Sex, Marriage, and Baggage

Every one of us goes into marriage with the hope of having a great sex life. Most of us do not expect “rockets” to go off every night—but we’d like it to happen at least every now and then. Yet no matter how much we want great sex in marriage, there are things that often hinder it. The reality is that very few of us come into marriage with a healthy, unscarred attitude about sex. We all bring in sexual baggage, and it seems to come from a variety of sources. Think about all the ways you have been influenced sexually by our culture, including movies, TV shows, magazines, YouTube videos, other things on the web, and self-proclaimed “experts.” I met one of these “experts” in high school in the locker room after practice. I hung on his every word because he was older and had to know what he was talking about. Later, of course, I found out he did not. The problem is that 99.9 percent of the time those “experts” are way off in what they communicate to us about sex, let alone sex in marriage. We get a lot of misinformation, such as “men and women have the same attitude about sex and the same desires.” That is simply not true, and it’s definitely not the way God created us.

Some of us have experienced sexual contact in our past that has damaged us, which affects the way we experience sex in marriage. We may think it won’t affect us, but this is one of those things that does not just go away. Sexual abuse, pornography, promiscuity, and premarital sex can all have devastating affects on us.

Past sexual history is often difficult for people to talk about. Unsure of how others will react, we tend to hold it inside. This may be a temporary solution, but long term it just won’t work because it does not just go away. It will resurface time and time again and block you from having the sexual relationship God designed for you to have in your marriage. Your first step is to be completely honest with yourself about the your sexual baggage.

Then ask yourself this question: Have I dealt with it? If not, are you ready to take that step now? You may need the help of a Christian counselor or pastor, but commit to do whatever it takes to deal with your sexual baggage. It will literally change your sexual relationship in your marriage and allow you to embrace God’s amazing plan for sex.

Remember this: There is an answer. You can overcome the past. You can “check” your sexual baggage and be free of it forever.