When we talk about romance, men and women usually have different thoughts about the subject. Most women love romance and love to be romanced. Nancy loves it when I cuddle with her, tell her I love her, tell her how beautiful she is, and pray with her. She loves having nice dinners together, walking on the beach together, spending time together, doing fun things together, and talking daily together. Those things help her feel close to me and bring out in her romantic feelings for me. Most of the women I talk to would have similar lists.
For men, romance in some way usually involves sex. I know, that is not news for most of you! Here is my take on romance with Nancy. I love to do all the things she thinks are romantic. I like to do them when she’s expecting them and when she’s not expecting them. I love to see the look on her face when we are really connected. I love it when she wants to hold my hand or cuddle or sit close to me. I love it that she wears things I like and that she still wears the same perfume she wore when we were dating. I love it when she sends me “love texts” during the day and that we frequently have deep talks. She expresses her love for me in many amazing ways. Yet nothing draws me closer to her than our sexual relationship. Honestly, I really think that was God’s design when He created sex. Our culture says that all men think about is sex. For a man in a Christian marriage, however, sex is so much more than thoughts or actions. Knowing that my wife trusts me in sex and is drawn to me in sex and that I can give her pleasure brings me a level of closeness, intimacy, and romance that is so experiential that I cannot really express it in words. It is truly a gift from God.
When you think about romance in marriage, the absolute best happens when the romance for a wife and the romance for her husband come together and both are greatly valued.