"Why We Often Miss the Mark" by Brian Crosson
I am excited for you to meet Brian Crosson. Brian is a follower of Christ and single father of 3 from Oklahoma City. He has a Bachelors degree in Psychology from Oklahoma State University and is currently working on his Masters degree in Human Services specializing in Marriage and Family therapy through Liberty University Online. He has recently created and is slowly building his singles ministry Persistently Patient as he uses his experiences in marriage and the single season to encourage others. Feel free to visit his Facebook page (link https://www.facebook.com/PersistentlyPatient) or follow his twitter account (@PersPatient) in order to join the conversation.
Dr. Kim
Society tells us that we can have whatever we want, whenever we want it. That if we don’t want to wait, we don’t have to. Whether it’s the brand new car or the brand new girlfriend, when we want something we simply go and get it. Fortunately for us, this isn’t the way that things were intended. We were created to live in relationship with the Lord, and in this we should be living according to His will not ours. We are meant to be living though His wisdom, according to His ways.
But let’s be honest; we are bent towards sin. From the moment that Adam and Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit we have been cursed. No matter how hard we try, we will always fall short of His righteousness. But as followers of Christ we have hope, it is our relationship with Him, and Him alone that makes us righteous. We don’t have to be righteous because He is righteous for us.
So what does all of this have to do with relationships, and waiting on the Lord?
As Christians we believe that God does good for those who love Him. So of course, as Christian singles we believe that if we love Him enough he will bring us our spouse. Whether this is true or not is beside the point. The point is that when we walk around with this frame of mind, we try to tell ourselves that every person we meet may possibly be that person. It’s a very unhealthy state of mind and often times what happens is it causes us to rush into relationships and rush them on to the next level.
As Solomon stated in Proverbs 19:2, “desire without knowledge is not good, and to be overhasty is to sin and miss the mark.”
It is so easy to let our desires dictate our paths, and although that is not necessarily a bad thing, it is a bad thing when we do so without first seeking His wisdom.
So how do we seek His wisdom?
Well the first thing we can do is stay in constant communication with Him. “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
Secondly, we can seek wise counsel. I have no doubt that God has put someone (people) in your life that can speak wisely into your life and your situation. Step out a little, and be intentional about creating these relationships. If you really desire a long lasting, Christ centered marriage you will need wise counsel and accountability even before you start a relationship.
In order for either of these to work, we will need to learn to be fully transparent. We can have a relationship with God, and we can have a relationship with wise people, but if we can’t be open and honest with either of them than we will still miss the mark. What’s even worse is that when we are not honest with others, we become dishonest with ourselves. This clouds our vision and allows us to overlook the things in our relationships that might otherwise keep us from moving forward.
Lastly, we must seek patience. Without patience we will rush our prayers, and rush ourselves into thinking that we have found His answers. We will rush through our conversations and miss out on opportunities to truly open up and be transparent with those around us. We will rush past the red flags that have been laid out before us, and maybe even rush past the better things He had intended for us.
My hope is that we will all slow down, enjoy the life that we currently have, and allow the relationships that He has given us to blossom in His time; according to His plans, not ours.
Brian Crosson