Insights from Dr. Kim: Heart Change

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What does it mean when someone has a “heart change?” What does that look like? Here’s my take. A heart change is not just making a decision to do something different. It’s not promising to quit a destructive behavior. A heart change is not an act of will. A heart change is not about me doing something, rather, it is about letting God change my heart. It comes with a complete and total submission to Him.

How does that happen? The three-step process is simple.  

  • Step one is simply admitting that we have been selfish and have put our wants  and desires above those of God.

  • Step two is making the commitment to put God first in everything and seeking His help in doing this.

  • Step three is keeping God first every day for the rest of our lives.

Chris and Cindy Beall are good friends and have contributed much to Awesome Marriage through doing podcasts and videos. Their story is one of restoration. In her book Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken, Cindy talks about the early days of Chris confessing his infidelity. To me one of the most powerful parts of the book was when Cindy knew that God wanted her to stay in the marriage, which she did. Why was she able to do this? She clearly saw Jesus in Chris. Something was different and that something was a heart change. Chris chose to put God first and in so doing everything changed - especially his commitment to Cindy.

I see it almost every week in the counseling room. A couple that is struggling big time has a breakthrough. More often than not that breakthrough is one of both of them having a heart change. When we are willing to wave the white flag and admit that our ways are not working, it opens the door for God to come in. Putting Him first daily literally changes everything.  

Where is your heart today? Is God first or way down the list? What is keeping you from letting Him change your heart today? It’s as simple as saying that we have been putting much ahead of Him and that today with His help we will put Him first in everything. Your life and your marriage will never be the same!

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