Insights from Dr. Kim: Yes, No, Maybe

Those three words - yes, no, and maybe - used to get me in a lot of situations that I did not want to be in!  

Yes.  I am a people pleaser.  I’m working on the unhealthy part of that but I am a work in progress. Saying “yes” was always my first response when someone asked me to do something. By always saying “yes” I had a lot of regrets later. I committed to things that I really did not want to do. I overloaded my schedule. I often stretched myself far beyond what I was capable of doing well. I have been working on this for a few years. Nancy has seen the fallout of this problem in my life and in our marriage. She helped me see that when I said “yes” to something, I was often saying “no” to her. It was not a verbal “no,” but if I was away from her doing something I said “yes” to, I was not present at home with her.

No. There were probably years that I could count the times I said the word “no”  to someone on one hand. I somehow thought saying “no” was a bad thing. God helped me with this one by leading me to stories about Jesus. Jesus said “no.” He could have healed people 24/7 but He did not. He needed time with His Father and away from the crowds. Who was I to think I could do what Jesus did not? It amazes me sometimes how distorted my thinking can get all in the name of doing what I think I should be doing. I’m saying “no” a lot more. It still does not always feel good to say it but I’m getting there.

Maybe. This one got me in trouble as I navigated between “yes” and “no.” It became my go to.  I was not telling someone “yes” and committing to something I would later regret committing to. I was not saying “yes” and over loading my schedule. I was saying “maybe” and that was just putting off saying “no.” Saying “maybe” when I needed to say “no” was starting to cause me more problems for different reasons than saying too many “yeses.”  

I have a friend that found “no” to be his nemesis. He always said “no” and his life became very self-centered and he found himself making many selfish choices.  

“Yes, no, maybe - Which one do you need to work on? Which one is keeping you from putting God first and your spouse second? Which one needs some work to put balance in your life?  Why not start working on it today? It’s probably the right decision.

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