In culture, there seem to be at least a couple of ways to categorize porn. In general, culture seems to sort it into the “okay” column: “I’m just looking,” “It doesn’t hurt anyone,” “No one knows.” The message from media is that all guys watch it, some girls watch it and everyone laughs about it. No harm. No foul.
And then I sit in the counseling room with a woman whose husband is looking at porn and I see the hurt in her expression and the shame in his. No one is laughing. She wonders why he is so attracted to other women. She asks, “Why am I not enough?” For every guy it starts with a “click.” It seems so harmless at first but one click usually leads to another and more. Now a man who vowed always to be faithful to his wife has broken that vow.
Most wives have a hard time getting their mind around the fact that his looking at porn is more about his own issues than about not being attracted to her. Even though it is the truth, it just does not make sense to her. Why take the risk of going there in the first place? I think the pros far outweigh a few moments of staged excitement. If you avoid porn, your spouse never has to ask that question. You don’t have to deal with the possibility of addiction. You can invest that time and energy in your wife, your marriage, and your sex life together. Does it make sense to do anything other than completely avoid porn?