Singles: "How to Find a Mate - Part 7" by Dr. Kim

As we wrap up this series on finding a mate, there are some things that I want you to remember.

First: Prepare yourself.  Ask God to help you become more of who He wants you to be.  Sell yourself out to this.  Be diligent and persevere.  It will make a difference

Second: Know deep in your heart the essential things that are important to you in a mate.  Then do not compromise them.  Not even a little.

Third: Trust God.  He can make it happen.  Trust His choice for you.  Trust His timing.  Trust His incredible love for you and His desire for you to have the best.

Now it is your turn.  Let us know how this series has helped you.  Share any choices, actions, or changes you have committed to make and when God brings that person into your life, by all means let us know!

Dr. Kim

   

"How to Find a Mate - Part 6" by Dr. Kim

Nancy grew up in Texas and went to high school in Houston.  She wanted to go to the University of Texas and made her plans to do that.  I grew up in Oklahoma City and graduated from high school two years before she did.  As a college freshman, I went out of state to a college in Missouri.  We were miles apart and had no idea that the other existed.

A few weeks before Nancy was to begin her freshman year of college, some things changed for her and she decided to change her plans and attend Texas Christian University in Ft. Worth, Texas.

Let me rewind my story a little bit.  During my senior year of high school, I became good friends with a guy that was going to Texas Christian University on a golf scholarship.  We both graduated and went our separate ways.  As I finished the first semester of my freshman year of college, I was miserable.  I did not like the school and was homesick.  I wanted out.  Many of my friends were at the University of Oklahoma  but my parents did not want me to go there till my junior year.  So here I was half way through my first year of college with no place to go.  It was then that TCU became an option.  My parents liked the idea.  I applied and got accepted and by the middle of January, I was a student at TCU.  A year and a half later Nancy came on campus and the rest is history.

God brought us together.  None of the circumstances that brought us to that blind date at TCU were coincidences.  It was too improbable that all those things would fall into place and we did not orchestrate and of it.  

BOTTOM LINE: If and when God has someone for you, He does not need any help in getting the two of you together.  His plans are always accomplished.

Dr. Kim

 

“Singles: How To Find a Mate - Part 1" by Dr. Kim

One of the main concerns that i hear from singles is the frustration that comes with finding a mate.  One of the main questions that I hear from singles is, “Where do I find a mate?”  These questions and similar ones have long been a part of posts on our Awesome Marriage Facebook Page.  You have shared some great insights with each other.  Let me add a few thoughts.  From my perspective the best thing you can do is to ready yourself.  Ask yourself these questions. “What has happened in your past relationships?” What could you have done different in those relationships?”  “Were you the one doing all the work to make the relationship work?”  “What were the good things in those relationships?” “What were the bad things in those relationships?”  Take time to think through these questions and then write out your answers.  Now you have a place to start. 

Prayerfully choose things that you can work on that will prepare you for the next relationship.  Through this process you will have a greater chance of making the next relationship  better than the last.  Remember, the only person you can change is yourself.

 Dr. Kim

Singles: "How to Find a Mate - Part 7" A Series by Dr. Kim

As we wrap up this series on finding a mate, there are some things that I want you to remember. First: Prepare yourself.  Ask God to help you become more of who He wants you to be.  Sell yourself out to this.  Be diligent and persevere.  It will make a difference

Second: Know deep in your heart the essential things that are important to you in a mate.  Then do not compromise them.  Not even a little.

Third: Trust God.  He can make it happen.  Trust His choice for you.  Trust His timing.  Trust His incredible love for you and His desire for you to have the best.

Now it is your turn.  Let us know how this series has helped you.  Share any choices, actions, or changes you have committed to make and when God brings that person into your life, by all means let us know!

Dr. Kim 

Singles: - "How to Find a Mate - Part 6” A Series by Dr. Kim

Nancy grew up in Texas and went to high school in Houston.  She wanted to go to the University of Texas and made her plans to do that.  I grew up in Oklahoma City and graduated from high school two years before she did.  As a college freshman, I went out of state to a college in Missouri.  We were miles apart and had no idea that the other existed. A few weeks before Nancy was to begin her freshman year of college, some things changed for her and she decided to change her plans and attend Texas Christian University in Ft. Worth, Texas.

