"4 Sectets Before 'I Do'" - Guest Post by Singles Leader Jeff Anderson

It is my honor to introduce you to Jeff Anderson, who is guest posting today. Jeff Anderson has a unique gift to change the way people see, and relate, to God.  He enjoys tackling touchy biblical subjects – like money… and yes, marriage.  He is the leader of www.AcceptableGift.org where he speaks and writes on the subject of biblical giving.  He is the author of Plastic Donuts, A Fresh Perspective on Gifts.  Jeff and his wife Stephanie have four children and live in Tulsa, Oklahoma - Kent, Awesome Marriages Singles Leader. Just Married? Congratulations, you're still single. Marriage presents a most paradoxical truth.  Before one becomes married, he or she is considered single.  But when a new bride and groom become married, they become single again.  I know, weird. Singleness – Husband and Wife are One Flesh – v31.  and the two will become one flesh (v31) God sees a husband and wife as one flesh – not two fleshes hanging out together.  God made a woman from a man to symbolize their togetherness – then created the sexual union to keep them connected.  For couples to experience an awesome marriage, singleness – or sexual intimacy - is critical! Conventional thinking suggests sex is forbidden before marriage; and then it is allowed after marriage.  That’s only partly true.  Sex is not “allowed“ or “permitted” in marriage.  It is commanded.  It is expected by God.   It’s another marriage paradox.  What was once forbidden before marriage later becomes commanded by it. This says something about how God designed our bodies – marriage partners are wired to need their spouse physically. But there’s a problem for single adults.  There’s no switch that comes on at the marriage altar that triggers these needs.  Often these passions are already at work. But God is a God of order, and His order is always best.  God says marriage must come before sexual relations of any kind.  As a single Christian, you have to decide:  “do I believe in God’s order?” Get Married Soon A Christian single asked me recently if I had any advice in maintaining purity in his deepening relationship with his girlfriend.  “Sure,” I said.  “Get married soon.” Gee thanks, Jeff.  I know that helps little. But Apostle Paul told the Corinthians the same thing.  Get married if you must.  And the tables will turn.  What is forbidden becomes commanded with the blink of an “I do.”  (And again, so does submit, sanctify and separate.) Bottom line:  sex and dating is simply an area that requires faith.  If you believe that holiness before marriage will be pleasing to God and that He will blossom the marriage fruit to awesome levels by waiting, then purity is worth the cost.  If you question the pay-off, you’re likely to taste the forbidden fruit too soon and spoil some of that awesomeness God has in store for you. Purity Resets Plenty of guilt has been shed on this topic.  It’s important for singles to understand God’s grace and forgiveness is powerful…and quick.  Purity resets are available for all. If you have been eating forbidden fruit from the garden, God already knows.  If you repent and desire to reset your order, He’ll clothe you in His righteousness once again.  And I’m not talking about fig leaves or animal skins; but clothes that cover the conscience as well.  God’s grace is sufficient for this. So while you are “single-single”, stay single alone in Christ.  And if you become married one day, you and your spouse can become “single together” in Christ.  Strange, I know.  But I think you get it.

Jeff Anderson