Dr. Kim’s new book “14 Keys to Lasting Love: How to Have the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted” comes out on January 8, 2019. This book will change your marriage, and it will most certainly change you. Over the next few weeks, Dr. Kim will highlight some of the principles from the book in his weekly “Insights.”
Today many people let social media interfere with life, but it is a choice and they know it is a choice. In my opinion, that is not addictive behavior, though it can still have consequences for a marriage and family. The couple who gets in bed at night only to spend the time they used to spend in conversation on social media will see a disconnect over time.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about social media. We can keep up with friends and their lives. We can find old friends. We can share with people we never would have shared with in the past. At Awesome Marriage, social media is one of the main ways we share and communicate God’s incredible plan for marriage. Balance is the key here. It is knowing when to be on and when to get off. It’s making the right choice each and every time. If the right choice isn’t made, the door is wide open to problems—and for some the very real possibility of addictive behavior.
Nancy and I both spend time on social media but for different reasons. Nancy enjoys the social aspect and keeping up with people. She does a lot more “liking” than sharing but really enjoys looking. Most of my social media centers on Awesome Marriage. I spend very little time on it for myself. No matter the reason, we began to realize that when we were “on,” we were basically “off” everything else. In fact, there were many times one of us was “on” while the other was talking. It was like talking to a wall. Neither of us heard a word the other said. That was not good. What started as a minor issue was growing into a much bigger issue.
What finally got our attention was becoming aware of the fact that each of us got irritated when the other interrupted. We were putting social media over each other. We knew that we needed to make some changes. We agreed to not be on social media for the most part when we were together. That included when we were at home, out driving, on dates, and any other time that we had an opportunity to connect. We also gave each other permission to call the other one out when we slipped back into the old behaviors—which we did. Overall, it has made a difference. Becoming aware of the problem and then taking quick action was a pivotal step forward for us. It put us back in balance.
Where are you with the whole social media conversation? How is it affecting your life? What about your marriage? What do you need to do? What is your first step to getting back in balance?