Let me rewind my story a little bit.  During my senior year of high school, I became good friends with a guy that was going to Texas Christian University on a golf scholarship.  We both graduated and went our separate ways.  As I finished the first semester of my freshman year of college, I was miserable.  I did not like the school and was homesick.  I wanted out.  Many of my friends were at the University of Oklahoma  but my parents did not want me to go there till my junior year.  So here I was half way through my first year of college with no place to go.  It was then that TCU became an option.  My parents liked the idea.  I applied and got accepted and by the middle of January, I was a student at TCU.  A year and a half later Nancy came on campus and the rest is history.

God brought us together.  None of the circumstances that brought us to that blind date at TCU were coincidences.  It was too improbable that all those things would fall into place and we did not orchestrate and of it.

BOTTOM LINE: If and when God has someone for you, He does not need any help in getting the two of you together.  His plans are always accomplished.

Dr. Kim

 

Singles: "How To Find a Mate - Part 5" A Series by Dr. Kim

Last time I shared how Nancy and I met and dated and married.  We did a few things right and more things wrong.  Maybe you can learn from our mistakes.  If we could go back, I know both of us would do some things differently.  We would have gone through much of the process that I have suggested to you. But with all we did wrong, I still believe we would have still married.  Why? Two reasons.  First, during those two years of dating, Nancy became my best friend and I became her best friend.  When things got rocky in our marriage, that foundation helped us greatly.  The bottom line for each of us was that we did not want to lose our best friend.  So when you meet that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, become best friends.  Your first choice of someone to spend time with should be him/her.  You should be able to share all your feelings and emotions and questions and doubts and fears with that person and know they fully accept you.  Best friends are priceless and your best friend in this world needs to be your spouse.

Second, I firmly believe God put Nancy and I together.  I will share more of that next time.

Dr. Kim

Singles: "How to Find a Mate - Part 4" A Series by Dr. Kim

Nancy and I have been married over forty years.  We met on a blind take and were fixed up by mutual friends.  We had never seen each other and knew very little about each other.  We were pretty young.  Nancy was 18 and I was 20.  As I have been writing this blog series for singles and giving you ideas, I thought about the process we went through.  This is what I remember. I wanted someone that had similar values and beliefs.  My parents lined up well in this area and it made sense to me.  I also wanted someone that I was physically attracted to.  Nancy was off the charts in this area.  Honestly, I think that was it.  Not a very long or deep list.

I asked Nancy what was on her list.  She wanted someone with money or the ability to make money.  She had seen her family struggle in this area and it was a source of conflict in their home.  She also wanted someone athletic.  She got a guy that went into ministry (limits on money) and that was not very athletic.

We dated two years and got married.  We had about a year of things being pretty good and then the problems began.  We had no clue how to do marriage.

If we had done the things that I have suggested to you, would things have been different?  Probably.  We would have been more aware of areas we needed to work on and we probably would have dated longer before marriage.  But I know we would have still married.  Why?  Tune into next weeks blog.

Dr. Kim

Singles: "How to Find a Mate - Part 3" A Series by Dr. Kim

There are a lot of places to look for a mate.  Some are good and some are bad.  There are dating web sites.  There are church singles groups.  There are friends that set friends up.  Where do you look? I have known people who found a mate on a dating web site and the marriage has been very successful.  I also know people that have found a mate on the same sites and the marriage has been a disaster.  The same is true with church singles groups and blind dates.

If you are looking for a mate and a marriage that lasts a lifetime, you can actually meet that person almost anywhere.  Think about this.  If God is really the author of marriage and He wants marriages to succeed, don’t you think He can play a part in finding you a mate?  The key is readying yourself so that when that time comes, you are prepared.  It may come through that dating service, or a singles group, or through a friend, or you may bump into the person in the frozen food aisle at Walmart.  If God wants you to meet someone, He can and will make it happen.

Dr. Kim

“Singles: How to Find a Mate - Part 2, A Series by Dr. Kim

What do you want in a future mate?  What are the qualities and values that you would like them to have?  Make another list as you think through these questions. As you look at your list, ask yourself this question, “What things are essential for a future spouse to have?” Mark an “A” by these.  These are your absolutes.  Then  look at the remaining items on your list.  Are there some of these that are negotiable? If there are, put an “N” by these.  Now you have a template to place over everyone that you consider going on a date with.  

Finally, make a commitment to not compromise your list.  You may be tempted.  The ‘right’ person may not come along for a while or for a very long time.  You may get tired of being alone.  You may be tempted to settle (see this past Sunday’s Blog).  I promise you this, if you wait and if you do not compromise you increase your chances of having a successful relationship many times over.  Waiting is hard but it will be worth the wait.

Dr. Kim