5 Ways To Fight For Your Marriage, Alone
Sometimes in marriage we can feel lost, helpless, and bordering on hopeless. Have you ever felt this way? Are you there right now?
Honestly, so many of us have been there at some point. But if you are ready to fight for your marriage today, there are 5 things you can do to fight for your marriage, even if your spouse is not on board.
In fact, since you are the only person you can control, when you take responsibility for your part and work toward growth and health, it will affect you and your marriage for the better. Here are 5 ways to fight for your marriage, even if you are fighting alone.
But first, if your marriage is really struggling right now, the 90 Days To Save Your Marriage Plan is a great next step. For only $19, you’ll get 90 days of specific action steps from Dr. Kim to help save your marriage. We’ve seen so many couples restored through this amazing resource, and we believe it can happen for you too.
#1 - PRAYER
God has a plan for your marriage. He always has and that plan has not changed. He wants you to have an awesome marriage as much today as He did on your wedding day.
Don’t forget that it was God that created marriage in the first place. So go to Him in prayer. Lay all your frustrations before Him. It’s okay to share your anger. He knows it anyway. Go in the confidence that He has every answer. His answers are not always easy but they are always for our good.
Pray for your spouse. Let your spouse know that you are praying for your marriage, and for them too. Ask how you can pray for them. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes. Ask God to equip you to be the spouse that He wants you to be. Pray to be a team again - or for the first time.
Praying, especially praying together, is the number one thing that makes a difference in a marriage. It teaches us to come before God with all we cannot control, lay it at His feet, and give it all to the only One who can truly heal your marriage.
#2: SPEAKING POSITIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Our words are powerful. They can be a force for good or bad. Think about it this way. How do you want your spouse to speak about you? Now, you cannot control them but again, you can control yourself.
I have counseled people who have made their spouse out to be a monster of sorts by complaining about them to their friends. Instead of being a team working to build a marriage, they are adversaries chipping away at the marriage piece by piece. If we say negative things about our spouse, we begin to believe them and eventually they crowd out all the good things.
Ask God to help you say only positive things about your spouse. Commit to doing this for the next 30 days. Ask God to help you and He will.
This is what I think will happen. You will begin to see your spouse in a different light. You will think first of the positive. The words you say to your spouse and about them to others will change.
#3 Speaking to the Potential in Your Spouse
My primary love language is words of affirmation, so when Nancy encourages me and tells me I can do a good job it makes a huge difference for me. When I am reassured that the woman who knows me far better than anyone else believes in me, it makes all the difference in the world.
When your marriage is struggling, it’s easy to notice the negative about your spouse and ignore their potential. But you can actually change what you notice by speaking to the positive potential you see in them. When you look for the good - even if you have to really look hard - you will see more good.
Do you speak into your spouse and the potential you see in them? Do you encourage them as they seek to be a better spouse?
Most of us don’t see how powerful our words are for our spouse. Your encouragement and words of affirmation can pull them from the gutter to the mountaintop. Speaking into your spouse is something you can control and the benefits will be amazing.
#4 Taking Care Of Yourself
You are not Superman or Wonder Woman. You are human and admitting that is the first step towards giving yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Taking care of your mental, spiritual and physical health is not just okay, it’s essential. It gives you the energy to carry out the roles God has placed you in. Plus, these are things you can control. Here are a couple of ideas.
1) Your Mental Health
What do you watch, read, and listen to? Make a list of the things you watch and listen to. How do they make you feel? Are they positive or negative? Do they lift you up or let you down?
What do you think or worry about? List out your worries. Then circle each one that you have no control over. You now have your new prayer list. Lift them to God each day and leave them in God’s hands. This will take some practice, especially if you’ve been a chronic worrier, but don’t give up.
2) Your Spiritual Health
Part of good spiritual health involves what we just did with your worries. Now what else helps? Daily time with God. It may take rearranging your schedule or getting up earlier. Start with 30 minutes a day. In that time, pray and read the Bible. There are so many great YouVersion plans on the Bible app, and we have over 40 plans there.
A couple of other things that are great for spiritual health: An individual or couples’ Bible study and getting connected at church instead of just attending..
3) Your Physical Health
Number one is sleep. Sleep is essential. If you have any doubts about the importance of sleep, read or listen to Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker. It will change the way you look at sleep and how vital it is to our lives.
Eating healthy and working out really make a difference. You will feel better and you will feel better about yourself.
Consider a family gym membership. That can be a great investment in your physical health.
Just start somewhere because you need it and your body needs it. Taking care of yourself is so important. And it’s not selfish, taking care of yourself is actually one of the absolute best things you can do for yourself and your family.
#5 Gratitude
How does gratitude make a difference? For me, it helps to balance out the negative in life, and actually tips the scales towards the positive. It doesn’t change my circumstances, but it does change my perspective. It’s what I choose to focus on. It changes the lens that I view life through. It’s where I put my energy.
Choosing to be grateful will change your perspective, and no one can take that away. When I decided to put all my complaints at God’s feet and be grateful each day, it changed my life. Oh, there are still times I can focus on the negative but I don’t get stuck there anymore. I just express gratitude. I thank Him for all the amazing things in my life. I thank Him for what I have learned from the trials instead of focusing on the trial. I thank Him for the car I have that works really well instead of focusing on the new car my neighbor has, which has always been my dream car. I thank Him for my Savior whose sacrificial love for me is still a mystery to me.
Gratitude. I can control that and so can you.
Are you ready to heal your marriage?
If you feel defeated about your marriage, are considering divorce, or just feel like you can’t figure out how to turn things around in your marriage on your own - the 90 Days to Save Your Marriage plan is for you.