Do you have a question about dating, relationships, or marriage? If you do, now is your chance to ask Dr. Kim. Dr. Kim will answer your questions every Thursday. Send your question to: email@example.com.
Because of the overwhelming response we are getting on this, Dr. Kim will answer the first 25 questions each week and then some of those will be chosen to appear here. (Your name will be omitted from the response to honor your privacy.)
This Week's Questions
Question: How do you learn to trust again after your spouse has had an affair?
Dr. Kim: Rebuilding trust is a very slow and very tedious process. First, the offending spouse must show genuine remorse and repentance. Then it is a daily process of complete honesty and transparency. The offending spouse needs to have an accountability partner and that cannot be you. Your role as you see the changes in your spouse is to gradually let your guard down and begin to take baby steps to trust. I would strongly suggest going together to a trusted pastor or a Christian Counselor. A great book on this is "Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration" by my good friend Cindy Beall. It is available in our online store.
Question: Husband has been married to wife for 15 years and wife left in February. Please advise husband of what to do reconcile marriage. Wife is mentioning she wants a divorce and husband wants reconcile to rebuild marriage. Don't want to throw away 15 years over minor differences. Thank, in advance for your assistance.
Dr. Kim: If the wife is willing, I would strongly suggest that they go to a Christian Counselor together. For the marriage to work, they both have to agree to work on it. If she is reluctant, it is important for the husband to show her grace and love and to be patient while praying for God to change her heart and to reconcile the marriage. Don't give up!
Question: How are you? I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. My boyfriend and I are both 23. We have been friends since were 1 or 2 years old (we were neighbours) our friendship had its bestfriends moments and its moments when we went out of touch.
Last year November he asked me out and I guess I could say without much thought, I said yes. I mean I imagined how great it would be to date your bestfriend, considering we have been friends for so long, I figured it would be peaches and cream.
But that's were the problem comes in, within a short time he said he had loved me which left me with no choice but to respond, yes I do love him, but just not the way I knew I should. I feel awkward around him, I have moments were I'd rather be with him and a 3rd party than just the two of us. I sometimes feel like a I made a mistake, but again, I don't want to lose him, I kind of fear the outcome of if we break up, the impact it will have on our friendship. We have been together for 5 months now and for the past 3 months I have been hoping I'll fall in love with him. Its really worrying me because this is someone that wants to spend his lifetime with, while on the other hand I'm still doubting him.
I know I'll never find someone who will love me like he does and care for me. What can I do to help myself feel equally for him?
Dr. Kim: I think the key for you is understanding if this is the person God has for you or not. I would like you to take thirty days completely away from him and in that time totally immerse yourself in God. Pray each day for God's clarity for you in this relationship. I would also like you to do our "30 Day Experiment for Singles". I will send you a copy to use. At the end of the 30 days, I think you will know what God would have you do.