I’ve observed that most couples who come to me for counseling rarely discuss sex with each other—they never tell each other what they like or do not like; they don’t talk about being adventurous together in their sexual relationship. So, for many, their sex life becomes routine, which is very far from God’s design for sex. So here are some of my suggestions to improve your sexual intimacy.
First, it is important for both of you to take the initiative sexually. In most marriages the husband is the primary initiator—for a lot of reasons—but it is really good for the wife to initiate sex some of the time. It gives her the opportunity to add her own creativity to the sexual relationship. Ladies, it also helps meet your husband’s need to know that you desire the sexual relationship with him. (And guys, remember you need to give her this opportunity.)
Second, you both need to take care of your appearance. Think back to your dating days and how you would prepare yourself before a date. Bring that same passion into your marriage today. Be conscious of what you wear and how you look.
Third, take time to enjoy the sexual experience. It is easy to get into ruts, so keep it from being routine. Set aside time when you are not rushed and can relax and enjoy each other. Be creative.
Fourth, pay attention to the atmosphere where you make love. Take time for candles, baths together, music, soft lights, fireplaces, and massages. In other words, put in the effort to make each other feel comfortable and special. Work together on the quality of your time together.
Finally, verbally express your desire to each other. Say, “I love you”; “I’m crazy about you.” Talk about what you are thinking and feeling. It adds to the excitement and helps you know more about what you are both experiencing.
Improving the sexual intimacy in your marriage is not difficult. It just takes commitment from both of you to make this a priority. What do you have to lose?