Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybeall.com
So, if I could, I would like to appeal to you on behalf of all men and women whose hearts have been broken due to infidelity.
Please don't do it.
I know she makes you feel good about yourself while you are at work and that she appreciates your jokes while your wife hasn't laughed in months. I know that he tells you the things you want your husband to tell you. I understand that something in you has come alive with this person's presence in your life. But, please know this: It is not love. It is an illusion.
And if you go this route, you will regret it. Sure, the pleasure and excitement are there and it will make you feel more alive than you have in months. But the moment after? Guilt will cover you like molasses syrup and no matter how hard you try to wipe it off, you will be sticky.
And the destruction begins.
You will have to look into your wife's eyes and watch the pain in hers as you admit to her and tell her that your vows didn't mean as much to you as they did to her all those years ago. You will have to deal with the fact that she may never fully trust you again. That when you come to her and want to touch her, chances are, she'll wonder if that is the way you touched the other woman. And you'll get mad at her for not believing that you've changed in the last month, even though you have no right to get mad, and she'll leave the room crying and you'll wonder when she'll "get over it".
If that's not bad enough, you will then have to face your children and tell them that even though Mommy does love them so much, right now she has chosen to love herself more by being with another man. Their security will diminish and they will act in ways that you never dreamed possible. They will experience rejection and anger and because they are so young, still developing in every way, they will not know what to do with their feelings. So, they will act out and will do things that cause destruction.
Because, you see, it's been modeled for them.
If you marriage is lacking, don't give up. If your family isn't what you hoped it would be, press on. Anything worth having is going to take work. Try watering your own garden. Please, please, please don't commit adultery.
Visualize the destruction.