” reading plan I recommended last month. In this plan we look at the Slow, Buckle Up, Curve, and Dead End signs and how they apply to your marriage relationship!
Podcasts:
The Awesome Marriage Podcast ends our Winter Break with a brand new podcast next Tuesday, January 19th. Christina and I will be talking about “prickliness,” how it affects our marriage, and some ways to work through and overcome prickly behavior in “Breathe: Don’t Be Prickly.”
In this month’s A Better Man Podcast, Colby and I look at what it means for us as men when we settle for contentment.
Insights
The Marriage Formula - Part 2
Last week I asked if you think there could be a marriage formula that solves all your marriage problems. Then I told you that I have that formula. It’s designed to help your marriage get better every single day. I shared the first two parts of the formula: kindness and patience. This week let’s look at four things that do not belong in our marriage formula. In fact, any of these four can wreck a marriage.
The first is envy. Envy puts up a wall in any relationship. If I am resentful of someone else’s possessions, qualities, or accomplishments, it affects that relationship. Playing the comparison game is dangerous, and I can play it with the best of them. I may look at someone who has more likes than I do on social media and become discontent with the following I have. Someone else may be asked to speak at an event where I really wanted to speak, and again I am discontent. My neighbor drives by in his new car, which happens to be my dream car, and I am suddenly discontent with my car, even though it is a really good car.
In my marriage, I do not think envy has ever been an issue between Nancy and me, but if I am envious of someone or something else, it can bleed all over my marriage relationship. My discontentment follows me home and then I can begin playing the comparison game in my marriage - focusing on what we do not have instead of being grateful for all we do have. The downward spiral can come quickly. Envy is dangerous. It can consume people and when that happens, it will affect their marriage. Envy is not a part of our marriage formula.
Boasting and pride seem to go hand in hand. Both are destructive. Look at it this way: Marriage is a relationship between a man and a woman, not a game to see who is best or who can outdo the other. Each spouse has a God-given role in the marriage. Neither is more important than the other. Each is essential. It is like a symbiotic relationship - two people living side by side, each indispensable to the wellbeing of the other. It is not a competition. There is no room for boasting or pride in our marriage formula.
What about anger? Does it belong in our marriage formula? When you got married did you think that you would never get angry at your new spouse? If you did, how long did that last? You see, most of us do not like anger. It can be very frightening and cause walls in a marriage because many of us have never seen anger handled in a healthy way.
The Bible talks about anger and says something like this, “in your anger, do not sin.” What does that even mean? Does it mean anger is okay sometimes? How do I “not sin” when my spouse does something that angers me? Please read this carefully. I don’t want you to think I am saying something that I am not: Anger is not wrong. It is how we handle our anger that becomes right or wrong. Example: If I am angry at Nancy and I scream at her or throw something, I have not handled my anger in a right way. But if I tell her what I am angry about and ask her to talk it through with me so it can be resolved, then I have handled it well and our marriage continues to grow. That’s anger without sin! How do you handle anger in your life in general? What about in your marriage? Anger handled badly has no place in our marriage formula.
There they are. Four things that are not in our marriage formula. Four things that can slip so easily into our marriages, yet if not dealt with, will take us far away from the marriage God designed for us. Here are some ways to deal with them:
Envy: Develop an attitude of gratitude. Make a list of all you have to be thankful for. Read it and add to it every day. Thank God daily for your blessings. Focus on what you have rather than what you do not have.
Boasting and pride: For me, these are heart issues that I need to let God change. Ask Him today to convict you of any pride in your life, and listen to His answer. Boasting and pride have no place in my life and certainly not in my marriage.
Anger: Are you ready to give your anger to God and to let Him guide you to bring it under control? Remember, anger is a choice. Often, we get angry so quickly that we forget we did make the choice to get angry. Dealing with your anger in healthy ways will be good for you, and goof for your marriage.
Challenge:
When do you battle with envy in your life? Does it affect your marriage? Will you make a gratitude list? Maybe make one for yourself and one together with your spouse.
Pray for God to reveal areas of pride in your life. When He does, seek His healing.
Next Step:
For the next week, write down every time you get angry and from your perspective, the reason why. At the end of the week, look at your list. What do you see? What is your next step in controlling your anger?
Trivia Answers:
You’ll find a Z (Arizona), a J (New Jersey), and even two X’s (New Mexico and Texas)—but not a single Q.
Chicago’s nickname was coined by 19th-century journalists who were referring to the fact that its residents were “windbags” and “full of hot air.”
The mother octopus spends six months so devoted to protecting the eggs that she doesn’t eat. The babies are the size of a grain of rice when they’re born.
When there was a cotton shortage during World War I, Kimberly-Clark developed a thin, flat cotton substitute that the army tried to use as a filter in gas masks. The war ended before scientists perfected the material for gas masks, so the company redeveloped it to be smoother and softer, then marketed Kleenex as facial tissue instead.
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