"What Are You Planning To Do?" - Guest Post by Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybe

It is highly unlikely that I would ever cheat on my husband because of what I've been through.

At least that is what most people think.  But I know otherwise.

I know that one slight step off the narrow road I'm called to walk could lead me down a path of temptation and eventually regret.  One disclosing conversation could start an unhealthy relationship with an old friend. One haughty I'm above such a sin mindset could bring about more devastation to my husband and sons than I believe I am capable of handling.

And if I'm being real honest with you...it scares the living daylights out of me.

Because I know me and I know that sometimes I feed my flesh and discard my spirit.  Also because I have had too many discussions with people who winded up doing things they never imagined doing.

Like the young woman who just told her husband last week that she kissed another man and couldn't, wouldn't have dreamed that she'd ever done such a thing.  She never planned on it.

Or the 55-year old husband, who ditched his wife for a younger woman, was always the picture of marital faithfulness.  "He'd never do such a thing" his friends said about him.

While I don't believe I live a life of fear, I do believe I have a healthy, God-fearing attitude that will help me make choices now before I'm thrown into a circumstance that I didn't see coming.  I am fully aware that when we fail to plan, we plan to fail.  And trust me when I say this:  I'm not planning to be unfaithful.

I'm planning not to.

Cindy Beall

"Everyone Needs Protection" - Guest Post by Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybeall.com               

 For their marriage, that is.A couple of weeks ago I asked my readers many questions. Two of the questions I asked were what the baby steps were that could lead to an affair and what we should do to make our marriages strong and affair-proof. I received some great comments, nuggets of wisdom and stellar advice from people who have walked through infidelity as well as those who've been spared from it.

It should come as no surprise to you that divorce statistics continue to rise for a number of reasons. I goggled reasons for divorce and found that there are numerous things that play a part in the demise of many marriages. Financial issues, abuse, incompatibility, convenience, sexual problems, addictions, communication problems, mid-life crises, little things and marital unfaithfulness.

So does that mean that if we don't have financial issues, abuse, sexual problems, communication problems, a mid-life crisis and infidelity that we won't get divorced? Chances are good that if the issues listed above aren't present, that you'll have a pretty healthy marriage. Not perfect, but healthy.

But how does one go about getting a healthy marriage? Well, my experience says that a couple of things are necessary.Communication and protection.

Communicate about everything. EVERYTHING. Even if it's uncomfortable or painful or embarrassing. We have to do the hard stuff to get the good stuff.

Protect your most important human relationship. I think we assume that our marriages will be fine. But, if we don't set up safeguards and healthy boundaries, we could find ourselves slipping on a very slippery slope. And before we know it, we'll end up in a place we never thought we'd end up.

I don't want that for you just like I don't want that for me.

My challenge to you today is this: Take time to talk to your spouse about everything and truly become best friends. And protect you

 

"Is The Grass Greener?" Guest Post by Cindy Beall

 

GREENER GRASS?

 

 

 

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybeall.com               

I've rented two movies over the last week or so. We were fairly disappointed because both of them included infidelity. And it's not just because we hate infidelity (which we do) and hate how it hurts the heart of God (which it does) and hate how it ruins marriages (which it has). We hate how it is glamorized by film makers.

Very sad.

I've always been disturbed when I hear someone say about his/her spouse, "I'm just not in love anymore." Since when is marriage always a feel good thing? Ask anyone who has been married if they live in a fairy tale world where they always feel in love. Feelings are so incredibly misleading.

You know what I think? (This is where you say, "yes".) I think that we are in love with what we pour into and what we concentrate on and what we create. If you start to pay attention to the next looker who walks by, you'll be doing that for the rest of your life. Hear me...There will always be good lookin' people around youPeriod. Get used to it and walk away. If you wanna be in love with your spouse, pour into him, concentrate on her and create new memories and habits that will bring joy for years to come.

Moral of the story? If you find yourself thinking the grass is greener on the other side, don't move. Just water your own yard.

I'm just sayin'.

Cindy Beall

"If You Like Pina Coladas" - Guest Post By Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybeall.com                                                                                                                                                                        f you like Pina Coladas. 

And gettin' caught in the rain. 

Go ahead and thank me for sticking that song in your head for the rest of the day.  It's the least I could do.

If You Like Piña Coladas by Rupert Holmes is one of my favorite songs of all time.  The song tells a story of a married man who started searching for another woman in the personal ads.  He finds one that appeals to him and writes back to her.  He feels bad about his wife but he has decided that his needs and desires must be met.  So, they plan a meeting.

And while I'm clearly NOT A FAN of the adultery, I do like how the story turned out.

The lyrics say:

So I waited with high hopes And she walked in the place I knew her smile in an instant I knew the curve of her face It was my own lovely lady And she said, "Oh it's you." Then we laughed for a moment And I said, "I never knew."

This married couple had fallen into a routine and neglected their marriage.  They both thought that someone else would be better and would bring excitement into their lives.  What they didn't realize is that the passion for each other was still there...but the effort was gone.  They stopped pursuing each other.

I'm guessing that some of your marriages are suffering right about now.  Some of you may even have the grass is greener mentality going on.  I'd like to challenge you to start watering your own yard and see what happens.  Remember what brought you together in the first place.

I'm guessing there had to be a spark at one time.

Cindy Beall

 

"Visualize the Destruction" - Guest Post by Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris' infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God's grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. www.cindybeall.com
My pastor talked about this in one of his recent messages.  He was talking about adultery and how if we would all just visualize the destruction that adultery would cause before we would even go that route, we would probably choose to stay put.

So, if I could, I would like to appeal to you on behalf of all men and women whose hearts have been broken due to infidelity.

Please don't do it.

I know she makes you feel good about yourself while you are at work and that she appreciates your jokes while your wife hasn't laughed in months.  I know that he tells you the things you want your husband to tell you.  I understand that something in you has come alive with this person's presence in your life.  But, please know this: It is not love.  It is an illusion.

And if you go this route, you will regret it.  Sure, the pleasure and excitement are there and it will make you feel more alive than you have in months.  But the moment after?  Guilt will cover you like molasses syrup and no matter how hard you try to wipe it off, you will be sticky.

And the destruction begins.

You will have to look into your wife's eyes and watch the pain in hers as you admit to her and tell her that your vows didn't mean as much to you as they did to her all those years ago.  You will have to deal with the fact that she may never fully trust you again.  That when you come to her and want to touch her, chances are, she'll wonder if that is the way you touched the other woman.  And you'll get mad at her for not believing that you've changed in the last month, even though you have no right to get mad, and she'll leave the room crying and you'll wonder when she'll "get over it".

If that's not bad enough, you will then have to face your children and tell them that even though Mommy does love them so much, right now she has chosen to love herself more by being with another man.  Their security will diminish and they will act in ways that you never dreamed possible.  They will experience rejection and anger and because they are so young, still developing in every way, they will not know what to do with their feelings.  So, they will act out and will do things that cause destruction.

Because, you see, it's been modeled for them.

If you marriage is lacking, don't give up.  If your family isn't what you hoped it would be, press on.  Anything worth having is going to take work. Try watering your own garden.  Please, please, please don't commit adultery.

Visualize the destruction.

Cindy Beall