Many singles ask me all sorts of questions about sex: Is this or that okay before marriage? How far can we go? How far is too far? Is it okay to live together before marriage? Is oral sex okay? You get the idea. Now look at those questions and see if you see the common thread that I do. I see the same basic question that I asked a long time ago when I was dating: How close can I get to the fire without getting burned?
We can all rationalize almost anything that we want to do. I was really good at that as a young man (unfortunately, I still am at times). But finally I realized that I was asking the wrong question. It was not, how close could I get to the fire without getting burned? Instead I needed to ask, how far away from the fire could I get? I had desires and urges, and the closer I got to the fire, the harder it was to control them. I needed to back away.
I want to challenge those of you not yet married: Instead of spending time trying to figure out what you can do sexually before marriage, take the issue off the table. Take your “no” from the fire’s edge all the way back to ground zero. Spend your time and energy getting to know each other in a way that keeps you far from the sparks and flames of that tempting fire. You will then begin redefining sex and preparing yourself for the sexual relationship in an awesome marriage where it is okay to fall into the fire!
So, bottom line, if you’re not married, back away from the fire!