You have probably heard me say before two truths about kids in a marriage. On one hand they are an incredible blessing. On the other, they are a distraction from marriage. When there was just the two of you, time together was not shared with anyone else. With children you have to really plan if you are going to have uninterrupted time alone as a couple. In truth, kids usually are screaming for attention a lot harder than our spouse.
In the early years, they absolutely need us to do everything for them. As they grow up, we focus on the role of parenting and do our best to “train them up in the way they should go.” With all we need to do to raise our kids, we cannot do it at the expense of our marriage.
You cannot put your marriage on hold for eighteen years or more and expect it to recover. The couples that do that are the ones you hear about or read about. The kids finally leave home and the couple looks at each other and says something like, “Who are you?” They failed to build a foundation in their marriage while raising kids. Does it take time and energy and effort to build that foundation? Absolutely! Is it worth it? You have to answer that question. The two of you are the only ones that can answer that for your marriage.
Let me give you one more thing to think about. If you do not model a good healthy marriage for your kids, who will? Part of that “training them up” is getting them ready to be a successful husband or wife. If you have the tendency to put your marriage on hold, I urge you to talk this over and put things back in order. Remember God first, marriage second? That does not change when you have kids. If we reorder things it never trumps God’s plan.