"What is the rush?" by Brian Crosson

I am excited for you to meet Brian Crosson as he begins to write for our Singles. Brian is a follower of Christ and single father of 3 from Oklahoma City. He has a Bachelors degree in Psychology from Oklahoma State University and is currently working on his Masters degree in Human Services specializing in Marriage and Family therapy through Liberty University Online. He has recently created and is slowly building his singles ministry Persistently Patient as he uses his experiences in marriage and the single season to encourage others. Feel free to visit his Facebook page (link https://www.facebook.com/PersistentlyPatient) or follow his twitter account (@PersPatient) in order to join the conversation.

Dr. Kim

Screen Shot 2014-01-25 at 2.50.05 PM.png

The other day I had the wonderful opportunity to attend my church’s quarterly staff meeting. During our pastor’s speech he spoke about discipline and how we must be disciplined in choosing between what we want now and what we want most. Although in this particular instance our pastor was referring to how we operate and serve the church, this same principle can and should actually be used in many, if not all aspects of life.

When I think about this principle as a single Christian I think about the speed at which many Christian relationships move. You see it quite often actually. Two Christian singles meet, fall in love, and are married shortly thereafter. 

Can these be fulfilling Christ centered relationships? Sure they can! But wouldn’t you increase the possibility of success by slowing it down…….just a bit, and choosing what you want most over what you want now? 

To be honest with you, I myself am what you would call a “true romantic”. The idea of finding that “one true love” gets me just as excited as the next person (although, I don’t know that I really believe in “one” person anyways), but I don’t think that means we have to move so fast. 

When I think about the patience that we need to have in relationships I look to what is probably one of my favorite romance stories of the Bible (besides the story of Jesus himself). It’s a story about a man named Jacob who traveled miles and miles to find his wife. As he completes his travels he meets a very beautiful woman named Rachel, and upon meeting her and kissing her, he begins to cry. 

Now what the Bible does not explain is exactly why he started crying, but based on the rest of the story (and my previously mentioned “true romantic” heart) I am going to assume that it was because he believed that he had found the love of his life. 

So, what happens next? 

Jacob did one of the most romantic things he could have done; he gave her father seven years of hard labor for her hand in marriage; SEVEN YEARS!!!! (It actually ended up being 14, but you can read Genesis 29 for the entire story yourself)

What does this tell you? Well, I’m not sure how that will speak to you, but for me it means that I can wait. 

Yes, I.CAN.WAIT!

You see, the thing that we often forget about marriage is that it’s not actually about us; it’s actually about Christ and sacrifice. The Lord tells us in Ephesians 5 (21-33) that we are to love our spouses as Christ loved the Church. And, if you’re not quite sure yet Christ sacrificed himself for US, the Church. So what are you willing to sacrifice (from time to time, or all the time) for your (future) spouse?

 I believe the first thing we should sacrifice for our spouse is our time. Have some patience; you have the rest of your life to get to know your significant other. Do it with purpose, but not necessarily with speed. Nothing good ever comes out of doing things in a rush. Things are either left incomplete or they are completely overlooked. And….you owe it to that person to make sure that you are what they want too, right? If you truly love them you will look out for their best interest by ensuring that both of you are truly ready for this lifelong commitment. 

Who knows, if you’re slow and patient with your relationship God just may bless the two of you even more…….whether it turns into marriage or not.

Brian Crosson


Singles: - "How to Find a Mate - Part 6” A Series by Dr. Kim

Nancy grew up in Texas and went to high school in Houston.  She wanted to go to the University of Texas and made her plans to do that.  I grew up in Oklahoma City and graduated from high school two years before she did.  As a college freshman, I went out of state to a college in Missouri.  We were miles apart and had no idea that the other existed. A few weeks before Nancy was to begin her freshman year of college, some things changed for her and she decided to change her plans and attend Texas Christian University in Ft. Worth, Texas.

Let me rewind my story a little bit.  During my senior year of high school, I became good friends with a guy that was going to Texas Christian University on a golf scholarship.  We both graduated and went our separate ways.  As I finished the first semester of my freshman year of college, I was miserable.  I did not like the school and was homesick.  I wanted out.  Many of my friends were at the University of Oklahoma  but my parents did not want me to go there till my junior year.  So here I was half way through my first year of college with no place to go.  It was then that TCU became an option.  My parents liked the idea.  I applied and got accepted and by the middle of January, I was a student at TCU.  A year and a half later Nancy came on campus and the rest is history.

God brought us together.  None of the circumstances that brought us to that blind date at TCU were coincidences.  It was too improbable that all those things would fall into place and we did not orchestrate and of it.

BOTTOM LINE: If and when God has someone for you, He does not need any help in getting the two of you together.  His plans are always accomplished.

