5 Ways to Support Your Spouse During A Career Change
Maybe it’s an exciting time in your marriage or maybe this was a totally unexpected change of events. Regardless of the situation, a career change can be a season of intense stress that wreaks havoc on our marriages. My husband, after years and years and lots of closed doors, just got an opportunity to pursue his life-long dream job and it’s taught me a few things and has brought us closer together.
I have no doubt, however, that the opposite could be very true if we weren’t on the same page. Here are some things I’ve learned.
Before we dig in, if you’re looking for ways to keep your marriage growing, check out the Marriage Multiplier. Our Marriage Multiplier email is a short, sweet & free email delivered to your inbox each Wednesday with tips to make your marriage better!
Sign up for Marriage Multiplier here!
Be flexible. Chances are your spouse’s first day, first week, first month and first year will all look different. It will be impossible to hit the ground running with a set-in stone schedule from day one. Be ready and willing to shift gears. For us, week 1 called for 4–5-hour days, weeks 2-20 have varied from 5-12 hour days. While your spouse may not experience such vast differences day in and day out, they will more than likely have a learning curve. Allow them the space to adjust to their new schedule and be open to communicate how it is going to affect the dynamic of your marriage and family schedule.
2. Be an encourager of the change. Whether this was an answered prayer or a quick shift of pace, be an encouragement to your spouse. No matter how badly they wanted this new job, or how unwelcome this new career may be for them, use your words to bless them. If this new position came with a relocation, it’s easy to be frustrated with the fact that you have to pick up your life and start over in a new place. Choose to see the good. Find the silver lining.
I do not know what that looks like for your relationship, but for ours it included repeating, “I’m so proud of you,” “if anyone can do this it’s you,” or something like “you were chosen for this.” More than likely, this new job is going to come with a host of new emotions and some of those may look more like insecurities than confidence. Cheer them on! Besides, the two of you are in this together.
3. Love them for who they are, not what they do. Maybe this job is a promotion or maybe it looks like a huge pay cut. Your love is not something that should fluctuate just because their level of responsibility or their salary does.
You married them because of the love you have for them and the value they add to your life, none of those are dependent on their job. Show them that. It does not matter if they just accepted the most prestigious position on the planet, or they are taking a major step back on the job ladder, you get to shower them with unconditional love that not only makes them feel secure about their value in your relationship, but it also shows them that their value doesn’t come from what they do. Sounds a lot like what the Bible says God’s love looks like for us. Love them right where they are.
4. Pray for them. This probably should be first on my list, and I do not just mean casually mention them in your prayers. Lift them up in prayer day in and day out. Pray for their courage and boldness to be set apart in their new workplace. Pray that if it is your husband, he has good men come along side of him and form community, encourage him, and be an accountability. If it is your wife; pray for women who will spur her on, point her to Jesus, and love her well.
Pray for their success and perspective, and pray at the end of the day they do it all for the One who did it all for us. This is your spouse’s new mission field, and that calls for us to hit our knees.
5. Ask them what they need from you. The answer may be as simple as a shift in schedule or responsibilities. Maybe now, it will be easier for you to handle school drop offs. Maybe now, they will be in a better place to handle grocery pick up. Maybe you both will be working longer hours, and you agree that the crock pot will be your new weeknight go to. It could be your budget is affected so now you both need to prep to bring lunches instead of going out for lunch.
There are so many different answers for this one, but you won’t know what is going to bless your marriage until you ask.
The last year has seen jobs unexpectedly flourish, while others were drastically cut. Several people I know are having to start from the ground up, in a brand-new career field, with a whole new set of expectations and responsibilities. Our lives shifted dramatically when my husband left his civilian job to pursue his military dreams. While other people I know have found themselves stuck in the opposite of their dream job.
Regardless of how your spouse made it on this new path, you have an opportunity to choose an attitude of gratitude not only for your spouse but for your marriage. This will pay dividends far greater than any job or position ever could.
Want more great tips on growing your marriage? Our Marriage Multiplier email comes out each Wednesday with practical info on how to have an Awesome Marriage. It’s free and you can unsubscribe at any time.
///////////////////////////////////
By Tiffany Miller, Awesome Marriage Care Director