What does it take from both the husband and the wife to have an Awesome Marriage? Should most of the effort come from the wife? Maybe you think that most of the effort should come from the husband. Some of you are thinking neither one of those ways will build an Awesome Marriage, and I agree with you. Yet I see many couples living their marriages in one of those two ways. They say things like, “If my husband would just _______, our marriage would be better” or “If my wife would change _______, we could have a good marriage.”
If those are not the key to having an Awesome Marriage, what about a 50/50 mix? We just meet each other halfway. I will do my 50 percent and my spouse will do their 50 percent and then things will be good. One of the problems with this approach is defining what each person’s 50 percent should look like. Do both spouses agree on what they are supposed to do? What if one spouse thinks they are giving more than 50 percent and begins to resent the other person? I actually don’t think any of the above ways work.
They are all Bad Math, and when any of them are applied to a marriage over time, the option of divorce will come into focus. Bad Math in a marriage does not work!
The logical next question is this: What does work? For a marriage to be Awesome day in and day out, year after year, there is only one foolproof formula that I have ever seen work. It’s when the husband gives 100 percent and the wife gives 100 percent. The arguments over who is doing more or trying harder are no longer a factor. In our marriage, if I give 100 percent, it means that I do everything I can each day to serve and cherish my wife. It does not matter what she does or does not do. My responsibility is to be an all-in, 100 percent husband. When I do my 100 percent and Nancy does her 100 percent, we have a marriage that is growing and thriving. It is the only math that works in marriage.
You may be saying to yourself, “But my spouse doesn’t give 100 percent and I am not sure they ever will.” I get that, and it’s not always fair. Think about it this way: One day you will stand before God and talk about your marriage. Wouldn’t it be nice if you were able to say, “Thanks, God. With Your help I was able to give 100 percent effort almost every day of my marriage.” That is also “Good Math.”