As we continue to look at the results of the Awesome Marriage Quiz, let’s look at the question that deals with the sexual relationship: “In our sexual relationship, we take the time to really enjoy each other . . .” Surprisingly, the results are split almost down the middle: 51 percent answered “often,” and 49 percent answered “seldom.”
The key words in the question are “really enjoy.” If we had asked the question in a different way, we might have received different responses. What if the question read, “In our sexual relationship, we have sex . . .” and the responses stayed the same (“often” and “seldom”)? The point is that the 51 percent who said they take the time to really enjoy each other are most likely the ones who really get the whole “sex is an incredible gift from God” idea. God wants us to enjoy sex in our marriage—just read Song of Solomon!
The follow-up question, then, becomes this: “What keeps us from really enjoying the sexual experience together?” From my years of counseling, I’ve discovered there are a number of responses to this question. Some people bring baggage into the marriage from their past. Some of the baggage is from choices they made, and many have baggage because of choices someone made against them. Most of us have been influenced by the way our society looks at sex, and we have to allow God to renew our minds so we can embrace it the way He created it to be. All in all, there are a number of obstacles that stand in the way of many of us really enjoying the sexual relationship in our marriage.
Here are some steps to consider. First, if there is something from your past that is getting in the way of a fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse, get help. It may mean talking to your pastor or a Christian counselor. Just don’t put it off any longer. Second, commit with your spouse to set aside time to work on your sex life. You may think you do not have the time, but I promise you that in the big picture, you do not have the time not to. There are some great Christian books on this topic. One thing most of us have to get past is the idea that God is some type of prude. Think about this: God is the One who created sex, and He gives us enormous freedom in exploring the sexual relationship in marriage. If this is difficult for you to comprehend, turn to the book of Song of Solomon and read about a loving couple who unashamedly make love—more than once. One verse even says they enjoyed each other “all night long.” Where is the “prude” in that?
Okay, now it’s your turn. What is your next step?
There are lots of great ideas in Dr. Kim’s new book, 7 Secrets to an Awesome Marriage.