COVID-19 and Your Marriage: CONNECT
In my book 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage, the third secret is CONNECT. Over the last two weeks we talked about the first secret, STOP the insanity, and the second, START pursuing God together. CONNECT is the art of listening and being present.
During this COVID-19 pandemic, I think that we all see that just being together does not connect us. In fact, being at home together can even hyper focus us on the fact that we are not as connected as we want to be. So what do we do? How do we use this time to practice connecting with each other in ways that will last long past this pandemic? For many of us there is a temptation to coexisting instead of connecting. We are usually busy and there are so many things to distract us. Plus, connecting takes effort and there are times that we honestly do not want to put in the effort. Today many of those constraints to connecting are gone. We have the time. Will we put in the effort?
How does your spouse view you? Do they see you as someone they feel safe and secure with? The way your spouse views you will relate directly to their ability to connect with you. Here are some things to focus on. Do you accept your spouse’s thoughts, feelings and actions? Are you letting them become who God created them to be? Our tendency can be to try and mold them into who we want them to be. Never forget that God’s plan for your spouse is much, much better than yours and that God will not do anything in your spouse that is not ultimately good for them, you, and your marriage.
Second, authenticity. Does your spouse see you as a person of integrity and honesty, with a desire to honor God with your life? Some of us may get stuck here because we have blown this in the past. I certainly have, but today is a new day. I can ask Nancy’s forgiveness for the past and commit, with God’s help, to pursuing an authentic life each day forward. Finally, empathy. Can you put yourself in your spouse's shoes and take the time to see things from their perspective - especially when that perspective is different from yours? This alone will connect the two of you.
Those are my thoughts on connecting. Now it is your turn. Why not begin making connection a priority in your marriage today?
Next Steps:
Take time to evaluate how you are doing in the areas of acceptance, authenticity, and empathy. Rate yourself on a 1-10 scale on each of these.
Pray. Ask God to reveal any areas of selfishness that you have that are affecting your marriage. Then ask His help in dealing with these areas.
Together with your spouse, pick three ways to connect that you both will begin to focus on.
Each week come together and evaluate your progress. Make any necessary adjustments.
Make connecting a daily habit for your marriage.