Dr. Kim

 

Singles: "How To Find a Mate - Part 5" A Series by Dr. Kim

Last time I shared how Nancy and I met and dated and married.  We did a few things right and more things wrong.  Maybe you can learn from our mistakes.  If we could go back, I know both of us would do some things differently.  We would have gone through much of the process that I have suggested to you. But with all we did wrong, I still believe we would have still married.  Why? Two reasons.  First, during those two years of dating, Nancy became my best friend and I became her best friend.  When things got rocky in our marriage, that foundation helped us greatly.  The bottom line for each of us was that we did not want to lose our best friend.  So when you meet that person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, become best friends.  Your first choice of someone to spend time with should be him/her.  You should be able to share all your feelings and emotions and questions and doubts and fears with that person and know they fully accept you.  Best friends are priceless and your best friend in this world needs to be your spouse.

Second, I firmly believe God put Nancy and I together.  I will share more of that next time.

Dr. Kim

Singles: "How to Find a Mate - Part 3" A Series by Dr. Kim

There are a lot of places to look for a mate.  Some are good and some are bad.  There are dating web sites.  There are church singles groups.  There are friends that set friends up.  Where do you look? I have known people who found a mate on a dating web site and the marriage has been very successful.  I also know people that have found a mate on the same sites and the marriage has been a disaster.  The same is true with church singles groups and blind dates.

If you are looking for a mate and a marriage that lasts a lifetime, you can actually meet that person almost anywhere.  Think about this.  If God is really the author of marriage and He wants marriages to succeed, don’t you think He can play a part in finding you a mate?  The key is readying yourself so that when that time comes, you are prepared.  It may come through that dating service, or a singles group, or through a friend, or you may bump into the person in the frozen food aisle at Walmart.  If God wants you to meet someone, He can and will make it happen.

Dr. Kim

“Singles: How to Find a Mate - Part 2, A Series by Dr. Kim

What do you want in a future mate?  What are the qualities and values that you would like them to have?  Make another list as you think through these questions. As you look at your list, ask yourself this question, “What things are essential for a future spouse to have?” Mark an “A” by these.  These are your absolutes.  Then  look at the remaining items on your list.  Are there some of these that are negotiable? If there are, put an “N” by these.  Now you have a template to place over everyone that you consider going on a date with.  

Finally, make a commitment to not compromise your list.  You may be tempted.  The ‘right’ person may not come along for a while or for a very long time.  You may get tired of being alone.  You may be tempted to settle (see this past Sunday’s Blog).  I promise you this, if you wait and if you do not compromise you increase your chances of having a successful relationship many times over.  Waiting is hard but it will be worth the wait.

Dr. Kim

 

"Our Tribe" - 3

TRIBES

I will keep talking about our tribe in a number of different ways in the future.  Today I want to close this blog series on our tribe with this thought.  I believe you are here because you believe people can still have Awesome Marriages.  You may have an Awesome Marriage.  You may as a couple be working toward that goal.  You may be single and trying to do the things that will help you have an Awesome Marriage some day.  Whatever your situation, you are part of our tribe and we need you.

We need you to share your successes and your failures.  We need you to help encourage each other.  We need you to make us laugh and make us cry.  We need guys who are willing to tell their story so other guys can learn.  We need couples to share what has helped them and has hurt them.  We need you to fight with us for Awesome Marriages.

Believe this: A world full of Awesome Marriages will change the world.

Dr. Kim

"Our Tribe" - Part 2

In my last blog, I once again set out my dream of a zero divorce rate.  That is my goal for me and I want it to be the goal for you.  I want people that are committed to having Awesome Marriages.  I do  not want any of us to settle for a so-so marriage.  I do not want you and your spouse to just exist together under the same roof.  I want you to cherish each other and the marriage that God has given you and to never stop working to make it better.

Let me challenge you with something.  Find a couple that has been married at least forty years and that still love being married.  Ask them what they did to have an Awesome Marriage.  I bet you will hear something like this in their answer, “We worked at it every day.” You will not hear, “Well, we got married and then coasted for forty years.”  It just does not happen that way.  A great marriage takes a lot of work but it so incredibly worth it.

This Awesome Marriage tribe is yours.  If you believe that marriage is still a good thing to have around and you believe that God created marriage with a purpose, then welcome to our tribe.  There is so much that fights against marriage in our world.  It is time that a “tribe” started fighting for it.  I Want an Awesome Marriage is that tribe.

Dr. Kim

 

 

"Our Tribe" - Part 1

Seth Godin has written a lot of books.  I recently read his book “Tribes.”  One of his premises in the book is that we all want to belong to a “tribe.”  Tribes are built around common interests like biking, cooking, political views, and a myriad of other things.  Some tribes are big and some are small.

“I Want an Awesome Marriage” is a tribe.  I did not form the tribe - you did.  I simply took the risk that there were others out there that wanted Awesome Marriages.  That I was not the only one that still believed in marriage.  That people wanted to prepare well before getting married and wanted their marriages to continue to grow over their years together.

You see, I have this crazy dream.  It is that there would be a zero divorce rate.  No divorce.  No divorce today and no divorce tomorrow.  In the big picture, my dream is overwhelming.  But on a smaller scale - maybe.  What if each person took time to really prepare before they got married?  What if they looked long and hard at their relationship and if it did not look right they broke up on this side of the altar?  What if every couple that struggles in their marriage (which at one time or another is all of us) stayed committed to their marriage and got the help they needed to turn things around? If we take it one marriage at a time, maybe my dream is really not that crazy after all.

Dr. Kim